Adoption After Birth, Letting Kids Be Kids, and Lifelong Learning: Poppy’s Story

BoldLittleMinds MomCast
Written By Mom Identity Project

In the latest episode of the Bold Little Minds MomCast, host Krissy welcomes her first international guest, Dr. Poppy, an educational lecturer, author, and mother of three. They dive into discussions about motherhood, the transition from educator to mom, and the unique paths that lead to family.

Welcoming Fall and New Beginnings

As we settle into the crispness of fall, Krissy reflects on the changes the season brings and shares her excitement about launching her new activity menus designed for toddlers to explore independently. These menus are her latest passion project, filled with creativity and self-discovery, allowing young children to engage with intuitive activities and foster their independence

A Chat with Dr. Poppy

Krissy introduces Dr. Poppy Gibson, a lecturer in education and a mother, who shares her insights on balancing mental health while navigating the chaos of life as a parent and a professional. Dr. Poppy emphasizes the importance of taking life one day and one season at a time, highlighting the ever-present challenges and joys.

Discovering Passion in Education and Lifelong Learning

Dr. Poppy's journey is a testament to passion in education. Despite not enjoying school as a child, she found her stride as a lifelong learner after becoming a teacher. Her academic pursuits include multiple degrees, showcasing her love for knowledge and the empowerment it brings. For Dr. Poppy, learning is a continuous journey, enriching her life in various ways.

A Unique Journey to Motherhood

Dr. Poppy's path to motherhood includes both biological and adoption routes. She candidly shares the emotional and logistical challenges of adopting a child, revealing the patience and resilience required throughout the process. Her story underscores the profound connections that form, regardless of the path taken to expand one's family.

Navigating Parenting and Education

As the conversation unfolds, Dr. Poppy and Krissy discuss the challenges and rewards of raising children with educational backgrounds. They explore the understanding of child development and the importance of patience and empathy when dealing with childhood behaviors. Dr. Poppy emphasizes the significance of nurturing relationships where children are respected and included as integral parts of society.

Self-Care and Family Bonding

The conversation also touches upon self-care. Dr. Poppy highlights regular date days with her husband as an essential part of maintaining her well-being. These moments of connection and relaxation help balance the demands of parenting and professional life.

Activities for Kids: Simplicity and Creativity

Both Krissy and Dr. Poppy share tips on engaging children with simple yet effective activities. From baking simple cupcakes to using tough trays for creative play with everyday items like ice cubes and shaving foam, they stress that enriching play doesn't need to be complex or Instagram-worthy—it simply needs to be fun and engaging for the kids.

Dealing with Tantrums and Emotional Outbursts

In response to a listener's question about managing public tantrums, Dr. Poppy advises staying calm, present, and patient. She encourages parents to acknowledge their availability and support without necessarily reacting, allowing children the space to express themselves.

Final Thoughts and Takeaways

This episode serves as both a comforting companion and an insightful guide for parents navigating the multifaceted journeys of parenting, professional life, and personal growth. Dr. Poppy's upcoming book, "All the Things They Never Told You About Teaching," delves deeper into these topics, offering practical advice and fostering open dialogue about the realities of life and education. For those interested in Dr. Poppy's work and perspectives, she can be reached via Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn, where she continues to share valuable thoughts and resources on education and family life. On a final note, Krissy invites listeners to share their stories and connect through email or social media to foster a community of support and shared experiences. Listen, learn, and embrace the joys and challenges that come with motherhood and beyond.

Help Us Grow

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For Your Binging Enjoyment…

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Krissy: Welcome to the Bold Little Minds MomCast. I'm so glad you're here with us. It is officially fall and it's starting to feel like that, at least where I am. The weather is getting cooler. You can start to feel a crispness in the air. The leaves are starting to change. The things that I'm not loving are trying to find all of the layers, all of the sweaters, all of the jackets, all of the things that have been put away.

Realizing I need to buy them in bigger sizes for the kids. And the earlier nights, it's getting dark really early and I am not loving that change. We are still having a lot of sleep issues, but that's old news. Nobody wants to hear about that anymore. But if you are in it with me, it's exhausting [00:01:00] and I feel your pain.

We will get through it. We will find a way. Some exciting things that have gone on with me recently is I am launching my new activity menus that I am so excited about. This has been something that I've been wanting to do for like a year now. I bought these and I've been trying to design them and develop them, but I haven't figured out exactly how to make it right.

My goal with these is always to make activities that toddlers can do independently without you sitting over their shoulder reading them the directions. And I found a way. To make it work with these activity menus that are dry erase markers, you don't have to print things, you don't have to cut things, you don't have to set up velcro, just give them a dry erase marker and they can draw the lines, decorate the pieces, whatever the directions are.

And without even reading the directions, the activities are all very intuitive that they should be able to pick up on their own. And if they don't, they'll come up with something else. Even if it's not what the directions intended. They are so smart, and some of the best things are the things that they come up with on their own.

It is so amazing to watch. I'm very excited about [00:02:00] that. I've launched that and a fall add on pack to my Etsy page, and then this week I'll be adding them to all my retail locations locally. So I've been really busy putting that all together, but it's given me so much passion. And one thing I've realized is how much more like myself I feel doing these kinds of projects.

I feel invigorated. I feel creative. I feel motivated to do these things. And it's exciting. I look forward to it. One of the things I hate is when you get those small nuggets of time that you weren't expecting. And you have nothing to do in them. So you spend the whole time trying to figure out, What do I want to do?

What do I want to watch on TV? And you just scroll through Netflix. Or you pace back and forth. Or you're like, well, maybe I'll do some laundry. And you putz about. But you never actually do anything. And then all of a sudden, that time is over. And you feel like it was wasted. I hate that feeling. So right now, with all these projects I have going on, I feel like there's never a dull moment.

I always have something to occupy my time. I don't have a spare minute [00:03:00] and I actually love that. I feel so fulfilled and that is wonderful. It's wonderful to have these physical products that I've created myself that I can look at and say, wow, I mean, motherhood is fulfilling and wonderful. And I love seeing my kids learn and develop and change.

But it's so nice to have something of your own that. Is something that you can point to and say I did that I wonder what you might have that something else that you're doing with your time or feel like you are feeling fulfilled in maybe it's maintaining your home. Maybe it's baking maybe it's going for walks I'm not sure what those things are but I'd love to hear about them because I'm always fascinated what other people are finding in their time if you don't have something.

Then, I definitely encourage you start journaling or start thinking about what are some things that you could do that bring you joy and just leaning into it. It doesn't have to be something traditional or even big. It can be something very small like decluttering. Maybe that brings you joy or maybe putting together that scrapbook for your kids or organizing [00:04:00] your digital photos.

Like, any of those things could be really fulfilling for you, and it would be interesting to hear what you might have. Today, our interview is with Poppy. Poppy is an educational lecturer. She is my first overseas guest. I was so excited to talk with her about her journey in academia. She has taken so many classes, and has so many degrees, and she has so many kids, and it was really great to hear from her.

About her journey to motherhood, because she has a couple of different pathways. She birthed some children, biologically, but then she also has an adopted child. And it's really amazing to hear how all of this came to be, and how it's impacted her motherhood journey in different ways. I really enjoyed my conversation with Poppy.

I enjoy following her on social media. Uh, I think she is really inspirational and just so down to earth and she's got like this cozy vibe to her. So I hope that you enjoy our conversation and definitely check out her social media. I hope that you take the time to rate and review and subscribe to this [00:05:00] podcast.

Make sure you share it with your friends and I hope you enjoy the show.

Welcome to the Bold Little Minds MomCast. My name is Krissy. I am a stay at home mom to two young boys and I am so happy to be having my first international interview here with Dr. Poppy. Dr. Poppy is a lecturer in education. She is an author. She has a PhD and she has three kids, 13, 9, and 5. Thank you so much for being here

with me today. 

Poppy: Hi! 

no, thanks for having me on. Just really excited to talk to you today.

Krissy: I'm excited to talk to you too. I know that you specialize in mental health and you really focus on moms and teachers of how to stay sane with all the chaos

that's

going on. 

Poppy: Yeah, I try. We're all trying our best.

Krissy: best. Yeah, the best we can do for sure. And I think right now we all need a little sanity with the changing of

seasons 

and 

Poppy: Definitely.

Krissy: it's all pretty

rough.

Yes. 

