Supporting Mental Health in Children and Yourself: Andrea’s Story

BoldLittleMinds MomCast
Written By Mom Identity Project

Parenting is a journey marked by unique challenges and heartwarming rewards. The recent episode of the Bold Little Minds MomCast, hosted by Krissy, delves into these complexities with guest Andrea, a mother of two teenagers and a passionate advocate for mental health. Andrea's experiences offer valuable insights into the importance of mental health awareness and self-care for both parents and children.

A Busy Yet Rewarding Path

Krissy captivates her audience by sharing her own hectic week, highlighting the launch of her new activity menus now available on Etsy. Her transparency about the balancing act of managing multiple retail locations, product packaging, and display setups sets the tone for a candid discussion about parenting's intricacies.

Mental Health: A Shared Responsibility

Andrea emphasizes the crucial role of mental health in parenting. She points out that while we can address physical ailments with medicine or first aid, mental health often requires additional support and strategies that may not come naturally. Her commitment to spreading awareness and providing tools for managing children's mental health is both inspiring and practical.

Anxiety in Children: Recognizing and Responding

One of the key topics discussed is the rising awareness of anxiety in children. Both Andrea and Krissy relate personal experiences of observing anxiety symptoms in their children from a young age. Andrea highlights how seeking out resources like the Parenting Translator can help parents understand the complexities behind issues such as anxiety and avoid unnecessary guilt.

The Joys and Challenges of Raising Teens

Andrea and Krissy also explore the dynamics of raising teenagers. Andrea shares how she finds joy in her evolving relationship with her children, enjoying moments of connection over TikTok videos and coffee outings. She stresses the importance of cherishing these interactions and remaining present, acknowledging that teenagers still seek parental guidance and companionship.

Practical Tips for Parenting and Self-Care

Andrea offers practical advice gathered from her own parenting journey:

Morning Routine: Establish a simple morning routine that includes moments of solitude and self-reflection to start the day with clarity.

Grounding Exercises: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique to help children (and yourself) stay present and manage anxiety.

Observation and Listening: Pay attention to behavioral cues, as children often communicate their needs non-verbally. Adjusting activities based on these observations can prevent stress and conflict.

Building a Community of Support

Both Krissy and Andrea emphasize the importance of building supportive communities. Whether through online platforms or local interactions, creating a network of understanding peers can provide much-needed encouragement and practical advice.

Andrea's Mission and Resources

Inspired by her personal challenges and triumphs, Andrea has developed a digital course aimed at equipping parents with the tools needed to support their children's mental health. She offers free resources on her Instagram page, including conversation starters and breathing exercises for children, highlighting her commitment to providing accessible mental health education.

Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

The conversation between Krissy and Andrea encourages parents to embrace the unpredictable yet rewarding journey of parenting. By sharing their stories, they remind us that we are not alone in our experiences and that there are always resources and communities willing to lend support. As parents, nurturing our own mental health and that of our children should be a priority, allowing us to weather the storms and savor the serene moments of this incredible journey.

Connect with Us

To dive deeper into these discussions and connect with like-minded parents, consider listening to the Bold Little Minds MomCast, available on multiple platforms. Join the conversation on Instagram and explore Andrea's resources to further support your parenting journey. Remember, each story shared brings us closer to understanding and supporting one another.

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For Your Binging Enjoyment…

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Krissy: Welcome to the Bold Little Minds MomCast. My name is Krissy. I am a mom of two young boys and I am so happy that you are here with me today. I had such a busy week. I launched a brand new product. If you haven't been on my social media, I recently released my activity menus that I am so excited about.

It's on Etsy. I put it out there into the world. I finished developing it, packaging it, all those things. But I also launched it to brand new retail locations. So this was a very busy week for me. On Friday, I went It's a three of my different locations that I'm selling my products at my coloring books and my activity books and my activity menus now and I stocked those up including two brand [00:01:00] new displays after doing a lot of mock ups at home and all of the different background work that goes into planning to brand new displays.

So it was a lot of work, but it was so fulfilling and it was so fantastic. I'm glad that it's behind me and that now I'm just in this stream of marketing and restocking and doing all of those things, but I'm no longer planning that original phase, which is really nice to have it behind me. I would love for you to check out my activity menus on Etsy.

And my activity books on Amazon. I appreciate all of the support so many of you have offered me, even through your engagement on my Instagram or commenting and liking on these podcast posts. Everything means so much and really helps me to reach other moms so we can continue this mission of sharing stories and having moms feel heard, which is so important.

It's a space that needs more work for sure. On this week's episode, we have Andrea. Andrea is passionate about mental health. She works to support mental health in moms, [00:02:00] and also in children. And helping moms support their children's mental health. Because that's something that as moms, we don't know how to help them with a lot of times.

We can put a band aid on the boo boo, or we can offer some Tylenol for a fever. But, we can't necessarily help them with their mental health all on our own. This is something that we need some support with and we need strategies for. And Andrea is dedicated to helping us fill that bucket and get some strategies and some tools that we can really use to help our children with their struggles that they're going to face throughout their lives.

And one of the things that we talk about is anxiety in children and how that is such an increasing problem, or at least a problem that we're noticing more often, right? Might not be increasing, but it's something we're recognizing more. And we're seeing it in our babies, too. We talk about how both of us saw anxiety in our babies.

And it's just mind boggling to me, because as an adult, you don't really think about those pieces. One thing I want to point you towards that is really, [00:03:00] fantastically timed is one of my favorite follows is the parenting translator. She has an Instagram page and a sub stack with a newsletter where she dives into research that comes out about different topics that have to do with parenting.

And she takes the research and puts it in layman's terms and really weeds out some of the nuance, compares it with other research that's been out there, and helps you see which parts of the research you should be taking away and applying, and which parts you can be taking with a grain of salt. One thing that she also does is she takes viral videos.

and finds the truth within them. One thing that went viral recently was called the hurried child syndrome. It was a conversation between two women who were talking about how their mother saying, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, caused anxiety, this hurried child syndrome. And that's the main reason that they now, as adults, are suffering with anxiety disorders.

