Have Medical Complications Made You Think You're a Bad Mom? (E22)

Mom's Guide to Finding Herself
Written By Mom Identity Project

Ever feel like you're supposed to be an amazing mom, but the realities of motherhood keep knocking you off your feet? You're not alone. In this episode of the "Mom's Guide to Finding Herself" podcast, we talk with Reesa Morala, a therapist and mom who, despite always knowing she wanted to be a mother, felt like a complete failure after a series of medical complications with her children. This episode is for any mom who has wrestled with feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.

The Myth of the "Natural" Mom (Spoiler Alert: It's a Lie):

So many women grow up with this idea that motherhood will just happen naturally. Maybe you were the go-to babysitter, the nurturing friend, or the one everyone turned to for kid advice. But the reality of motherhood often clashes hard with these expectations. It's not always instinctual, and it's definitely not always easy. This disconnect can lead to devastating feelings of disappointment and shame. You might find yourself feeling constantly rattled, overwhelmed, and like you're failing.

Adding Medical Complications: The Ultimate Challenge:

Now, imagine layering medical complications on top of the already challenging reality of motherhood. Sleepless nights spent wondering if you're doing enough, constant fear of making a mistake, and having to make decisions you don't feel equipped to handle... it's enough to make anyone feel like they're failing. Reesa's story is a powerful example of this. She faced numerous challenges with her first child, including his inability to eat properly, which took a huge toll on her mental health. Her experience shines a light on the immense pressure moms face when even the most basic aspects of care become a struggle.

Reesa's Journey: From Musical Theater to Motherhood (and Beyond):

Before becoming a mom and a therapist, Reesa's passion was musical theater. However, a medical diagnosis in college forced her to re-evaluate her path. This led her to therapy, which became a catalyst for significant life changes. She met her partner, had children, and began her journey as a mother. Reesa always felt a pull toward motherhood, having taken on a mothering role with her younger siblings. People often told her she'd be a great mom. But her early motherhood experience was far from what she expected.

Finding Your Voice: The Power of Advocacy:

Reesa's first child had significant feeding issues that were initially dismissed by doctors. She had to learn to advocate fiercely for her child and trust her instincts, even when medical professionals didn't take her concerns seriously. This experience taught her the crucial importance of finding her voice and standing up for what she knew was right. She eventually discovered that her son would only eat while sleeping, requiring her to do "weight feeds" to ensure he was getting enough nutrition. This incredibly challenging time was exhausting and stressful, and Reesa describes it as a period where her mental health suffered greatly.

A Different Journey, Same Strength:

Reesa's second child had a milk allergy, which also presented feeding challenges. While a different issue than she faced with her first child, she was able to navigate it more quickly. By this time, she had learned how to be a strong, informed advocate for her children.

Key Takeaways (Remember These!):

  • The idea that motherhood comes "naturally" is a harmful myth. Many women struggle, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed or inadequate.

  • Medical complications can significantly intensify the challenges of motherhood and contribute to feelings of failure.

  • Finding your voice and advocating for your children is crucial, even when facing opposition.

  • Your identity as a mom doesn't have to be perfect. You can embrace your true self and find joy in your life while parenting.

  • You are not alone. Many moms struggle with these feelings, and talking about it is essential.

What's Next? (Don't Miss It!)

In the next episode, Reesa shares her secrets to improving your parenting through realistic self-care. You won't want to miss it!

CONNECT WITH REESA

LINKS | WEBSITE

Keywords: Motherhood Journey, Mom Identity, Mom Support, Parenting Tips, Balancing Motherhood, Failure, Medical Complications, Self Care for Moms, Advocate, Mental Health, Identity Loss, Postpartum Challenges, NICU, Feeding Issues, Mom Guilt, Motherhood Struggles, Parenting a Child with Medical Needs

Help Us Grow

The BoldLittleMinds MomCast is made possible by you - the listener. Your support goes directly into making each episode happen—thank you for being part of the journey!

All donations go directly to supporting the production of the Mom's Guide to Finding Herself podcast

For Your Binging Enjoyment…

22 Audio

===

[00:00:00] Were you one of those people who just knew you were going to be an amazing mom ever since you were little? In this episode, we'll hear from a therapist mom who always knew she was going to be a great mom. And even still, she felt like a failure after a series of medical complications knocked her off her feet.