Poppy: Every [00:06:00] day has its new challenges and wonders and joys. So definitely about just doing it one day at a time. One season at a time. Yeah.

Krissy: Great. Well, you have a background as an educator. You have an upcoming book, All the Things They Never Told You About Teaching. We can talk about that

throughout. but 

Poppy: Great.

Krissy: want to hear about your life before becoming a mom. Who were you and what brought you to here?

Poppy: Yeah. Well, I mean, I'll cast my mind back a really long time. As you say, my oldest is a teenager, so we're going back, um, a good 13 years. 

But even then it wasn't child free because I was a teacher. So I was a primary school teacher from 21

and I had my first son mid 20s. So,

Krissy: even 

Poppy: then I just loved being around children.

I loved watching them grow.

I loved 

Krissy: nurturing 

Poppy: them, learning from them.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: I always knew that I wanted children of my own as well. So it just was part of the natural process. Once 

I was 

settled,

Krissy: I 

Poppy: I knew that I wanted to be married, just [00:07:00] me personally. That was I just wanted the kind of security and relationship I thought was strong and 

Krissy: everything 

Poppy: fell into place.

 I married my, my husband now that I've been with since 17. So we're kind of like teenage sweethearts and 

Krissy: we 

Poppy: just always on the same page around children. But.

even before I had kids, it was definitely child centered 

Krissy: about 

Poppy: being inclusive of children. I've always loved being child centered and obviously 

Krissy: having my 

Poppy: my first son in my twenties meant 

My whole life is child centered ever since.

But I think I've always loved seeing how Children should be that respected part 

Krissy: of our 

Poppy: our society, respected in conversations, ask their opinions.

And, you know, when we 

Krissy: look 

Poppy: look back kind of. 

medieval times, Children definitely were not respected. Even Victorian times, they were

Krissy: thought to 

Poppy: to be seen and not heard.

So for me, I've 

Krissy: Even 

Poppy: before I had children of my own, I definitely just love being around children and spending time with them. But I

definitely had [00:08:00] better lions at the weekend. That's for sure. 

Krissy: Right. I agree with you. It's so funny looking at history and seeing it's not even that far back. You don't have to dig far to see where children were not the central part of our lives.

Like when you watch movies from the 50s, 

it's 

Poppy: Yes, 

Krissy: kids are playing in the other room and And let the parents have the cocktails.

Yes, 

Poppy: yes, I mean I still love a cocktail so I can see that bit but

Krissy: Sure, yeah, but but centering our lives around kids is, is kind of relatively new, so we don't have a lot to refer back to, so that's great. I always say that having a background in education and understanding child development to a level has really helped improve my patience quality as a parent. Are you finding the same thing?

Definitely, 

Poppy: and I think

Krissy: having a 

Poppy: a background in education for me as well helps me understand the needs

and where Behaviors coming

from from so I think it

also makes you, 

Krissy: as 

Poppy: as you say [00:09:00] more patient But put things in perspective a bit more obviously we all have moments where we feel like we're absolutely going to lose it but when you think 

Krissy: Maybe the 

reason they're having that tantrum is because of an unmet need, not just because they're being naughty.

It helps you kind of think, wait a minute, they're frustrated and then reminding what it's like when we're frustrated and 

we've 

just learned how to manage it, but they're still learning how to self regulate. So it definitely

makes 

you, I think, have a more holistic approach of parenthood.

When you understand some of the things around development.

And

regulation and anxieties that children have, definitely. 

Right. And realizing that their brains are so incomplete that it's even the little things that we see, think are little are so huge to them and they just have so much going on in the background that we just can't understand. We can't figure out.

Poppy: Exactly. 

Krissy: and those frustrations, it's even when you can't figure it out, you're like, why are you so frustrated about [00:10:00] this one little thing? it's it's not just that it's everything else going on. And that goes All the way through teenagehood and beyond because

of all 

the 

Poppy: Definitely.

Krissy: that we've

got going 

on. 

Poppy: Definitely, yeah, as you rightly know. And I think 

Krissy: it's 

Poppy: harder as well when we've seen

maybe even our parents, if I even look back at my own childhood,

certainly if I did something, like had a tantrum, it was seen as being naughty,

Krissy: naughty, 

Poppy: you know,

Krissy: Even 

Poppy: though 

Krissy: my 

Poppy: children think I'm a dinosaur. It wasn't that long ago

Krissy: that 

Poppy: we saw,

you know, children having physical punishment in the home growing up.

And only recently that's become like illegal here in the UK to smack your children.

Krissy: They're 

Poppy: just a really different approach. And sometimes that means you're on your own because

Krissy: I'm sure 

Poppy: sure some of us can relate to when we've been out with family and they think, oh, you let your kids get away with everything or that's not how I was brought up.

But I think when we go in with a more nurturing and

open 

attitude to kind of trying to understand what our children are trying to say to us, 

Krissy: we 

Poppy: actually have a better relationship with them [00:11:00] and they will hopefully grow into more emotionally strong adults. 

Krissy: And it's a long game. It is not rewarding necessarily in the short term.

Like with my three year old, I try to practice all the gentle parenting, all of the making connection and long term goals, but man, in the moment, you are not seeing that reward when they're just laughing in your face after

they continue to

do 

Poppy: No,

Krissy: No, 

Poppy: you're right, you're right. It's definitely about putting that mask on yourself, keeping your cool, counting to five because all they want is a reaction, right? 

Um, 

but you'll definitely, you'll reap the rewards. Just wait till they're very balanced adults and they're buying you great birthday presents.

It'll all be worth it. It'll be worth it, Krissy. 

Krissy: I will take that and I will put that on my wall. Dr. Poppy says this is worth it. So

continue on. 

We'll 

catch 

We'll catch

up 

in 10 years, 20

years.

time and see how it's going.

Absolutely, I love that, yes. Let's put it on the Google calendar

now. 

Poppy: [00:12:00] Yeah,

Krissy: so you have this background in education, you've always wanted to be a teacher, you've always wanted to work with kids, but then you somehow became some sort of lifelong student yourself, right?

Tell me about

this. 

yeah. 

Poppy: yeah. And interestingly, I didn't like school. I didn't always get on well at school. And even when I went to uni to train to be a teacher, I didn't 

Krissy: really 

Poppy: enjoy the learning environment. But something just clicked. I think as you get older, you learn about yourself more, don't you? And 

you sit more comfortably with yourself.

And after I finished my teacher training,

Krissy: And I 

Poppy: I became a teacher myself. I think I became more open to also being a learner. So from that point on,

I did a Masters in Education, PhD 

Krissy: in 

Poppy: in

education, 

Masters in Mental Health Science when I finished my PhD, because I was bored.

And I'm just, just about to start a Masters in Psychology so I can actually have an official accreditation from the British Psychological Society.

So, 

Krissy: my 

Poppy: my last Masters. 

No, definitely my last [00:13:00] master's. I just love it. I think knowledge is

Krissy: so 

Poppy: so empowering. Any knowledge, it doesn't have to be a degree, it doesn't have to be a course, but learning anything 

Krissy: enriches our 

Poppy: our life, doesn't it? And teaches

us a new skill,

or teaches us about ourself, as well as teaching us content.

so.

yeah, being a lifelong learner, definitely. I think I'll be one of those people, like 90 years old going up on the graduation stage. I hope I am. 

Krissy: I hope you are, too. I think you will be. You'll be up there with all the, the young ones, and you'll be saying, you have no idea.

Poppy: What about you? Do you love learning? Do you love studying?

Krissy: do. I really do. And it's amazing the time that we live in right now because it's so accessible. 

Poppy: Amazing. That's amazing!

Krissy: at least in the school district that I used to work in, and in the state I used to work in, you have financial incentives to continue on.

So when you have your master's plus 15 credits or plus 30 credits, you, you go up the scale. So, and you have to continue taking master's level [00:14:00] courses. That's

amazing. 

Poppy: That doesn't happen here in England. I think that's a great idea.

Krissy: It really is, because it, it gives you that incentive to continue on with your learning and not just, you know, to stay stagnant.

But like you've said, it doesn't have to be taking formal school. So since becoming a mom, I've been wanting to dive deeper into development and things like that. But I just don't have the, I probably could make the time. I mean, we all have time and you make your choices, but I don't want to make the

time 

and the 

Poppy: Yes.