And, We all know that there's never one thing that contributes to [00:04:00] something like an anxiety disorder, but is this something that is a number one cause, as they're claiming? And the parenting translator finds that no, this is not the number one factor. In fact, only 4 percent of our parenting decisions translate into chronic anxiety through several research studies.

From what I took away from what she wrote is that the majority of it is genetics. Of course there's nature and nurture, but no one thing is going to be the cause for chronic anxiety and anxiety disorders. Now, more importantly, this is obviously something that could be stressful for children and could lead to chronic anxiety with a lot of other things that might be impacting their livelihood.

So, she gives a lot of really great suggestions on, if you find yourself saying, hurry up, hurry up, what you can do to help combat that and to model, good time management, to model good coping strategies, to model your coping with your own anxiety, to [00:05:00] help your child prepare to cope with their anxiety as they grow up.

So I definitely encourage reading that sub stack if anxiety is something that you are dealing with. Curious about reach out to her find her resources and and take a look at that because I found that study to be really Reassuring because as a mother of a child who shows anxiety symptoms, of course, I'm thinking what did I do?

And it's comforting to know that it is very likely not something I did came from his genetics but what I can do as a mom is help him come up with strategies to fight that and You to cope with that. I hope that you find something in this podcast that will help you inform your parenting and make you feel more confident in helping your child navigate their mental health and in navigating your own mental health.

Please take a moment to rate, and review this podcast. It truly does make a difference. If you're watching on YouTube, click that little thumbs up and that subscribe button. Leave a [00:06:00] little comment down on the bottom. It helps with the metrics and helps us get out into the world. If you're on Spotify or Apple, make sure you're clicking that plus sign.

button and leaving a little rating and review as well. Sharing with your friends goes a long way as well. I appreciate every share that goes out on social media and every comment that I receive on the reels that I share. If you'd like to share your story, I'm not looking for experts, I'm looking for moms.

I'd love to share any moms story. story out there because you all have something to share. I'm booking as many interviews as I can right now to prepare for the busy holiday season because I know once November and December hit, we're not going to be finding a lot of times where we're going to mesh up our schedules.

So get on my books now so that way we can get your interview out into the world. sometime this year or beyond. I would love to start planning for a 2025 with you. How wonderful would that be? I hope you enjoy this conversation with Andrea and please let me know what you think. Thank you so much. Enjoy the show.

Thank you for listening to the [00:07:00] BoldLittleMinds MomCast. I am here today with Andrea. Andrea is a mom of two kids, ages 16 and 14, and she's a small business owner and passionate about supporting mental health, which is one of my favorite things. Thank you so much for joining us today, Andrea,

Andrea: Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here and I'm excited to talk about all the things.

Krissy: all the things, right.

Andrea: the

Krissy: Not just mental health, because all of it's mental health. Like, as you say, yesterday I was watching your story and you said everybody has mental health. This is not an issue. This is not a thing. This is just, we all have it. So whether you are struggling with it or not, we have to support each other.

Andrea: 100%

Krissy: love it. So tell me a little bit about yourself like who you were before becoming a mom. What, what is your crazy journey that's brought you here today?

Andrea: So before becoming a mom, I got my bachelor's in psychology. So mental health and just that field has always been something that's just so important to me and I've just been so interested in, and really what my, my initial [00:08:00] plan was to continue on my education into my master's and my doctorate and do some sort of therapy work. But that didn't happen.

Krissy: Sure. Yeah.

Andrea: I got side railed. And I did have my kids. I had my daughter and You know, it's funny that when I had my daughter, it was almost like something clicked in me, like, this is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. Before that, I never really felt like at ease, like I always felt like I was looking for something or maybe this isn't right.

And I was constantly like searching. And then when I had my daughter, I was like, this is it. Like. This is okay. Like I feel good. And then that's what I did. I stayed home with my kids and I put everything else aside and that, that's my journey so far. Like that's, that, that was who I was. I was kind of just in this space kind of knowing where I wanted to go.

I also hated school.

Krissy: Okay.

Andrea: of like, [00:09:00] Oh my gosh, like I have all of these levels to go through.

Krissy: Right.

Andrea: Ooh, okay.

Krissy: Right, right. And I'm sure you still are learning from everything and reading other resources, videos, who knows, like, it's so accessible these days to learn from experts that you don't necessarily have to sit in a course that's timed and not on your own pace and not with your interests. So I'm sure that you're still doing all kinds of things.

Andrea: Yeah, absolutely. And that's what I was gonna say too, like it's, it's been amazing all of the opportunities that are just right on my computer and it's just so much easier for me to work like that and learn like that. But I have taken so many courses I have, you know, and I'm still doing it. It's constant education and constant learning. But just in a way that is so much better for my brain.

Krissy: I understand that. Absolutely. And it's so beautiful what you said of like coming together as a mom. I feel that way as well. I feel like all of my past experiences have kind [00:10:00] of led me here and this wasn't my planned journey. It's not where I was intending to go, but now that I'm here, it just all makes sense.

So I resonate with that piece a lot.

Andrea: Yeah, definitely.

Krissy: So you have two older kids, right? 16 and 14. So you've been through it. You have a lot of wisdom for us here to share. So tell me about your transition to becoming a mom. I know for me, zero to one was. Rough. I don't know about you.

Andrea: Yeah. It definitely was rough and it was definitely even though I felt like, Oh my gosh, this is where I'm supposed to be. There was still obviously like so many questions and so many things because we've never done this before. Right. There's no handbook. So it was definitely a rough one.

My daughter was not the easiest baby and neither was my son. My son was colicky and my daughter was just from the minute she was born, when I say anxious. Like it was [00:11:00] all over her. The transition and just trying to figure out like this new path and new routines and all of those things and what she needs, it was definitely a learning experience.