Did you feel like motherhood would come totally naturally to you? Like it was something you were just made to do? Maybe you were the one with all the little kids at the family gatherings, or the go to babysitter in the neighborhood, or that nurturing friend that everyone turned to.

You just knew you'd be an amazing mom one day. But then the reality of motherhood hits, and it's not always instinctual. It's not always easy, and for some moms, that disconnect can be totally devastating. It's more than just feeling [00:01:00] rattled or overwhelmed. It's grappling with that sense of disappointment and shame because it's not what you expected of yourself.

Now, imagine layering medical complications on top of that, decisions you didn't feel equipped to make, sleepless nights spent wondering if you were doing enough, and the constant fear of making a mistake. It's enough to make anyone feel like they're failing. Today we're going to hear from Reesa Reesa is a mom of two boys ages 10 and 8. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist in California she runs workshops nationwide. Reesa specializes in couples therapy, where she supports parents creating healthy family systems by prioritizing their own relationships.

Who would have thought, huh? She works to help support parents in healing their own mental health and their relationship health. But before she became the expert she is today, Reesa navigated her own journey of feeling lost in motherhood, facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Like [00:02:00] these are things that you, seem like life and death, truly.

And she emerged stronger from them on the other side. So this is a story of hope for sure. Her story is a reminder that even when you feel like you're falling short and failing, you are capable of so much more than you think. So listen in on our conversation.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Thank you for joining us,

Reesa. Yes, thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

This is a really great topic to, to start the new year with and think about our own health and well being as well as our relationships.

So, thank you for the work that you are doing.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes, absolutely. It is such an honor and pleasure to be able to do it. I mean, parents, we, we see it. It's rough and we're out there trying to create these thriving human beings. So just the mere fact that people will let me be the support for them while they are supporting these little ones is, is such an honor.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: that's so great to hear that perspective of it because sometimes working with my therapist, I'm like, what is she thinking right now? But it's great to know that [00:03:00] it's like that, that you at least have that, that perspective

on it.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah, absolutely. I honestly, if I didn't have that, that shift and that, that mindset, it would be really hard. So at least for me, that's what works.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: That's great. Well, before we talk about relationships and mental health and well being, I want to hear more about you and your journey to motherhood. So tell me where, who were you before becoming a mom? What brought you here

today? Yeah, so my journey is, is a little bit of an interesting kind of meander, if you will.

Yeah.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: in the sense that, so I grew up, I'm a first, anywhere between one and second generation Filipino American, depending on who you talk to. I feel like we all have our own, descriptions of, of where that puts us.

But I grew up with now knowing what I know, a really emotionally immature parent life in that sense. And so there was definitely a lot of abuse that kind of was in the home. And so that was a lot of [00:04:00] what I knew, but that was normal for me.

And so, growing up through that, I definitely ended up developing a lot of. coping strategies, if you will, as a means to try to keep myself safe and sane throughout all of that. And so, growing up, I very much found myself really loving to be in the theater. And I think now looking back and again, knowing what I know, I think a lot of it was because that was a great escape for me.

It was a, it was an opportunity for me to not be, who I was and not have all of the stressors that were going on in the home and some of that chaos. And so I definitely found myself in that world so much so that I went to actually get my undergrad degree. My undergrad degree is in musical theater,

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Oh,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: surprisingly enough.

And it was my senior year that I got a medical diagnosis right at the end, right when I was about to graduate that the doctor pretty much looked at me and said, I don't know that your can physically take the demands of. Going [00:05:00] into kind of this musical theater world that you've been wanting to go into and I remember just going What are you talking about?

I just spent the last four years of my life doing this. What do you mean? And so that really forced me to To go back to the drawing board and I had to start from scratch and something that really stood out for me Was that my freshman year I was very fortunate enough. I had a roommate who was who knew about some of the services that we had on campus that I had no idea about.

I was dealing with all of this past kind of trauma and now like in this space of not being in that home environment, but still having those same kind of coping skills that I'm working with, if you will. And so, she looked at me and she said, there's a therapist that's on campus and it's absolutely free to students.

And Ended up going there. She absolutely was a catalyst for some of my life change. And so when I was sitting there going, what's my plan B? That was something that came up for me is that was something I enjoyed. And that really meant a [00:06:00] lot in my life. And so that kind of started me on my journey.