Krissy: to a formal course that where I just feel like I might disappoint myself. but Instagram, people are putting out such rich knowledge from. The experts, like the top experts in fields 

for free 

Poppy: Yes. 

Krissy: that you 

can 

access 

Poppy: Yes. 

Krissy: If you go to somebody's highlights, you can learn anything you

want. 

It's 

Poppy: incredible, isn't it? You know, even today, I was at football practice with my, my youngest,

Krissy: Lacey, 

Poppy: just started football for the first time today.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: [00:15:00] I was talking to two moms, and I was saying about children's clothes in the drawers, you know, it's a nightmare.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: one mom said,

I don't fold I roll and I was like, 

Krissy: hmm. And 

Poppy: hmm.

And I thought I roll 

Krissy: a

Poppy: in a suitcase, you know Roll the clothes up in a suitcase, but I have never rolled in a drawer She was like I roll pajama tops and bottoms together. 

I roll like shorts and tops sets together and I was like, 

Krissy: You have 

Poppy: have taught me something new and I said, how did you become such a good adult and she said

Krissy: instagram 

Poppy: Instagram.

Krissy: Yes! 

Poppy: For this show, we even learn daily tips and tricks from social media too.

Krissy: Right, daily tips and tricks and also like, physical therapists, occupational therapists, mental health counselors everybody's out there putting out content that is so rich and it's nice because you can go back and forth between something really deep and interesting to, you know, content Like a cat video and

have a 

moment of 

Poppy: Yes. It

Krissy: I feel like people are ashamed to say, Oh, I learned this on Tik Tok. I got me and [00:16:00] my sister have a joke. We'd be like, I listened to this information and I learned this and really it's like, did you watch a Tik Tok? And it's so amazing, astrophysicists, everybody, you can learn

anything you 

want out 

Poppy: You can learn anything, and you're in control, aren't you? When you want to view it, how long you want to view it for,

Krissy: it 

Poppy: is really incredible. And often we focus on the dangers, don't we, of social media? But you're right, there is so

Krissy: so 

Poppy: much to be learned, too. 

Sometimes

Krissy: just 

Poppy: you 

do just want to watch the cat videos.

Krissy: You 

Poppy: don't always want to dive into something more meaningful and, you know, that might trigger you or that's going to give you more emotional baggage. So,

sometimes we do opt for the light content.

But you're right, there is a lot to learn if we, if we look for it and if we have the time to look for it.

Krissy: It's such an amazing time to be alive. I can't even imagine what our kids are going to be like, so teaching them to be lifelong learners

and find that 

passion 

Poppy: Yeah,

Krissy: because they're going to have access that we can't even

imagine. 

exactly. and 

Poppy: And look how you, you know, [00:17:00] even for you with all that you're doing as a stay at home mom,

Krissy: mom, 

Poppy: it's enabled you to run your own podcast

Krissy: with 

Poppy: with international guests.

Krissy: Right. 

Poppy: So that's pretty cool, isn't it? Like you're being a great role model for them. It's, it's really inspirational. 

Krissy: Thank you. That's, that's really kind.

I really appreciate that. now tell me about your kids. So, you have kids, 13, 9, and 5, but I know that your journey to motherhood wasn't necessarily the same as everybody else's. You have a nice blend of, of choices that you've made along

the way. 

Poppy: Yeah, 

yeah. I think I've been really fortunate in always being able to make choices around my Children. So, 

Krissy: um, both 

Poppy: both of my

Children, I'm like, very pleased for like planned, right? Everything worked 

Krissy: really 

Poppy: well with the fertility journeys and 

the pregnancy. So we had two boys.

My oldest boy, Otto.

Krissy: We 

Poppy: always

Krissy: said we 

Poppy: we want to have a boy and we want to call him Otto. 

Krissy: I 

Poppy: So I feel like we kind of manifested

him. 

and he's amazing. He's like, 

the best bits of me and then like [00:18:00] even better times 10. 

Krissy: And 

Poppy: and then my middle son, Griff, 

Krissy: we 

Poppy: had

him three years later. 

Krissy: Again, 

Poppy: we planned him, he came, he was amazing.

Krissy: We 

Poppy: didn't find out if he was a boy or girl. We wanted to surprise with him. 

 And you know, when, when you're pregnant, you're like,

Am I craving sweet things? Am I craving savoury? And I, I really had no clue if he was gonna be a girl or a boy, but we thought it'd be fun just to wait and see.

Krissy: And I 

Poppy: I remember when he was born and my husband said, 

Krissy: It's 

Poppy: It's a boy! And I just felt it was 

Krissy: perfect.

But 

Poppy: But you know, having two boys,

Krissy: I 

Poppy: I was so happy thinking about their relationship they would have. 

But, strangely, 

Krissy: Our 

Poppy: third child actually came along as a seed in our mind when I was pregnant with my second son. I was pregnant and,

I'd been reading some things online around children that need fostering, children need adopting,

Krissy: and 

Poppy: and my husband and I had always talked about fostering or adoption.

Krissy: And

Poppy: Something in me and maybe it was the pregnancy hormones 

Krissy: because 

Poppy: because I was still pregnant in the meantime with Griff.

Krissy: I 

Poppy: [00:19:00] I just thought I'm going to ring my local council and get on their

Krissy: adoption 

Poppy: list to see if we can be assessed

Krissy: as 

Poppy: as adopters. And I remember ringing them. I was at work. I was a teacher. I was at work and I quickly called them in the bathroom and said 

oh, hi, I live in

Krissy: your 

Poppy: your county. I'm interested in becoming an adopter.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: they said, oh, tell me about your children. Do you have children at the moment? And I said, I've got a three year old.

And I'm pregnant. And they said, look, this was not the right time.

 And they also told me here in England, there's a rule that your youngest child has to be four

Before you can adopt if you have Children already in the home.

So they said, Look, you need to

Krissy: first of 

Poppy: of all, give birth,

Krissy: raise 

Poppy: that child to school age and then call us back in four years time.

So 

Krissy: it 

Poppy: it was pretty much four years to the day

that 

Krissy: Me and my 

Poppy: and my husband sat down and we said,

look, Griff's starting school, what about considering adoption again? And my husband gave me the green light.

Krissy: So I 

Poppy: I jumped onto the council website, you know, how do I register

to learn more about adoption? And yeah, went [00:20:00] to an information evening, started to learn about the children living in care or the children that were being fostered that needed homes.

But 

Krissy: but the 

Poppy: the thing that surprised me the most personally was 

Krissy: I 

Poppy: thought

at this point I'd already been teaching for

Krissy: I 

Poppy: I've just been teaching for about 12 years.

Krissy: I 

Poppy: had a master's, 

I think I had 

Krissy: my 

Poppy: PhD.

So I thought this would be a breeze, you know, they're going to see me coming. I'm married to like my childhood sweetheart. 

Krissy: We 

Poppy: had, we had our own home. We were very, we were feeling very confident and comfortable. It still took a whole year

Krissy: Wow 

Poppy: And a lot of the times along the way, I kept thinking I could have just

tried to get pregnant biologically and I'd have only had a nine month wait

and going through this assessment process took a year and a lot of people were saying to me, Oh, don't,

don't, 

you want to just have another biological child, but something in me thought, 

I, I don't feel my next child needs to be actually like of

Krissy: my flesh.

Poppy: I, 

Krissy: I 

Poppy: [00:21:00] know there are children out there that need homes and need families.

And actually we feel like we could 

hopefully give someone a home that needs one.

 So we waited it out. There's so many times along the way we kept thinking, are we crazy? What's the impact on our boys going to be?

And we didn't know anyone in our circle that had adopted or that was adopted.

And obviously the

in laws and my own mom,

You could tell, you know, they weren't quite sure how they would react to a grandchild that was adopted because they're amazing grandparents.

to my biological sons, but

Krissy: how 

Poppy: would they react 

to 

a child that was adopted being a grandchild?

So it's very complex.

But to cut a long story short, and you already know the spoiler,

we were approved. And when that happens in England, I don't know if it's the same over there, but you get added to something called the National Adopters list. 

And then

there's a really awful website called Linkmaker.

Krissy: Again, I 

Poppy: I don't know 

Krissy: it's 

Poppy: it's international,

but it, 

it's nicknamed amongst people here as 

Krissy: Tinder, Kinder, 

Poppy: like [00:22:00] Tinder,

Krissy: but for 

Poppy: but for kids, 

Krissy: Oh 

Poppy: because it's just

Krissy: it's just 

Poppy: Tinder. It's the worst thing. It's the most

I, I just cried the first time we logged on. So once you're approved, you get a very secure 

Krissy: code. 