And it's something that we still take through to this day. I feel like it's constantly as they're changing, I have to change as well. Yeah, I feel like it was just. All over the place, but know, we, we, we did it. And then when my son was born, it's funny, cause my gynecologist was like, I was like, you know, talking about the pregnancies and stuff, but she was like, that's a different baby, like that's a different baby in there.

So you're going to have different feelings and they're going to be different. then that carried through obviously into when he was born. And, you know, you have a thought in your head, like, well, I already did this now. So now I got this, like, I'm good. And then there's this brand new baby with all of, you know, His quirks and all of the things and I'm like, okay, let's go back to the drawing board and figure out what we need to do now.

Krissy: Right? There's only so much you can carry, so much [00:12:00] knowledge you can carry from one child to the next because they're so different.

Andrea: Yes, yes, definitely.

Krissy: basics of how to keep them physically alive are fine, but the rest of it is totally different.

Andrea: Exactly.

Krissy: It's so funny because when you say the anxiety thing, , I think my oldest is similar where he It was always highly sensitive, you know, we were reading the baby books and trying to figure out how to help him and we're like, Oh, these, he has all of these things.

All of these things are rough for him. So, it just shifts where, how you approach things like crying and sleeping and all those things. But before having kids, or if you don't have a kid who has, you know, Like infant anxiety. You don't understand it. Like I remember being a teacher and having kids with anxiety and I'm like, how does a 10 year old get anxiety?

Like, give me a break. Like what is going on in that household that is giving this kid so much anxiety, but It's just in [00:13:00] you. And you don't get that until you see it. And I mean, I have anxiety as well, so I feel it, but that's different because I'm an adult and I have a lot of experiences. So you don't know, you know, all those things, but a kid.

Wow. Can you remember back to what kinds of things as a baby that you were seeing that, you know, We're showing you like this seems like something's going on.

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah. And like you said, as an infant before she could even talk, I noticed when there was a lot of noises or a lot of things going on, she would like kind of tense up and she would like kind of like do this to her little baby arm you know, stuff like that. And I just see her like do this or make like little wincing faces and stuff.

So that's kind of when I was just like, okay, like, That's, you know, something to watch and let's try to relax her and let's try to calm her. Then just as she got older, it just kept going and expanding from there. But even like you said, like with the crying and with bedtime and stuff like that I just had to [00:14:00] be close to her.

I didn't have to be right with her, but I had to be close to her. And she sensed it. It wasn't just a crying in like, I'm upset. I want you here. It was like a, I'm freaking out kind of a cry, you know, it was definitely a different, type of a cry. So as when like we say like with infant anxiety, that's what I was noticing a lot of like her pinching her arm, her like, scrunching up sometimes she'd like do this to her head. So yeah.

Krissy: Wow. So with the background in psychology, you had some knowledge of brain development and what's going on. I know that I took a couple of courses in child development, and I think that made all the difference in a lot of my early parenting decisions. And I mean, I'm still in early parenting. What am I saying?

It doesn't feel like it right now, but I know I am. So tell me about how that impacted how you approached your parenting.

Andrea: I definitely approached it with more of an open mind and more of psychology based and the whole child and [00:15:00] working with their mind and development and all of that. But I also think on the other hand even though I had that degree. There was still so much more that I had to learn just in the environment and just in the situation. And then that's also where all of the courses that I started taking online and all of the research I started doing also came in. Cause the BA in psychology, it gave me, I would just say, you know, like a baseline. then for me, I truly believe, and you know, I think a lot of us do that each individual then from there is completely different. So there's no like one size fits all to anxiety or to depression or to any of these things that we go through. So then from there, you know, it's kind of like a, to put the pieces together and then figure out like what's best and how to help.

Krissy: right. It almost helps you feel, realize what you don't know, right? So that you know where to look, you, you [00:16:00] recognize the gaps in your knowledge because of that baseline. It's, it's more informative of where you need to learn. So that's really helpful.

Andrea: Mm hmm. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Krissy: So where did you start to do some more research and studies?

Were you, are you a book person? Are you a TED talk person or a little of everything?

Andrea: I love reading books, but not educational so definitely, honestly, my best friend was Google for a while, and I would just go through resources and try to find, any articles that I could find from, mental health organizations. And then I would do online courses where. I would prefer the ones that were video. sometimes you can't find those. But definitely just online courses and anything that if I could find a Ted talk or if I could find anything that I could put in my ear while I'm walking the best, but you know,

Krissy: Right? Yeah, you make do you try to figure it out. I think these days to with [00:17:00] Instagram and tick tock. I mean, you have these highly educated experts who are just sharing their information for free in in bite sized snippets that you can actually just spend brushing your teeth. looking at.

Andrea: that. There's Dr. Amen. I'm not sure if you follow him, but he's like the top, neuroscience, he's amazing. And he does that. He'll share like these little snippets. And then what I like to do is if something really piques my interest, I save that. And then , I'll go back and research that.

And I'll , try to figure out more about that one topic and figure out, okay, well, how can I apply this? Would this help me and stuff? So you're right. I love those little tiny pieces. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that you could kind of grab and then if something really resonates, you could be like, Oh, I should look into this further.

Krissy: Yeah, it's so cool. It's so cool to be able to do that. So were you always planning to become a stay at home mom or is that just something that kind of developed as your kids got older?

And you realize maybe that your family is benefiting from this, or was this your plan all along?

Andrea: So it [00:18:00] was not my plan all along. I actually went back to work after my daughter was born and I left when she was about eight months old just because I couldn't. do it. I felt like I wanted to be there and she was with my mom. Still I just felt that like, no, I need to be there with her.