And. you know, led me to that point where I was able to get myself healed enough to be able to be in a relationship, a stable, nice, healthy relationship. And I met my partner who's now my partner of 16 years and ended up having kids and starting a life. And the rest is history, if you will.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: amazing. Wow. What an incredible turn of events this happened. It must've been devastating to learn that, like just the spiral you would go down of like this wasted money, wasted time. What have I

done?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah, I absolutely

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: through therapy for that, to figure out your career shift is so amazing. Do you think that your background with your family life that you grew up in influenced becoming a therapist yourself?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: believe so. Even if you look at the mere fact that I had a therapist that played a role in my life and [00:07:00] wanting to give back. But honestly, that was something that I even enjoyed as much as I enjoyed getting a break from my own life in theater and having that outlet. One of the things I really, really enjoyed is when folks would come up to me after shows and just say, Gosh, I was having a really hard day, and I was able to push pause for just those couple of hours to see this show, and that was so helpful for me.

And so, again, to look back at some of those things and, Saying, what if I could help people, help people that looked a little bit like me and not knowing that these were things that weren't appropriate or that that there was help, there was a possibility of change and how could I do that on a, on a more long lasting scale than just the couple of hours at the theater?

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Wow, I love that story. I love how this shifted and you found all these bread crumbs and you just picked them up and some of these bread crumbs were not necessarily bread crumbs. You got like a whole stale bread to your face, but

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: [00:08:00] ended up here in it and that's really wonderful to hear. So did you always want to become a mom?

You met your husband and you, you had this wonderful relationship. But I know that coming from a tumultuous background, sometimes you don't want anything to do with motherhood.

Oh,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: was something that's always been on my heart for quite some time. I think some of that was because, although I'm the middle child in the broad spectrum of things, my older siblings were much older, so they were out of the house, and my younger siblings were much younger, and so I ended up taking on this kind of parental, especially in that kind of environment.

You know, I took it upon myself. It was my job to kind of protect them. So I had been mothering, in that sense, for quite some time. And so, because I think my heart was just in that protector mode, I found myself gravitating, like, I remember I would even work, In the church and I [00:09:00] would teach Sunday school to little kids.

So I was always kind of in that mothering role you know, in friend groups, I was the mother, if you will, that's just kind of what I've been doing. And so I think it, my heart has always been there. So. It was there and honestly that actually played a really big role at the start of my motherhood journey because I had such a narrative.

In fact, people would tell me all the time, Oh my God, goodness, you'd be such a great mom. But that was definitely a narrative I had to work through especially at the very beginning of my motherhood journey.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Wow, I love it. I mean, I can tell you're definitely very nurturing. I mean, obviously, if you're being, you're so successful in this career path, you kind of have to be a little bit but to, to know that your family and friends all felt it and all these kids, I'm sure the person that all the little kids run up to at the playground and things like

that.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes, not in a creepy way though, right?

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: yes, no, not at all, in a very like, look at this rock I found, hey

you,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: of way. [00:10:00] How did you know it was time for you to start trying? What was that process like for you?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: For me it was you know, I see so many parents that talk about that clock. For me, I had The medical clock, if you will, on my mind with the idea that my, my medical issues had me on a lot of medications that weren't great you know, would be ones that I would have to stop. And my particular diagnosis, it progresses as I age.

And so that was on my mind for sure, that if I'm going to have to stop these medications and be in all sorts of pain, I would rather do that sooner. than when it gets much worse down the line as I age. And so that was really a big catalyst for when we decided to start trying to have children.

And we found out we're really good at having children really quickly in that sense.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: for you because it must have been scary to think about going [00:11:00] into this unknown, unmedicated realm where you knew that you would be in pain and all these other like, wow, what was that like?

It

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: was

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: definitely very scary

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Um, I

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: think

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: though, again, going back to that, that heart that I have. For me, it wasn't about me. It was for this other person. So I was going to sit through all this pain for this other person. Okay, let's go. You know, and again, I think looking back on it when I talk about coping skills, that's definitely one that developed because if we're looking at my, my younger siblings, if it meant I needed to pick a fight so that any attention was going to be drawn to me, let me take that so that I can protect.