Poppy: No one can view it if they're not, you know ready to be an adopter.

Your, your social worker has to help you log on, etc.

Krissy: and 

Poppy: and have you seen that film, um,

Krissy: Instant 

Poppy: Family? 

I think it's called Instant Family.

Krissy: it yet, but I know,

yeah, I know what you're 

talking about. 

Poppy: You must watch it with Mark Wahlberg. So, 

in it, they decide to adopt because they can't have children.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: In that movie, if you watch Instant Family, he logs on to the same website, I guess it's a similar website.

And you just see these photos of children and little bios, very much like a dating site. It's very, very strange, and you're pretty much just swiping, swiping. And that was very strange for us because

we had our own children and trying to think, oh my gosh, like imagine these children that are,

Krissy: you 

Poppy: you know, and you can tell they kind of, they've been all brushed up for the photo.

And 

Krissy: some [00:23:00] people 

Poppy: people have really gone to town with like little 

suits for the boys and little dresses for the girls and

trying to describe them in the, in the bio, you know, she loves playing with her dolls and you're trying to, is this the right fit?

It was really hard to find very young children or babies.

Krissy: But 

Poppy: we knew that to manage our boys expectations, we wanted a child as young as possible to try and fit their idea of a

new baby sibling.

Krissy: But we 

Poppy: we couldn't find any children that were quite the right match. And what else is hard is it's very competitive. So

you might register interest for one child that

Krissy: you 

Poppy: think you could offer a good family for, but there might be five other families.

Also applying, expressing interest in that child and you obviously can't see who else is applying

and then the social workers will have to meet. It's very complicated And

we were almost thinking, will we ever find the right child because you can't rush into it. This was taking months. And then our social worker 

Krissy: said,

Poppy: Okay, Don't tell any other families that, [00:24:00] 

Krissy: you 

Poppy: make like an adopter's network, they're like, don't tell anyone else, but we've got a baby

Krissy: this 

Poppy: going through court.

She's six months old.

Krissy: The 

Poppy: the judge hasn't done the paperwork yet, so we can't even tell you her name.

So 

all we can tell you is she's called baby L.

So we didn't even know her name. And, and pretty much with that information and not even a 

photo,

Krissy: something in 

Poppy: in my gut just thought,

This is my daughter

Krissy: and I 

Poppy: I didn't even know her name and so with all the other children, you're thinking,

you know, what would their full name be?

So like you said, Oh, this would be Harry Gibson, 

or Jemima Gibson and you're trying all the names out. 

Krissy: This one 

Poppy: one we just used baby L.

So we didn't even know, but I, I just felt this feeling. And, and we said, 

Krissy: said, 

look, 

Poppy: look, you'll have to be quick. She's only six months old. There'll be a lot of families wanting such a young baby.

And I just said we have to fight for her. I just feel like this is her. And

Krissy: well, 

Poppy: again, to cut a long

Krissy: story 

Poppy: short

Krissy: we 

Poppy: had, we had to be interviewed by the baby social worker,

 COVID hit at this point.

So it all [00:25:00] took 

longer and longer and longer, but

a week before she turned one.

Krissy: She 

Poppy: came home,

Krissy: so 

Poppy: we managed to have her home for her first birthday, so I never missed the birthday, which I was, like, we were just pushing everything.

The foster carer had to come and live in our house

Krissy: To 

Poppy: to bring her home, like, we had to do everything. I was like, we'll do everything. We were having to COVID test every day,

Krissy: and 

Poppy: and do everything, everything, and we will do whatever we can. 

Krissy: And so, 

Poppy: so, yes,

Krissy: we 

Poppy: she came home just for her first birthday, and 

Krissy: they, the 

Poppy: the three of them now are thick as thieves.

They are the best

Krissy: three. 

Like her

Poppy: Her brothers are so protective.

He, they're just like a mini tribe. Like whenever we go anywhere, they're just the little tribe.

They're incredible. And so it just felt like she was just meant to be my daughter and

Krissy: it 

Poppy: it was worth the wait and it was worth all the assessment and it was worth everything.

 

Poppy: And, and now she's here. So 

Krissy: yeah, 

Poppy: maybe it wasn't conventional, but it just, something just felt like it was the right way for us.

Krissy: Yeah, that's so sweet. And it's so amazing when you're pregnant. I think you have a [00:26:00] little bit more of an intuition. I had a dream one night when I was pregnant with my second one and he had a name

and 

Poppy: Wow. 

Krissy: decide on a name. We truly couldn't like we were in the hospital. He was born and we had two names that we were deciding between and of them was the one from the dream.

And even though it wasn't my favorite name, I, it was his name.

Like I 

couldn't, 

Poppy: Wow.

Krissy: it for, for the whole time. And these kids, I think they just. tell you you're you have these moments of

clarity that you 

know things 

Poppy: Yeah.

Krissy: and and this sounds like It's like one of those

moments 

that 

you just 

Poppy: Yeah. The universe had a plan. Yeah.

Krissy: happen.

What a system that is. I have never, it sounds like you're house hunting in a lot of ways. And it sounds like pet finder.

com. 

Like where 

you're 

Poppy: Yeah, a crazy mix of everything just with all the emotions thrown in. Yeah.

Krissy: Right, I have, one of my best friends [00:27:00] fostered to adopt and that was a journey of sacrifice. I mean, motherhood is anyway, , but to put yourself out there, to take in somebody else, it's, you're right, all of the different pieces, the, your in laws, the grandparents, everybody else, but once that baby's here, there's no

question. 

Poppy: She's just part of the family now. Exactly. Exactly.

Krissy: But 

Poppy: But it definitely has that layer. Like, you know, Mother's Day, do you celebrate Mother's Day over there?

Krissy: yep. 

Poppy: So same thing here. But even that day then,

Krissy: Although 

Poppy: it's wonderful. I'm celebrating my children, but then when you're 

Krissy: an 

Poppy: an adoptive mother or, you know, a fostering parent, then you always think, I wonder what, how they're feeling.

So I wonder how her birth mother's feeling. Like she must be thinking of her today. and

so it does have like, for you, I think for you as an adoptive parent, you have like extra baggage that you do have to kind of lock away some of that 

Krissy: until 

Poppy: maybe she's older and

Krissy: like, 

Poppy: she knows she's adopted. We talk about it.

We have loads of books. 

Krissy: books. We 

Poppy: We use Disney because there's

Krissy: so 

Poppy: many 

Krissy: Disney 

Poppy: stories around [00:28:00] adoption and loss. 

Krissy: But I 

Poppy: I don't think she fully understands. She knows she didn't grow in my tummy, we talk about that a lot. 

, 

the other day,

Krissy: she 

Poppy: she was going, tell me again, she went, where, where did Otto grow? And I said, in my tummy.

And she went, where did Griff grow? I

Krissy: It 

Poppy: in my tummy. And she went, where did, where did I grow? And I said, well, you know, you grew in your birth mother's tummy. And she went,

I wish I 

grew in your tummy.

It 

was just so,

Krissy: just 

Poppy: just said, well, no, I'm glad you grew where you did. Cause that made you who you are.

Krissy: They're 

Poppy: But like part of you does think, yeah, it's a very strange, it's just very strange to come into motherhood through, through adoption, but yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Krissy: for sure, but there's lot of trials that you're going to face, probably her whole life, and navigating that. 

It's, it's 

Poppy: Yeah. 

Krissy: but I know, you know, I'm sure you know you can handle it

and everything. 

Poppy: Well, I hope so. We try our best. 

Krissy: Yeah, you'll do your best. I mean, I, when you get to teenage girls, I don't think there's any winning

anyway. 

So. 

Poppy: and we've seen them. So I'm sure we know. 

Krissy: Right, we sure do. So it [00:29:00] sounds like they just blended together beautifully, all of the siblings. I know for me, I felt like my zero to one transition was the hardest, just becoming a mom.

 I don't know if it's because my first baby was difficult, it was COVID, there was a lot going on but that for me was the hardest transition. So you've had three now really distinct transitions into motherhood. How do they compare for you?