I want to be there with her. I didn't want to miss anything. My husband is NYPD, he's a police officer and his schedule was just all over the place. With her anxieties. And she also had a lot of health problems as a baby. She had bad asthma I'm just saying, I want to be there.

I want her to have a routine. I want her to have consistency. I want her to have all of these things. And I left and I never looked back. I loved it.

Krissy: That's fantastic. I love that. So now you are in a different spot of it where a lot of our listeners are early on in their mothering please tell me the joys of all of this, because some days you need that reminder right now,[00:19:00] 

Andrea: Oh my gosh. I know. I know. I could remember, I could remember those days where you guys are at. And honestly, I'm going to tell you, and I know. Okay. You probably hear this all the time and it's a little bit annoying at this stage that you're in, but just need to remember how quickly it goes. Looking back, my, my daughter is a senior this year and my son just started his freshman year of high school it was the blink of an eye.

It was just in the blink of an eye. And I think the most important thing. When the days are just so hectic and so crazy is number one to remember this is going to, this is going to pass and it's going to pass so quickly that, yeah, it's wild right now, but it's going to be okay.

Krissy: right?

Andrea: you're not going to get these little days back with these little ones.

 I was having a little bit of a rough week with this with, with my kids being so much older and just, but [00:20:00] yeah, that's just enjoy it even, even the chaos.

Krissy: I remember hearing something, with memes and all the things that go there was one tidbit that was circling around for a long time, right? When my baby was just born of when you are at your end, just give this gift to yourself, pretend that you are you from the future.

Andrea: Hmm.

Krissy: this moment. And this is the moment that you've returned back to for the, if I could give anything for five minutes, I would like, this is my five minutes in the future and

Andrea: Yeah.

Krissy: really helped me to shift it of like, okay, let's, let's soak this in, let's remember it, let's breathe. And, and cause these are the things I'm going to want.

And I'm a little bit of an older mom. So I think that puts it into perspective too, where I have friends who have already been through the whole thing. My, my. Cousin's daughter just graduated high school. So I've already seen the growth of a child all the way through in my adulthood of how is [00:21:00] this person just graduating?

So that puts it in a different perspective as well of like, wow, this, before I know it, I'm going to be in that shoe. So my husband and I will look at each other a lot and say, we are so lucky to be here right now. Like, in this moment.

Andrea: that. Yeah. I love that. And it's so true. It's just, it's, I know everybody says it time is a thief and in the blink of an eye, and it's just, it's just so true. It's just wild. Like how quickly it'll just pass you by. So.

Krissy: So tell me some of your favorite things that you have learned being a mom, as a mom, that you do to support yourself. Because I think that's something that we're all struggling with right now in these days of parenting. Like, where do I even make room for me? So what are your tips on that?

Andrea: Okay, so I would first like to preface this by saying that I did not always do this. I did not always do the mom self care I just want to say that. So it is normal to put yourself last because I think that's what we totally do as moms and as parents [00:22:00] specifically moms though. now what I've learned and I've only learned this after I literally hit a rock bottom myself, is I have a morning routine where I like to get up before all of my family members and just take some time for me. And I do the same routine every day. I sit with my coffee. I write my to do list just certain things just to get my day going.

I do a gratitude list, some affirmations. And honestly it takes like five minutes. I don't have the time or the brain space to have to do something huge. Right. So that's how I start my morning. I always, always take a walk, even if it's just around the corner. I need to get out and I need to get fresh air and I need to move my body. That's been extremely beneficial to me. And just community, you know, like just finding a community. This community online. I mean, it's amazing now. Like I have a lot of bad things to say about social

Krissy: Sure.

Andrea: but there's so many amazing positive sides to it. Like finding these [00:23:00] communities that can help you and support you throughout your journey at whatever stage you're at.

Krissy: That's really important because we hear a lot now about, where's my village? You know, I was, I was promised a village. Where is everybody?

Andrea: Yes.

Krissy: not going to be handed to you. You have to build it and you have to do the work and it doesn't have to be in person. And I think that's big because a lot of us, I think post COVID now has changed things about getting out.

And like when your kid is sick with the sniffles, you're not necessarily going to go to that play space , or the story time where is. six years ago, you might have. It's, it's different now. Mom groups are just starting up again. When I had my babies there were no postpartum mother groups, mommy and me groups that didn't exist.

It was all on zoom and I'm not making friends with a newborn on zoom. I did make one. I am very lucky that I did, but I know that that's the exception and not the rule. So, building a community online put [00:24:00] the social back in social media, I guess, is the piece of it. Be, be social, reach out and find people that you can communicate with because that's important.

And my neighbors. I live in a neighborhood of Grammy's. It's wonderful. Like we don't, I don't have a lot of moms in the neighborhood and kids, but living in a neighborhood of Grammy's, I think is better because everybody's into my kids and they come over or , they give them the cutest little Christmas presents and Halloween is, you know, the best thing on earth.

And so leaning into your neighbors and the people physically near you, because when you're walking down the road, Those are the people you're going to talk to.

Andrea: absolutely. Definitely.

Krissy: So, for somebody like me, who has a hard time leaving the house because your kids might not be putting on clothes that day, and my kids are awake before me, and I'm definitely not waking up at, 3am, 4am, whatever it is, to get up before them, where would you, looking back, because hindsight is 20 20 where would you suggest that we find our nuggets of the day?

Andrea: [00:25:00] Okay. This is a tough

Krissy: I know,

Andrea: This is a tough question. Oh

Krissy: Or do we just hang on and, and like, fill our water bottle and find the moment there to breathe and know that it's coming.

Andrea: Yeah,

Krissy: too.