And so very much that heart, that idea, that mindset of yes, it was very scary at the same time., these children, I would really love for them to, to be in this world and to thrive. And so if that means some pain for me, okay, let's, let's go.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: I feel that in my

heart too.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: So much of pregnancy and early motherhood for those kinds of decisions, they are short [00:12:00] term decisions. So I can definitely see like into it like this is not going to be forever. This is, you know, whatever, probably a year of thinking about fertility and pregnancy and early motherhood before you really have to be on it now, did you have to stay off of your treatment? Between your whole motherhood journey for early motherhood or were you able to hop in, hop out, and do all those things between

kids?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: So, for me, I would have been able to hop in, hop out in between kids if that's, what I chose to do. My jo bit different and so it e that entire time from whe

By the time I finished with my second child because I have two kids and so that's the way my my particular journey ended up Being and so it was a lot of other Alternative ways to try to manage pain and try to figure that out. That was my best [00:13:00] friend

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: those periods but that ended up being what my journey looked like and like I said because my new motherhood especially for my first kid that was that was such a not necessarily your, your typical journey.

And so that, that did change my ability to kind of hop in and hop out.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah, early motherhood's hard enough

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: mind when you are in pain and dealing with medical issues yourself. So tell me about

what early

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

So my, I was very fortunate, very, very blessed in the sense that my, my pregnancy for my first child was rather uneventful. And. So that was, that was great. My, my events came once he arrived and so about three weeks old, I noticed that his spit up was not in the volumes that were what I felt typical or normal.

They were much more whole, [00:14:00] whole stomach content. And I remember multiple times taking it to the doctor and saying, I think something's wrong here, I think something's wrong. And the doctor pretty much writing me off and saying, You're a brand new mom, you have no idea what you're talking about, and you're just overreacting.

Which, that was very much a narrative I heard quite a bit growing up. And so it was just one more person with this idea of this authority figure telling me. It's just all in my head. And so I quieted that voice and I said, okay, well I just gotta go back home. And meanwhile, I mean when I'm talking large volumes, you know, I found with my second child, I learned that a couple of outfit changes, sure.

Okay. You know, throughout the day

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Wow.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: was to the point we were doing maybe 10 plus outfit changes every single day. That, that was the volumes that we were getting and it wasn't just baby change. It was Any parent that was in, you know, distance of, you know, the , [00:15:00] the projectile. And so, it was about three months old that the doctors finally started listening and they started listen, listening because his, he stopped eating altogether.

He would not eat a bottle, he would not take from breasts. Just completely stopped eating so much so that his weight significantly declined. And all of a sudden the doctors go. Hey, what's what's going on here? Something's something's wrong. And you know, it, I was like, yeah, I've, I've been trying to say this for quite some time.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Hello. Yeah.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: And, you know, I told the doctor he won't eat. And, and I remember very vividly, the doctor said, Oh, you're probably just not doing it right here. Hand me the baby. We'll get a bottle of formula. And I, I quite literally said, if you can get my child to eat, by all means, tell me how I'm doing it wrong, because I just want to do it right.

I just, I just want to do it right, please.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: and so, she took him and she could not get him to eat at all either. And all of a sudden she was like, Oh, [00:16:00] something is going on here. I don't know what this is. And that kind of was the start of our journey of, of pretty much living in some sort of medical facility.

What felt like living because we were either in the ER and urgent cares and doctors offices trying to figure out what was going on. And meanwhile he still was not eating, he would not eat. And it was to the point that they said, Hey, if you can't get him to eat somehow, we're going to have to give him a feeding tube because there's There's no other way.

And and because again, I had this very narrative of everyone, you know, I, I hear like the echo of voices, you'd be such a great mom. And here was the basic need of feeding your child. And I couldn't do it. That was such like that rocked my, my whole mindset. My mental health took a deep, deep dive in those moments.

I'm feeling very much like I can't even do this. I can't feed my child. Gosh, how much more [00:17:00] of a failure could I be? In those moments. And the only way we ended up finding that I found to get food in him is doing what I've since then learned a version, a very, very loose version of dream feeds. And that essentially was For me, and again by trial and error, I would rock him to the point where he was about to fall asleep and where instincts would kick in and I would just shove my breast in there essentially and hand express food while he was sleeping where his automatic system of just swallowing would take over and he would get food and so we had to do I had to do weight feeds where I would weigh him before it would take over.

Stick them on and try to express as much as I possibly could, hoping that it was enough and try to weigh him. Meanwhile, he's sleeping this entire time. So the latch was awful. And so, you know, talk about, you know, the, the lumps that I was getting, the [00:18:00] cracks, the cracked nipples that I was getting, it was, it was such a exhausting and stressful period.