Poppy: I think you're right. I think that first one, and I didn't even have COVID for my first one, but I think the first one

Krissy: is 

Poppy: big. I

think even just

your body, seeing your body change and all of that is so big, isn't it? And I love being pregnant. I don't know. Did you enjoy being pregnant?

Krissy: did,

yeah 

yeah, 

Poppy: it's great, isn't it? 

And everyone's saying you're glowing, you're blooming, and you feel really good, and then 

after the baby's born, you're just like a shell, or I certainly felt like a shell, and remember,

I don't know if it's a thing there, but when you go for that first wee after you've given birth, and they give you a jug 

to pour water down there 

to dilute everything, it's a bit spicy, [00:30:00] and I just remember thinking, oh my goodness, like, 

I will never be the same

again.

Krissy: But 

you 

know, 

Poppy: But you know, you of course you would go through it again and we do we go through it again

But yeah that first one you go from being in charge of just you

to being in charge of the most precious thing in the world and

I think 

Krissy: what 

Poppy: is easy to do is

Krissy: lose 

Poppy: sight of who you are and just become a mom.

Like we always

joke, 

Krissy: we

Poppy: know each other at the school gates is so and so's mom.

and

a lot of us don't even know each other's names.

Krissy: We're 

Poppy: just like, you know, I'm Otto's

Krissy: mom, 

Poppy: Griff's mom. 

And, it's so important that you don't lose your name.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: so I purposely try and learn everyone's name, call them by their name when I'm talking about them.

 Because you do lose sight of that. Once you've had that first baby, your whole perspective shifts as it

Krissy: as it 

Poppy: should, right? You should be now centered on that baby, but it's easy to forget you. And so I think

back to your previous question about lifelong learning.

Krissy: I 

Poppy: think that's always been the thing that's for me. 

So when the [00:31:00] baby was

Krissy: sleeping, I 

Poppy: I could log on my laptop, I could open a book and I

could 

Krissy: Use 

Poppy: my brain in a way that in the day where I was singing nursery rhymes, and you know, when they're just a baby and they can't even

Krissy: talk 

Poppy: back, you know, you're kind of reading those nonverbal

Krissy: signals, 

Poppy: but you're pretty much just talking

out loud by yourself for weeks and months. 

Having the study made me feel like I was still using my brain. So

I've actually studied through all of my babies and even now, because I think that's the one thing where I show

Krissy: I 

Poppy: I am an academic and a teacher and

Krissy: I 

Poppy: can do other stuff just for me.

Krissy: Because in 

Poppy: in the day, everything's about them, right,

mostly. but the 

other 

transitions seem easy. I think once you've shifted your world to be child centered, the others just kind of slot in. 

And then just the added layer is really about managing the 

Krissy: the

Poppy: the preexisting children's

Krissy: emotions and 

Poppy: and expectations. So,

Krissy: you know, 

Poppy: know, when I had my boys and we adopted,

Krissy: my 

Poppy: daughter is [00:32:00] talking to them around what is adoption and making sure 

Krissy: they're in 

Poppy: in on those conversations.

Cause they, they'd never met a social worker, but they had to be interviewed

as part of the assessment process. So they were sitting down with my

Three, three year old and six year old or whatever they were four and seven year old and

asking, how would you feel about adopting?

a little brother or sister?

And they'd never even heard really about adoption and, 

and 

things. And so having a lot of conversations with them, reading a lot of books about

Krissy: children or 

Poppy: or animals that were being adopted or fostered to get them to understand

Krissy: the 

Poppy: the trauma that their sibling would have gone through. 

Krissy: I 

Poppy: I think the hardest thing now in the day to day is

Krissy: I 

Poppy: would honestly say my two boys are angels,

Krissy: But 

Poppy: I've been there like every day of their life. And so I know everything they've 

seen and done and where they've been. I know pretty much everything they've eaten their whole life. 

Krissy: But 

Poppy: with my daughter, because 

Krissy: she 

Poppy: came home like a week 

Krissy: before she 

Poppy: she was one, 

Krissy: there's 

Poppy: so much unknown,

and there's so much trauma, 

Krissy: and 

Poppy: there's so much [00:33:00] frustration that she doesn't quite understand yet.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: my 

my biggest pet hate

Krissy: is 

Poppy: when people say, so she's just turned five, but people say, oh, she's just a normal, you know, if she's really angry, and I'll try saying it was, you know, it's hard to say she's really angry, they go,

Krissy: go, 

Poppy: oh yeah, but you know, she's young. Then I feel like you've just totally missed

Krissy: the 

Poppy: the whole thing around adoption and trauma because 

I have two children.

I know what's normal angry, and I know what is kind of 

Krissy: totally 

Poppy: dysregulated because of

a hidden trauma

that I don't even know what happened

Krissy: Really, you 

Poppy: You know, you can read the court reports all day long, but you'll never fully know

Krissy: what 

Poppy: she saw, 

Krissy: what

Poppy: happened. And so

Krissy: that's 

Poppy: the kind of unanswered questions I have to live with.

So that's kind of been the hardest bit.

The kids themselves, amazing, but sometimes it's how you manage your 

Krissy: feelings that 

Poppy: that can be the hardest bit. 

Krissy: Right, we don't realize how, how formative. that first year is because they do seem like shells, right? It's mind numbing [00:34:00] being around them and thinking and not knowing what to do with this potato that's

with you. 

I'm 

glad it's 

Poppy: It's not just me, I'm glad you agree with me. 

Krissy: Completely. Yes. I mean, I, I, I would just sit there and be like, well, I don't know, like, what do you want to talk about? You don't realize how much your eye contact makes a difference. Or, or just like the warm, you know, Tones that you might use and of course you're never going to be perfect and everybody is going to make Missteps and say things they're not proud of or in tones that they're not proud of that's not trauma, right?

That's that's normal parenting and you repair and there's more good than there is things You're not proud of but the trauma that kids go through is these young ages really does make an impact on

their brain 

development. 

Poppy: Yeah, 

Krissy: that

quite so 

much 

Poppy: you're so right, Krissy. And one question I always ask my students, so I teach

Krissy: a 

Poppy: a lot about children's development at university.

And one thing I normally ask them in [00:35:00] the first lecture 

is,

around like, 

Krissy: when do 

Poppy: do you think children's 

Krissy: Development could 

Poppy: can be most affected. And a lot of them say,

 Oh, you know, when they're like four or when they start school,

Krissy: and 

Poppy: then there's 

Krissy: always 

Poppy: someone who goes, I know, I think it's as soon as they're born.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: then you're like, okay, but what about the nine months before they're born? And then for a lot of them, they don't even quig, 

Krissy: a lot 

Poppy: but a lot of that trauma can come even when they're pre born.

Krissy: right. 

Poppy: From the things that they're hearing outside the womb. You know, we play music, some of us when we're pregnant, we think if we play Mozart, our child can hear it,

Krissy: But 

Poppy: what if that child's been hearing, you know, arguments and domestic violence, and.

Krissy: there 

Poppy: can be that trauma there already.

And the things that the mother might be ingesting and taking in the diet

and that the levels of cortisol that pass through the placenta. So it's

Krissy: So 

Poppy: really important that

Krissy: we 

Poppy: also remember even before a baby is born,

their bodies can be subject to trauma.

And then, of course, we don't have it so much here in the UK, but I know [00:36:00] in America,

many babies are adopted at birth, right, as soon as they're born.

And so even then,

when they've heard a mother's voice for approximately nine months, and as soon as they're born and given to someone else who loves them as much as they could love anyone,

Krissy: but 

Poppy: it's a stranger's voice,

Krissy: The 

Poppy: baby's never heard that voice, so even then we might think

that baby's been born into this loving, adoptive home, but 

it's now around strange voices it's never heard, So 

Krissy: even 

Poppy: things like that, a lot of people

say things like, Oh, 

you're lucky she was so

Krissy: so 

Poppy: young, you know, she was only just turning one,

and I think you really haven't understood

trauma at all.

Krissy: Right. Right. And, I mean, truly, yes, she is lucky that it happened at that time in her life and there wasn't more that was able to develop, but there's still a lot to unpack and work

with through her 

life. 

Poppy: Yeah, exactly. 