Andrea: I, no, I don't wanna say that. I want you to feel like you have, I mean, listen, you know, when I was there, wanna talk hindsight. It was going into the bathroom, locking that door and just breathing a little bit, you know, just to get that, just to get that breather. I knew my kids, if I knew my kids were safe. They're good, you know, just a few minutes. Sometimes I needed that if you have any, any sort of support, anybody who will watch your kids, even just for a little short piece of time, utilize it like I was so my, no, I need to do this. I need to be here. I need to know. It's okay. Even with my mom, I would tag along. Why? They're safe. [00:26:00] They're okay. Give yourself the time to do whatever you want to do, which you could be just sitting on the couch staring into space if you need that, you know? So I would definitely say , you're on that side of it like I was, let go a little bit. And let, let people take your kids, let them be, and you, you have time for yourself.

It's okay.

Krissy: Yeah. I really appreciate you saying that because sometimes I look back, my husband is great and takes the kids for the most part after he gets out of work, mostly because we have a hard time co parenting because my youngest is like physically attached to me. So he can't play with the kids when I'm around because he just wants to be inside me again.

And so he can actually play with them when I'm not there. So it works. in my favor, that this is kind of how it is. But I'll, I remember when I was pregnant with my second, I, you know, spent a lot of time napping when I could and things like that. And I was looking back at the videos of my older one of him playing with my husband and being [00:27:00] like, I missed that.

I should have been there. And, and, but you're there for so much of it. You don't need to be there for all of it. So

Andrea: Yes.

Krissy: to hear somebody not living in regret of wishing that they were there for all of them.

Andrea: Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. I let it go.

Krissy: I'll work on that. Done.

Andrea: Let it go. Let it go.

Krissy: I'd love to hear more about your journey raising children who have had mental health issues and hear how that kind of has evolved over time and, and all of that.

Andrea: So the journey, lots of

Krissy: Yeah.

Andrea: Lots of stumbles. My, so my daughter, as I said, she was born with anxiety and it was just all over her. And as she grew older, it was getting worse and worse and worse. And she's actually at this point now at 16, she has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, panic disorder, and bipolar [00:28:00] two. She was in eighth grade when she got the bipolar two diagnosis. And that's really when even my self care, when I said I hit a rock bottom, that's, that's where it was because she was just, at her lowest. And this is a child who has been in and out of therapy who had me, who was working and researching and, trying to work with her and it just, it, it, it hit her. And she had thoughts of suicide in eighth grade. And as a mom, all we want to do, I feel like is just help your child.

Right? Especially when they're sick, you feel that. So unfortunately, this isn't as easy as, oh, they have a fever, let's, let's grab the Tylenol, you know? Oh geez, they fell down and sprained their wrists, let's get some ice and, bandage it up. And as I said earlier, too, like it's never a [00:29:00] one size fits all.

So I found myself in this place of just like spinning, and researching and my mind was constantly going, I'm missing something. What am I missing? What do I do? How do I help her? And. the whole mental health field. It needs so much attention. Trying to get a therapist, trying to find a

Krissy: psychiatrist 

Andrea: Trying to work with insurance.

Who doesn't call you back? Who has, who has, you have to wait three weeks or four weeks for an appointment. Was just, we were just like stuck and, and it was just frustrating. And I was not caring for myself at all until, like I said, I hit rock bottom and now here both of us are, and we're just like, neither one of us could do anything meanwhile, I still have my husband, I still have my son, you know?

Krissy: Yeah. Absolutely.

Andrea: So I, I, I just think. That little piece actually like really opened my eyes to the self care as a mom and as a caregiver, because if we fall, that's it, everything crumbles, right? [00:30:00] And that's kind of when I realized, I can't help her if I'm like this, I need to stop. I need to slow down. I need to take some time for myself and reevaluate the situation here. And I think that that was kind of like a transformation for me. With my daughter and my son, my son has ADHD and anxiety that comes with it. And he's completely opposite of how she acts.

Krissy: Right. Yeah.

Andrea: And in the journey and just walking through it. having to constantly, okay, this is how I need, this is who I need to be for my daughter and what she needs and then in a moment, snap out of it. And then this is what, this is what my son needs. So, you know, there's different levels and different and your brain just kind of has to flip like on a. on a dime.

So I think that that was definitely something that I learned. I had to learn. I also had to learn patience, like patience that I've never [00:31:00] thought that I could ever have. And honestly meeting them where they were and always still meeting them where they're at. Instead of, I could think I still do it sometimes like, well, what's the problem?

You know, like, well, what's the problem? Like, come on, let's do this. Let's do that. And then it's a, okay. No. She needs this and she can't, she, she can't do these things and that's okay. But you know, those, those thoughts and those things just come back constantly just cause I think that it's human nature and you're just like, Like, um, so I've definitely learned like a lot of that as well. And, it's, it's a continuous. It's a continuous growing and changing as they grow and

Krissy: Sure. It

Andrea: because what we're doing now wasn't the same, obviously, as when they were little. So we're just all growing together and learning together.

Krissy: sounds like you're wearing two very different hats

Andrea: Yes.

Krissy: these, with both ends of this, this spectrum you've got going on here. Wow. I can relate [00:32:00] to a lot of what you're saying where you're trying to figure out how to help them and you don't know what's going on and you're like, what is the big deal?

Like, let's just do this. And that's, I feel like I'm in training right now for that because that's all of life with a three year old and a two year old. It's just. Yeah. Like, what is the big deal? Put your shoe on! Let's get out the door! But you don't know what's happening under the surface. So I guess maybe that helps me with my lens, too, of I am in a long term marathon training of supporting these developing brains and, and trying to help people I don't understand.

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah. And then I think the, I think like the dance also includes, okay, like, when are they, When is something really going on under the surface and when are they just being kids, right? When are they just being like, I don't want to put my freaking shoe on. So no, you know, like, and then there's that hole that comes into it and you're like, okay.

Like, so there's just so many [00:33:00] pieces of it.

Krissy: Right. Like when do I get support from a professional versus when do I just take five deep breaths?

Andrea: exactly. Oh my

Krissy: So I hear what you're saying too about the field and how hard it is to get help because that is true. across the board. One of my number one piece of advice to an expecting mom is even if you don't think you're going to need it, find a therapist while you're pregnant and start meeting with them because if you have your baby and you do think you need additional support, you're not going to in that moment want to find somebody and build a relationship, especially all the nose that you get.

It's a, it's a game. It's like dating. You have to put out all these applications and all these emails and phone calls. And hopefully you find somebody accepting a patient. And then eventually you might get an appointment and hopefully it's a good match. And Whoa. And if you don't hit the [00:34:00] right match the first time, then you're probably not going to want to try again.

So yeah, find a therapist while you're pregnant, if you can, and if not find one now, because you might need it later. I found a wonderful therapist who I am so happy with that. I just see like every six weeks, even if I don't think I need it because I want to keep my relationship with her for when I do need it.

You know what I mean?

Andrea: Yeah, I love that. That that's great advice. 100%.

Krissy: Now, what kinds of strategies have you found? You've tried a lot of things. You've been, you've been working with your hats. You've been trying things that I'm sure you were like, I'm never doing that again. I'm never saying those things again. What are some hits and what are some misses?

Andrea: One of our favorites, our favorites is, and even now as my kids are older and in their teenage years, we do this five, four, three, two, one grounding exercise. So it is five things that you could see, four things you could hear, three things you could smell, two things you could touch, and one thing you could taste.

We make it a [00:35:00] game. Even at 16 and 14, they're in it and they're ready for the game and they're like, let's do this. And then of course it becomes competitive. Who could find more things, you know? But it gets them, it snaps them right out of whatever they're going through 'cause when you're, when you have anxiety or when you're starting to feel panicked or, even my son with his A DH adhd, that his brain's going everywhere. You know, anxiety I feel like is more like, okay, I'm focusing on this one thing and my sons is, he's everywhere, so I kind of need them. Both. So like pull back in, especially with their anxiety. So this is a way to get them both to focus on other things than what's going on in their brains. Like I said, we still do this. We were in an airport not too long ago and there was a lot of people and it was hot and I saw my daughter. started breathing a certain way and my son starts tapping his foot. And I was like, okay, here we go. And for that day, actually, instead of the 1, we just decided, Hey, who could find the most [00:36:00] things that are red?

Krissy: Ooh,

Andrea: they went like right into it and they were like, Oh, that one, that one. And then they're, then they're counting.

And then they're like, no, I found that one first, you know? And like I said, I mean, they're older and they're still like. Just sibling,

Krissy: Yeah. Yeah.

Andrea: Which at that point, I loved, I don't care that you're bickering because that's it. You're back. You're focusing on something else and you're calm. So those are like my absolute favorites just because it really, I mean, it really gets them engaged.

It really gets them involved and they enjoy it. I, I, I love it. Anything, because I have done in the past tried to be so structured and been like, no, you need to do this, you know, like, no, no, you need to do this breathing exercise right now. You know, when you can't, you can't be like that. It has to be, especially for kids, they have so many things that they have to do. Everybody's telling them what to do, when to do it, how to do it. For their mental health, they just need something that it seems fun. Oh, I like doing this. And they don't realize that it's [00:37:00] even work, that they're even doing something for themselves or that they're supposed to be doing for their mental health. So definitely that. We do do breathing exercises. We do a starfish, which I love. You take your hand. This is great for like little

Krissy: Yep.

Andrea: You take your hand like a starfish and you breathe in here and then you hold it and then exhale. And then the same all the way around. One's a lot of fun.

And they still do that one too. We use that when they were little, but they love that one too. We've built these toolboxes and I will say some days, like what worked yesterday might not work today. And, and I think that that's important for all of us, because I think that I was once in a space and I'm sure you could relate to this and everybody can, you're like, Oh yeah.

Like, Oh wow. Walking made me feel so good. And then one day you're just like, don't want to do

Krissy: Yep.

Andrea: no, I don't want to go outside. Know, we have to listen to our bodies and we have to, just because somebody says, walking's good for your [00:38:00] mental health, if you're, if you're really like, no, not today, then it's not today, you

Krissy: Great. That's not good for your mental health to force yourself to do something.

Andrea: exactly. Yeah. I think that we get stuck into these, like, well, I'm supposed to journal. I'm supposed to take a walk. I'm supposed to take supplements. I'm supposed to do this meditate. I'm supposed to, because that's the checklist and It's not a checklist. It's you have to check in with yourself which is something that I have my kids do as well.

And I do it too. And then within my morning routine, what do I need today? How do I feel today? I just need to sit and take some time to myself? Do I need to move my body? What do I need? So I think that like a morning check in for everybody is, is really helpful.

Krissy: That's great. Yes. There was an episode with Blair and we talk a lot about mindfulness. in your day, right? Not just like, we're not talking meditation. We're not talking doing a yoga practice or talking, filling your water bottle and doing a full body scan and checking in.

Where's your tension? Where are the things like that? It can change the [00:39:00] whole course of your day.

Andrea: definitely.

Krissy: And I love your five, four, three, two, one. I love anything observational like that because you always have it.

You can always use it. So for a young kid, that's probably way too much, but like you said, just find the red thing. So in your head, think about the five senses. And, or even I guess the seven, right? When you think about vestibular and proprioception, you can just use the C.

And if you don't know those, I should do an episode with those because do some, find some TikToks and Instagram reels about those. It's, it's life changing, but go through the, the senses and think, where could I tap in right now? Can we spin? Could we find something to taste? Could we find something to smell?

Like, are you in, if you're in the airport, can we find the smell of popcorn or something like that?

Andrea: Yeah.

Krissy: really great observational skills that are good for any age.

Andrea: Oh, yeah. Totally. Definitely.

Krissy: I love to hear that it doesn't stop because honestly, I, when you think about all these things you do with kids, I'm like, I do this too.

I'm [00:40:00] just an adult and can initiate it myself. So it doesn't stop.