Krissy: And I don't want anyone listening to this to take away, worrying, oh man, what did I, I was so stressed when I was pregnant. If you're listening to [00:37:00] this podcast, I'm not Chances are your child is going to be just fine. You are not, you are not giving your child trauma. You, if you had fights with your husband while you were pregnant, if, if you weren't eating the right foods, your kid's gonna be great and you're a great mom. It's not just about formative events too. It's about your mental health and well being as well moving forward and, and taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself because We are not perfect. I yell at my kids way more than I think I should. but it, but I repair with them

because I 

am 

Poppy: amazing,

Krissy: but only 

Poppy: only human.

Krissy: right? I'm only human, but I also am a rational adult who doesn't have these, these risk factors for my kids. So I'm going to be able to afterwards when I calm down, talk to them and whatnot. Whereas. not what kids who are experiencing trauma are experiencing. They're not experiencing those repairs afterwards or that loving piece. So I think that's important to bring in too. [00:38:00] Now, how do you take care of yourself? You have, know that learning is probably really therapeutic for you and it sounds like talking to your students brings you a lot of joy as

well. Is there 

anything else 

Poppy: Yeah. 

Krissy: in your life to round out

your life? 

Poppy: Yeah, I mean,

so much. I think a big thing for me also, because I'm lucky my husband's put up with me this long,

Krissy: one thing 

Poppy: thing we always do every month is have a date day. So this is a really good thing for me as well. We always book a day.

Normally when the children are at school, because 

Krissy: I 

Poppy: don't like leaving my children with babysitters personally, so we try and book a date day when the children are at school.

It gives us like a good six hours, like nine till three.

Krissy: Like we'll 

Poppy: we'll drop them at the gate, zoom off somewhere,

and then make sure we're back for the school pickup.

We've actually just come when we've got our anniversary coming up, so we've just booked a spa day.

So yeah, we'll be waiting outside the school for it to open, drop them in, and then while they're having fun learning, we're going to spend six hours in a spa, we've got some treatment, so.

For me, that's always really nice. Always having something on the [00:39:00] horizon,

With my husband that I can look forward to, because I think as well

Krissy: in the 

Poppy: the day to day, you know, we don't always have time to like put on our favorite dress or get dressed up or

eat out, you know, we come

into these routines of cooking And

cleaning and 

so I think making a special day together.

Krissy: is 

Poppy: something we do.

Yeah, we haven't done it in August because it's been summer holidays. So we've just been doing fun things with the kids. But once they're back at school, we have a date day every month

that I would really advise.

And then for me, it's definitely just the outdoors.

Like even this morning, I just,

I was feeling like quite tired and lethargic because it's been a really busy week. I've been looking after the

Krissy: kids, 

Poppy: but also working from home every day. So it's been really intense.

So this morning , my husband was home with the kids. I just took the dog out for an hour.

We did 

5k around the wildlife reserve near my house and it was just me and the dog

Krissy: I 

Poppy: I track it on 

Krissy: a 

Poppy: a tracking app so I can see how far i've gone 

Krissy: And it 

Poppy: it just felt so good And [00:40:00] 

You would think after doing 5k you would feel more tired, but I actually just felt super refreshed and I just came back like ready to dive in to more family fun.

So

Krissy: For 

Poppy: for me having time away from the kids, meaningful time outdoors is probably the best way.

 But not always without the kids, even taking the kids outdoors I find I love because

Krissy: Children just 

Poppy: just love being outdoors, don't 

Krissy: they? 

And 

Poppy: And when they have the

freedom, you know, to know where they can go, like, on the beach, or say, you can go between, like, that wall and that wall, and then they just can play without, you know, boundaries and without you needing to be the one leading the task.

I just love, I find that really mindful, just watching them play.

Krissy: Like, 

Poppy: from more like a kind of audience role rather than being the facilitator. So anything like that, like, always makes me feel good. Yeah,

Krissy: ahead of me a few years because that is not the season I'm in right now, and, and I get sad about it a lot because I'm, I'm an older mom and I just, I think it gives you a different perspective on the passing of time. [00:41:00] And you know that things are going to move so quick because you've had friends who've had kids who are now going to high school or graduating high school and just yesterday they were babies. So you, you've already been through that kind of second hand and so I get sad, probably more than I should, about how my babies are going to get older and I'm not going to have the Legos on the floor anymore or what not.

But it's really helpful for me to hear these kinds of stories and have these. happy images of watching my kids explore and play and become these people in this different way rather than preventing them from drowning in the ocean. They might just play and explore the seashell. Like, that's a nice vision

to have. 

Yeah, 

Poppy: because you, you'll have

Krissy: given 

Poppy: them, you know, those really strong foundations of how to behave and how to be safe.

Krissy: You would 

Poppy: would just reap the rewards, you know, because

Krissy: I, 

Poppy: I understand 

Krissy: what you're 

Poppy: you're saying. I, I always every time say, I wish I could say this age. I wish I could say this age. And then next year I'll say, I wish I could [00:42:00] say this age.

And I was really

Krissy: worried 

Poppy: because my oldest turned 13 this year. And I was thinking, how am I going to have a teenager in the house? And

you know, if you watch movies, the ages are awful.

 I know he's only just turned 13, so I know we have more to come, but 

Krissy: it's 

Poppy: actually my favorite age of him. 

Krissy: And 

Poppy: although it's. 

Krissy: You 

Poppy: do get really nostalgic, don't you, when you think about when they were born and when they were tiny.

Krissy: But 

Poppy: But I actually think every year they get older, I love them even more because they become more themselves. They have more opinions and 

Krissy: they 

Poppy: develop more little ways. And 

Krissy: seeing 

Poppy: him now at 13, you know, he starts to think what he'd like to do in the future.

Krissy: He's 

Poppy: he started drawing. He's like amazing at drawing. And 

he's just, everything he creates now, he's like more in control to create rather than me kind of co creating. yeah.

Krissy: Yeah.

Poppy: Just wait, 

Krissy: you 

Poppy: you are 

Krissy: gonna

gonna 

Poppy: love it.

Like, I know we don't want to wish time away, but 

the older they get,

the more amazing they are.

You're in for a treat. Trust me.

I 

Krissy: love [00:43:00] those kinds of just waits. Those are the best of, of knowing what's, what's to come. So while I'm in this stage, I rely heavily on activities and things that I can prepare for my kids that can help us to not just be leaping off the countertop and have something more productive to do. So would you please share with me your favorite go to activity to do with your kids?

Poppy: Well,

Krissy: can I 

Poppy: I first say that I love all your content and I love your activities

and you are definitely super mom because I do definitely not get around to doing all of that amazing stuff that you do. 

Krissy: That's 

Poppy: But firstly, kudos to you. I hope you appreciate what an amazing mom you are. 

Krissy: Thank you.

It's part of it's out of necessity because my children are danger boys, and will, if I don't keep them busy, they will just be in the hospital

because they just 

will 

leap 

Poppy: Actually, 

Krissy: so. 

Poppy: I was laughing. I 

saw your story that you posted recently around your little balcony area where the boys love to go. That didn't make me laugh.

That definitely resonated [00:44:00] with my daughter. She would be out on that balcony.

My favorite thing, I mean, I love doing anything with them. Like I love the tough tray and just putting anything on there.

So I've had a lot of like zoom meetings over the summer

Krissy: and 

Poppy: what I'll do like before I've got an hour zoom meeting.

Krissy: Is 

Poppy: I'll just throw something on the tough tray. So really good one 

Krissy: was 

Poppy: was we got a bag of ice from

the 

supermarket and I literally just put the whole thing onto the tough tray.

Krissy: I 

Poppy: But I think it was about 1.

50, 

Krissy: probably

Poppy: about 3 for this massive bag of ice cubes.

Krissy: Put 

Poppy: it on the tough tray, put some cups of warm water, cold water, some

spoons. 

, so the whole activity costs 

Krissy: like 

Poppy: just a few dollars.

And that kept me busy for the whole Zoom. Even my 13 year old came, there was some bits of tin foil, so they were like wrapping up some of the ice cream.

So something like on a tough case, shaving foam, anything like that I love, 

 

Poppy: My favorite kind of, that is the least mess for me and the least prep 

Krissy: is 

Poppy: every time we go to the supermarket, I will say to my kids, just pick out a 

Krissy: cupcake.

Poppy: cupcake mix.

So

again, super cheap, probably costs [00:45:00] about two pounds. And I know all we need is like an egg 

Krissy: and 

Poppy: maybe a cup of milk or something super simple.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: I just 

Krissy: will 

Poppy: go home and I just say, right, you three make it on your own.

Krissy: own. 

Poppy: And they'll get out the scales to weigh the butter or the milk, whatever they need.

And they'll just make it themselves. They don't look great. They normally taste okay. 

I normally say, you three enjoy them, and if there's a spare one, we save that for Dad.

 But it just keeps, it keeps them busy and it

Krissy: gives them 

Poppy: them agency.

 And they're creating something they can admire at the end. We always take a photo and, you know, I'm the person that annoyingly spams stuff in the

Krissy: family 

Poppy: WhatsApp. Like, awful things my kids made, 

But I love things like that where they just feel like they have 

Krissy: Carried 

Poppy: out something from start to finish and then they get to eat for it

Krissy: something 

Poppy: like that for me. 

 And my top tip would be for this, 

please don't feel everything you do has to be instagrammable because 

I do see on Instagram sometimes people thinking you have to make everything from scratch.

You [00:46:00] know, here's my organic soy muffins or whatever, 

Krissy: and 

Poppy: nothing against those people, but I think when you're really busy, you don't have time

Krissy: You 

Poppy: you shouldn't feel pressured that everything does have to be perfect like that.

My kids love picking a brightly

colored 

Krissy: cupcake

Poppy: mix. 

Krissy: it's 

Poppy: normally someone off the TV, like a cartoon character, and it comes with little

Krissy: rice 

Poppy: papers of their favorite cartoon characters stick on top.

They probably love that more than if I did make the organic soy muffins. So, don't be afraid to go for what seems the easy option,

because sometimes, for kids, from a kid's perspective, that's actually the most fun. So just try and put yourself in their shoes and think, 

Krissy: Is 

Poppy: Is it messy? Can they eat it?

Krissy: If 

Poppy: the answer to one of those or both of those is yes, then it's, it's probably a green light.

Yeah.

Krissy: That's such an important message and I, I want to put that forward for play and activities too because I see a lot of play moms and activity moms and that for a lot of people is their creative outlet and their joy is creating these elaborate play schemes that look [00:47:00] beautiful and look amazing that's, that's Extra, right?

And it's wonderful that they choose to do that because it's bringing them joy. But if What you can do is get a bag of ice and put it on a tray. Your kids are going to be very enriched and they're going to have the time of their lives. Like I'm going to do that this weekend. That sounds amazing. , just putting 

out, 

Poppy: Sweet 

Krissy: a few weeks ago and I had an iced coffee and I was running around with the older one and I look and my younger one had taking all the ice out and was like playing with it and doing that and I was like this is this is the best like this is a two for one.

I got an iced coffee and now he's playing with the ice and it's

fantastic 

and 

Poppy: Yeah. 

Krissy: you 

Poppy: I love that.

Krissy: it this big elaborate thing like you

said 

just keep it 

Poppy: Yeah.

Krissy: and the kids will be entertained and it

will

be 

fun 

Poppy: Keep it simple.

And I think you are right, and I know you're, you're in much bigger like kind of mothering communities than me, but I do [00:48:00] already see sometimes.

Krissy: especially 

Poppy: teachers as well when they're posting like their classroom display and I think 

Krissy: is 

Poppy: that something that looks good 

Krissy: for 

Poppy: for Instagram or is that something your children are actually going to engage with?

And I think it's the same at home.

Krissy: Like, 

Poppy: does it just look good for Instagram? Because actually the ugliest messy things, like a bag of ice on a black tray,

Krissy: did 

Poppy: not look good aesthetically. 

Krissy: And 

Poppy: and my, my oldest son always jokes, Oh, I bet you won't put this on your Instagram. You know, if they just like,

Krissy: Play 

Poppy: with some soil, like in the mud kitchen.

He'll go, I bet you won't put 

Krissy: this on 

Poppy: on your Instagram. But actually,

Krissy: then I 

Poppy: I actually get over myself and think, I will, because I want to normalize.

Krissy: Play 

Poppy: can be ugly. It can be messy. It doesn't have to all be pastel. , and 

 

Poppy: Speaking of what you said, I actually saw someone got quite, they got quite trolled actually, quite heckled because

you know, a lot of children's toys are really brightly colored, aren't they?

Like often like

obnoxiously

Krissy: obnoxiously 

Poppy: colored 

Krissy: red, 

Poppy: green, yellow, and someone had bought I think a Facebook marketplace like a

Other marketplaces are available. They'd bought like a play kitchen, [00:49:00] like a secondhand plastic kitchen. 

Krissy: And I 

Poppy: I think it was like red, yellow, green, all the doors were bright primary colors.

and they said, watch me transform this secondhand kitchen

Krissy: for 

Poppy: for my daughter. And they sprayed the whole thing like beige and put on just some little silver stars.

And 

whereas I guess it'd come from a place of love

Krissy: from 

Poppy: that parent that wanted to make something that looked great,

a lot of people were saying, but actually, is that as appealing to your child

Krissy: as 

Poppy: something that was just wild and crazy?

Krissy: So I 

Poppy: I think,

Krissy: Although we 

Poppy: we want things to look good, you you know, even I go to the park, I feel like, why does everyone else's child look

amazing? They 

all match in, like, pastel clothes. And mine, 

Krissy: like, 

Poppy: one of

mine's probably in, like, a superhero costume, with, like, odd socks. But do you know what? If they're happy and they're having fun, my children love dressing themselves.

My five year old loves picking what she's gonna wear.

And 

yes, she might be in, like, a tutu skirt with a Spider Man t shirt, 

but 

she's happy. And so I think, you know, Again, it comes back to just giving them agency and choice in what they want to [00:50:00] play with and what they want to wear and not feeling

it it all has to match because it really doesn't.

I

Krissy: that you're feeling self conscious about, it's probably because that's that parent's outlet. That parent's getting the joy from from that they feel the pride in putting on the outfits rather than maybe something else that you are feeling your pride and

joy coming 

from.

So, I 

Poppy: mean, they're probably just better adults than me. I wish, I wish I was that old tonight.

Krissy: just better people and better parents.

But, 

yeah,

Poppy: Yeah, I'm actually just also jealous

Krissy: that 

Poppy: that their kids always look great.

Krissy: Right. I'm jealous that their kid's not

running away. 

So there 

Poppy: Yeah.

Krissy: just at a different

spot.

I'm 

Poppy: relate. We relate.

Krissy: There we go. This has been a joy. Um, see, we've got like 10 minutes. Can we touch on a question real

quick? 

Poppy: Yeah, let's do it.

Krissy: Okay. So this is from one of our listeners. This is our first listener

question. 

It's my three and a [00:51:00] half year old has been having loud screaming fits in public and in the car.

It's happening less frequently than it was, but when it does happen, it's awful and so loud. I feel like a lot of it is attention seeking. So I've been trying to ignore and not react in a big way. How can I effectively stop a screaming and kicking tantrum in public or quickly deescalate a screaming fit in the car while I'm driving?

Poppy: Ooh. firstly, 

Krissy: we 

Poppy: have all been

there. 

Krissy: Yes. 

Poppy: and it's the worst.

Krissy: Yeah. 

Poppy: The first

Krissy: thing I 

Poppy: I would say though, just before we even think about what might work. 

is honestly, although 

Krissy: to 

Poppy: to 

you, it probably seems like the worst thing that's happening when your child is screaming in the store,

Krissy: trust 

Poppy: me, 

some people won't even notice.

Krissy: And I 

Poppy: I remember 

Krissy: taking my 

Poppy: my baby to a restaurant for the first 

Krissy: time, 

Poppy: and they were crying and I felt so self conscious thinking I have to leave the restaurant.

Krissy: restaurant. 

When 

Poppy: When I go to restaurants now and hear babies crying, I just think, oh, I hope

the mom's okay. Like, [00:52:00] and it really, I don't even notice the baby crying.

So I want to also say, although you probably feel like everyone's looking at you, they're not. Everyone's been there. 

My first thing that I would say is, do you have to drive?

Because I've noticed a big switch for me is where possible, if it's, if it's walkable,

Krissy: we 

Poppy: will walk or we will take scooters. 

Krissy: and 

Poppy: that 

Krissy: instantly 

Poppy: eliminates.

Cause my daughter hates getting in the car and hates getting strapped in because she's definitely a free runner,

Krissy: but 

Poppy: instead, even if it's like a mile or two miles. 