Andrea: no.

Krissy: I love it. You're in this teenage years now. Tell me some of the joys of having teenagers, because I think we, I get worried. I get, I think about my kids getting older and I get sad, but I love to hear about the good things that I have waiting for me.

Andrea: I mean, the best thing is that they're like two little best friends and I know a lot of people say that as well, but they really are. I mean, we sit, we gossip, they'll come and tell me stuff in school, we'll go grab coffee together. We hang out, like they'll show me. And I think that's an important piece of it too.

Like, they'll be like, Oh, like they'll save Tik TOKs to show me.

Krissy: Oh,

Andrea: then

Krissy: cute.

Andrea: sit down together and we like watch the Tik TOKs. Do I have a thousand things to do like clean my dishes? Yeah, but they're not going to want to do this forever, right?

There's going to come a time when they're not going to want to sit and show me TikToks anymore. let me just take the time to do that. But I'm loving it. I'm loving [00:41:00] the teenage years. Them like become who, like one step closer to who they're going to be in the world and what they're going to give to the world.

I think is just, it's just so amazing. The best part and the worst part of motherhood is watching your kids grow up or is your kids getting older? Because, you know, I obviously miss them as babies, but it's such an amazing thing to see them just grow into adults. It's, it's wild.

Krissy: Ah, that's wonderful. And even with your boy too, because that's something as a boy mom, I like think about I'm like, I'm not going to have that relationship. They're going to grow away.

Andrea: No, no, no. My, my little boy. My little boy.

Krissy: I know. I love that. That's wonderful.

Andrea: I said it to somebody in the store the other day. I said, Oh, he's my baby boy. And they were like, he's a big baby. I'm like,

Krissy: So what?

Andrea: Yeah. I'm like, shut up. We have a great relationship and he's so sweet. He'll come and he'll sit and he'll talk and he'll be like, do you [00:42:00] know what happened today?

And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm listening to you talk. And I just think that that's something that comes from you. And I think that he feels he's going to feel that love and he's going to feel that you still want that connection with him. Yeah, I, I think you'll totally have that

Krissy: That's good news. I will. I will hold on to that.

Andrea: Yes, 100%.

Krissy: I love it. So tell me about some of the exciting things that you're doing with your online presence and your small business. Cause I know you have a lot in the works and going on. Tell me about those projects.

Andrea: Yeah. So as I've gone through my journey and all of these things, and then as my children got older there was a piece where not too long ago I was like, who am I now? What am I doing? Cause they don't need me as much and they're out with their friends and they're doing their own thing. And there just came this time when I was just like, huh? You know, like I'm a mom. I, I, I, Do mom things. Okay. Now I'm [00:43:00] not doing so many mom things. do I do now? Which is definitely something I think for like all of you moms with littles, try your hardest not to lose yourselves, because I completely lost myself.

I was a mom and that's all I was. And then I actually did start journaling, you know, a little journal prompts with who am I, what do I want to do? What makes me happy? What brings me joy? What's, what am I passionate about? Outside of. my little home here. I mean, it's mental health. I'm just so passionate about it.

I advocate so hard for it. So decided to create a digital course for parents to help their children with their mental health to see the signs to the, the tools, the resources that they may need, all of this research and all of this Googling that I did kind of in one spot.

So you don't have to go to 15 different places I sprinkle in some personal stories and I just really want to help [00:44:00] people and I want to collapse that time for them because I know how difficult that was for me going through it and going through it alone.

So I'm just trying to build this community, build the support just kind of help others just kind of help others because our youth are in a mental health crisis. And I think the way to help them to educate the parents because if we're not educated, we don't know what to look for. We don't know what we don't know when they're struggling or when they're just being defiant, right.

And how you could help them and all of these things.

Krissy: That's amazing. You are so right. They are in a crisis. I was working in middle schools and high schools before I became a mom and the number of kids that were hospitalized. for mental health issues on a weekly basis was astonishing. And I think it's because, I mean, obviously there's many factors, but one of the factors is the pressure.

There is so much pressure and we as adults feel it as well. [00:45:00] So one thing that I think we can do from an early on places start to model how we deal with that pressure. And as I'm hearing you say, find who you are and, and don't lose yourself in it. There's pressure in that too. So trying one thing I would say to model is start by whittling that down because that doesn't have to be big.

You don't have to have this big hobby that you pick up. You don't have to become this like master knitter or whatever the thing is. Your hobby, your passion, your person could be just. Journaling five minutes a day leaning into whatever the thing is, listening to some music that you want to listen to could be the thing that you do when you have no other time.

But not feeding into all of the big pressures of, I should be doing this. I should be doing that. And like, I hear mom say, I should be doing letters more. with my kids. And I think there's no should you will do it. They will get it. Just let it fit in naturally. So what are some things that you [00:46:00] can suggest for moms to do to help to model not giving into that pressure or dealing with that pressure?

What can we do?

Andrea: Yeah. I think one of the biggest things is like you said, like just lead by example. When my kids were very little I would say things as I was doing it, like, Oh, I'm going to take some deep breaths. Oh wow. That feels so nice. Oh, feel so much more relaxed now. My shoulders aren't as tense.

Do you guys want to try it with me? And like stuff like that, like when they were very little and they'd be like, yeah, I'll try that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I would go about my day, sprinkling in these little things again without it being a full lesson of you need to, you need to take care of your mental health.

We need to do deep breaths. We need to do this. We need to do that. And as I would do something for myself, or would just talk through it, even if there was something stressing me out, I'd be like, wow, you know, like I'm feeling really kind of stressed right now. So what should I do? Sometimes I would even turn it around and be like, what do you guys think I should do?

Like I had this [00:47:00] conversation, it was really kind of heavy and like, or I have this deadline, I have to get this done, but I don't know, I'm, I'm feeling like, Oh, anxious or stressed about it. What do you guys think I should do? And, responses sometimes were just so funny,

Krissy: Yeah, I love that.