If the weather's fine, we will just walk or scoot. And now it's

taken that journey from being a nightmare, trying to get her in the car, get shoes on.

If I say we're going on

Krissy: scooters, 

Poppy: but that sometimes 

Krissy: changes your 

Poppy: your child's mindset to think, oh, we're going on an adventure, even though we're probably still going to the same supermarket.

Krissy: to 

Poppy: to buy the cupcake mix that we were going to get in the car.

We've now made it into 

Krissy: a 

Poppy: a fun journey. so

Krissy: that 

Poppy: would get rid of the car tantrums if possible, if it's for short journeys.

Krissy: the 

Poppy: other one, and I don't know [00:53:00] whether you ever tried this, but actually it's just to ignore them. 

 

Poppy: We'll sit with them, just be next to them. So they know that you're present. And I know you've read a lot around kind of therapeutic parenting. So you'll know it's just about being present.

But we know 

Krissy: that,

Poppy: you know, when, when we're upset or angry, if someone goes calm down or cheer up, it does not help.

So you saying that your child is not going to help when they're totally dysregulated,

but if you're just there and present

Krissy: give them 

Poppy: space to, you

Krissy: know, 

Poppy: express how they're feeling,

Krissy: then they'll 

Poppy: they'll be ready.

What you can also do is maybe remind them where we're going next. So, 

you know, when you're ready, then we can go 

Krissy: to 

Poppy: to the playground or whatever.

So they know there's something good to look forward to. There's a reason for them to calm down 

Krissy: But 

Poppy: sometimes just sitting and not saying anything

Krissy: because you 

Poppy: you know, they're doing it for a reaction

Krissy: as your 

Poppy: as your listener says,

 They probably are doing it 

Krissy: for 

Poppy: attention because they feel like a need needs to be met.

But if you're just there and present, you're already meeting that need,

Krissy: They 

Poppy: know that you're there

and just wait it out. And just remember while you're waiting

Krissy: [00:54:00] that 

Poppy: no one really minds.

Krissy: Yeah. I love that piece, I think that's so important, and I would have never made that connection on my own. many people probably just aren't even aware? They're either on their headphones, or they're thinking about their own day, and maybe they're like, oh, there's a baby, or a kid, and they've moved on to whatever their whole life problem

is, 

or 

Poppy: Exactly.

Krissy: and so they're not, you are, of course it's the center of your brain, and it's all you can think about, but that's not everybody else's experience, so that's huge.

 I will say my favorite thing is snacks. Thanks.

Constantly, right? 

Poppy: Yes. Always.

Krissy: And, I know that for the car piece of it, we don't, I know this person, we don't live in a walkable area. You, they need the car, but I, I keep those teething crackers, the rice crackers that you can't choke on and don't make a huge mess.

And they're just super

vacuumable 

Poppy: Amazing. 

Krissy: I, I get them at Target and there's three different colors that they sell, but I'm sure you can get them anywhere and different flavors or whatnot. [00:55:00] And I, I have the routine. First, they get the blue one

and I 

pass the blue 

Poppy: Love it.

Krissy: eat it and then they get the pink one and then they get the yellow one depending on the length of

the car 

ride. 

Poppy: I love that.

Krissy: my go to is like a non chokeable snack and then in public, yeah, I just, I bring my snack bag everywhere and I just feed them when they're, when they're having an

issue. 

So I, 

Poppy: That's such a good tip. 

Krissy: think food is 

Poppy: Always snacks. And then also remembering a snack for you. I hope there's also something in your bag for you to snack on, right? Unless you eat the rice crackers.

Krissy: like them, but they will do in the moment. But yes, having a snack for you is something I need to improve on. I need

to just add 

that to my 

Thank you so much for this. This has been such a joy. Please tell everybody about your book and where they can find more of your content because you have so many good things

to share with the 

world. 

Poppy: Oh, thank you.

Krissy: Well, 

Poppy: Well, yeah, the book, um, my latest book is going to be coming out in a few months and it goes back to what we were saying earlier around [00:56:00] just including children because this book's called All the Things They Never Told You About Teaching.

Krissy: It's 

Poppy: coming out with my amazing co author,

Krissy: Marie 

Poppy: Greenholsch.

Um, and we've kind of just spoken around 24 topics that we sometimes don't want to talk about with children, things like death,

Krissy: Things 

Poppy: around like poverty, climate issues, 

Krissy: that we 

Poppy: we don't always know how to talk to children, young people about them, 

but it's important that we do because they will learn about them as they grow. 

Krissy: , so 

Poppy: so I'll be coming out soon with Routledge,

Krissy: so you'll be 

Poppy: so you'll be able to buy it online, wherever you buy your books. But the real takeaway for anyone is just

don't 

do your children a disservice by kind of just 

treating them, you know, as children. They are children,

but 

sometimes they understand more than you know.

Krissy: so, 

you

Poppy: know, 

Krissy: buy a 

Poppy: a plant

Krissy: when it 

Poppy: it dies. 

Krissy: Talk to 

Poppy: talk to them about death. Don't just put the plant in the bin. Like have that conversation first. So start building your children ready for adulthood because.

Krissy: want 

Poppy: All we want is to make them ready to be adults, right? To be good adults in society. So just [00:57:00] remember that the best way they can learn is from you.

So the things you role model, the things you talk to them about,

Krissy: and 

Poppy: and that's really the essence

Krissy: of the 

Poppy: the book. And also what I try

Krissy: do for 

Poppy: to do for my trainee teachers that, that I work with at university

is just

treat children as just young adults.

Krissy: And 

Poppy: just remember that everything you say and do, you know, to them matters.

And what I loved, 

Krissy: one thing 

Poppy: thing I'm going to take away from what you said today is just the importance of that repairing, isn't it?

Krissy: We 

Poppy: all shout sometimes, we all do the wrong thing sometimes. 

What matters is a conversation afterwards. And if we were always happy all the time, 

Krissy: that 

Poppy: actually would be doing

our children a disservice. 

I don't think my children saw me cry.

Krissy: Until a 

Poppy: a few years ago,

Krissy: I 

Poppy: I got really upset and I was just crying my head off in the kitchen.

Krissy: I 

Poppy: thought, wow, I don't think i've ever seen me cry like that. And and I felt at the start I felt bad and then I realized wait a minute. I need them to see

That we have a whole range of emotions just like they do and afterwards I just sat with them and I explained why I was sad. [00:58:00] 

Krissy: I explained how I 

Poppy: how I was going to make myself feel better.

and 

I 

explained that, you know, you get sad. And even when you're an adult, you will, you will be sad sometimes. And here's how you can feel better.

Krissy: So, 

Poppy: yeah, just remember,

even 

when you yell, even when you cry,

you, 

what matters is the conversation you have afterwards, right? 

Krissy: So important. Yes. Definitely. Those are some fantastic takeaways, and that book sounds amazing. Incredible. Especially as we are in some kind of scary times, so

Poppy: definitely. 

But there's always joys to be found so yeah, like this was a real joy and if anyone wants to find me Yep, you'll find me on Twitter, 

Krissy: which we're 

Poppy: we're definitely still calling it twitter here in england

, you'll find me poppy gibson uk

Krissy: or 

on instagram. I 

Poppy: I guess i'll be tagged in this So

Krissy: where 

Poppy: you'll find me dr.

Poppy gibson and on linkedin.

Krissy: Yeah, 

Poppy: please 

Krissy: do feel 

Poppy: Do feel free to get in touch. If you've got kind of any little questions you just want to ask as well, feel free to to get in touch with me, but just thank you so much for having me on. I love your content. I can't wait for all the future episodes of this as well, but I'm very [00:59:00] pleased to be your first guest from England.

Krissy: first 

Poppy: for the opportunity.

Krissy: England. I absolutely, so much. If you would like to share your story, please reach out to me. You can email me at BoldLittleMinds at gmail. com or you can send me a DM on Instagram.

You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest, Facebook at Bold Little Minds. I'm most active on Instagram with my stories and whatnot. So that's where to find me most of the time. You can stream this. on any platform, on YouTube, Spotify, Apple. Make sure you leave a rating, a review. It doesn't have to be a long rating, just something like, I liked it.

Would be great to help us reach other moms and make sure you subscribe and share with your friends. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode and I look forward to seeing you next time.

 

Mom Identity Project https://momidentityproject.com
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