Andrea: lightens the mood and you're like, Oh yeah, I should.

Right. And I shouldn't worry so much. Of what we did was a lot of conversation, but conversation like that, just like sprinkling it in and just kind of constantly talking to them. And then listening, the act of listening is, you know, just great. And having them know that you're there, you're present, you want their input.

They're important too. So I think that just all of that. And I always, always stressed. That nothing more important than their mental health, like they would stress over test grades. wouldn't and I and I would constantly reassure them. It's one test, not a big deal. This does not define who you are. I think [00:48:00] just with us, if we're going through something, share it,

Krissy: Right.

Andrea: not to the point of it being so heavy, obviously, but share it in a way that they could understand it. Cause kids are so observant and they know anyway. So you may think, Oh, I'm hiding this and I'm keeping this in and , they don't know what I'm going through.

But they're seeing you and they're watching you and they watch your body Language change and all of those things. So I think just opening up and being like, Oh, I had a really rough day today. I really rough day. Should we just sit down and put our feet up and hang out on the couch because that's, that's what we should do after a rough day.

You know, like just kind of those little things.

Krissy: That's really refreshing to hear. The, like, being a sportscaster, right? Talking about everything you do and is something that we should do just for vocabulary development and all those things anyway, but to share what's going on In your head can teach so much, you know, the mental health strategies, the coping strategies, but also problem solving and [00:49:00] logical reasoning, those kinds of things.

It's well beyond. So if you can start to really develop that, that's huge. And then asking your kids for input. I love that because they start doing that right away. Like my three year old will ask me, like, if I'm crying, mama, why are you crying? You know, and then like the other day, like one and a half year old opened the pantry door onto my foot and it hurt so bad.

And my three year old goes, Mommy, you should be wearing socks. And in the moment you're like, thanks,

Andrea: Yeah. Great.

Krissy: but it just goes to show that they are taking this information, even if they won't use it themselves necessarily, and they have it. So if you're asking them for their knowledge, they probably are already soaking in then that's empowering them to feel smart too. So cool. I love that.

Andrea: Yeah.

Krissy: I love that. And I'm listening.

is so important in so many ways. My, my [00:50:00] three year old would, was started to run away from me at the library. To the point where he would just leave and start running down the hill like and nobody would stop him because we live in a society that nobody, very few people notice their environment around them.

So there's this three year old leaving past security guards, past librarians, down about two, three, Doors down, you know, and everyone's like, he's that way. He's not what I think. Thanks. Thanks for the help. I appreciate that. Yeah. The message he was sending me was mom. I hate the library.

Andrea: Mm

Krissy: Why are we going here?

So we stopped going to library. Did we stop going anywhere? No. Did we stop reading? No. But that library situation for whatever reason was not vibing with him. So, so listen, you know, if they're giving you a behavior, Sure. Over and over again, they're telling you something through that. And you just have to play detective and try to figure out the route.

Andrea: Yeah. Absolutely. And I love that. I love that you did that because, you know, so many [00:51:00] times, like I know with my own kids, when they would do something like that or when they would be like, I don't want to go there. I don't want to do that. And it would like kind of freak them out a little bit. You know, my parents who are obviously a bit older generation and a completely different generation would be like, you're no, like you're giving into them too quickly.

You're the parent. You tell them this is where we're going and that's the end of it. And in my head, I'm like, why am I, why would I torture this child? Like, why would I, it's the library, like we could still get books. We could still read. We could still do all of those things. Like why am I going to make, not only make child's life harder, my life harder too, because then you're running after, you know, your kid down the thing and it's

Krissy: Carrying another one under your arm, like, and then you have to go in back in and get your stuff. It's humiliating. And do I, I still, I'm kind of embarrassed about it. I still feel when I, when people will ask me, Oh, do you go to the library? I feel that I do still feel this need to explain myself about why I'm not doing it.

Like I'm defending my choices as a [00:52:00] parent, but even though I shouldn't, but I do. That's how you feel. So, but. You know that there's all these other things you're giving them. So, this one thing, or these ten things, whatever they are, that you're not doing for whatever reason, you have your reasons. Your kids have your reasons, and they're going to be social.

They're going to meet other kids. They're going to play and talk and do all the things, even if you don't go anywhere. It's going to be fun.

Andrea: Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yep.

Krissy: Oh my goodness. This has been so much fun. I can't believe we've been talking for almost an hour. This goes so fast. And we could continue talking because this conversation is so rich and there's so much to share. And I feel like I still need to be siphoning more of your knowledge and wisdom out because it's huge to hear that.

Yes, your kid is going to be okay. And yes, you can be working on these things. And even if you have major concerns about them. You can, it's a work in [00:53:00] progress and you didn't screw it up. You didn't do something wrong.

Andrea: Yeah, absolutely.

Krissy: So tell us where we can find more of your gems and wisdom.

Andrea: So you could find me on Instagram at Andrea T. McGrath and I have a stan store linked up in my bio and there's actually free resources over there. There's one for parents with like younger kids. There's just how to get a conversation going with mental health and with your children. And a little, breathing resource of this really cute like rainbow breathing.

It's adorable. There's journal prompts over there. So there's a lot of free resources and then I'll be, you know, I pop in and out and a lot of my content is obviously based around mental health how to find a therapist, all of these things. So could catch me over there.

Krissy: Awesome. Great resources. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and all of this wisdom. And I look forward to following you along for more. If you'd like to share your story, [00:54:00] please reach out to me. You can send me a DM on Instagram, or you can email me at boldlittleminds at gmail. com. You can connect with me on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Pinterest, all the things make sure that you share this podcast with your friends, leave a rating, review, and make sure you subscribe on whatever channel you're on or multiple channels, if you are so inclined, and I really appreciate your time in listening.

Thank you so much. And we will see you next time. 

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