And the whole idea of sleep when baby sleeps, I couldn't do that because baby. would only eat when he would sleep. And so it was, it was a really tough journey and that unfortunately lasted until he was about 18 months. And so that was how motherhood was for me for the first 18 months.

And it was exhausting. It was extremely scary. I remember there would be so many nights where I would just sit rocking him in the chair, praying that he would just keep sleeping a little bit longer so I could feed him. And the song, You Are My Sunshine and, you know, Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away of just like literally being in tears of like, for real, please don't take my sunshine away.

Like I'm trying everything here. Please, please. I hope this works.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Oh my gosh. Okay. So Reesa, I'm doing some math here. You have an 18 month old who's at this point still having these issues. [00:19:00] You. Are in pain

yourself

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: a multiple reasons, right? You're in pain because, I mean, maybe by then you stopped nursing, but you know, throughout this, you're in pain from your medical diagnosis, but also because hand expression and nursing is painful when you're not getting a good lunch and all of those things. You're in pain in all these other ways and 18 months you're pregnant, right?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: So it was right after, as soon as we stopped. So I did breastfeed all the way until 18 months, because again, he still wasn't eating.

And so that was the most reliable way that he was getting nutrition.

And so as soon as it stopped, I was like, Okay, if we're gonna have another win we gotta do it now because if I, if I stop and think for a moment, I'm not gonna go, I'm not gonna go forward.

And so we just need to like

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: this!

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: keep going. And so we did and again we're very good. We are, we are good. Very fortunate, very, very fortunate that we're very good at getting pregnant fast. And so that very quickly, I was pregnant probably within that [00:20:00] next month of stopping breastfeeding. And the journey was very different for my second one.

But yeah, it just kind of was a, let's keep going, let's keep trucking, because there's no time to stop now. Mm hmm.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: kids age difference of 10 and eight and I'm like, this could be anywhere between like them being just over a year apart or closer to three years apart. Like who knows where this is. So I'm thinking, how do you get pregnant in the middle of this and not just want to like, not just have a horrible mental health crisis with thinking about your current baby and your new baby and all of these things, but at least at the very, very least not to minimize Anything that you went through, you, you had a light at the end, it sounds like, with your son's troubles when you got pregnant.

So you didn't have so much

on your mind.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah, absolutely. And honestly, that was something that my, my husband and I had decided to give ourselves some, some sort of light, not, not the second child [00:21:00] necessarily, but we created a goal for ourself because at that point, because his, his eating depended on being able to sleep well. And when he was awake, he was usually, you know, vomiting all sorts of things.

You know, stomach contents. We were pretty isolated, self isolated, because it was scary to go outside. And and so for us, because our mental health was taking a toll, our relationship was taking a toll, we kind of sat down one day and said, we, we need something to look forward to. And so we actually had scheduled a trip for ourselves Okay.

It was a year out. We didn't even know if we were gonna make it there, but we just said we need we need something to look forward to. And so our trip was actually scheduled for September that year, and we got pregnant in August. And so we were already kind of in that, like, we're almost there. We're almost to our goal trip.

And then we got pregnant. I was like, Okay, let's Let's go on this, you know, now it turns into a baby moon kind of deal, but not so much because we had our, our [00:22:00] little one in tow as well. So,

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Oh, you brought

him with you.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: yeah,

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: makes sense. yeah, because I can imagine you wouldn't want to leave him with anybody because what if you were truly at that point still the only food

source?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah. And honestly, that was probably a, a, Just as hard instance in the sense that when my wasn't there when I would go to work, my husband would be there and he couldn't feed him. And so he would pretty much just have a really angry baby on his hands for however long I was gone. Because he wouldn't take a bottle and he couldn't hand express a bottle, if you will, while he was sleeping.

And so it was very difficult. There was a lot of, I think shame. For sure, that was there to leave him with someone else. Also the fear, like you said, that what's gonna happen when I'm gone. And so that was, that was a definite barrier. Absolutely.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Did you work with him having these, these struggles when he was young? Were you able to [00:23:00] find the space to leave him for that?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: I chuckle only because I think in that moment, you know, the space, the space was very much survival. And so, I was. I was in the midst of trying to get my clinical hours for my licensure.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Oh, okay.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: And in my mind, I go, you know, if I stop, that's just going to put me further away from this goal that in my mind I was going to help my family.

I had now gone back to school yet again to be able to accomplish this. So, I don't know that I really gave myself an option to not. work in those moments. I very much had a mindset of this was something I had to do, and so I was just going to, whether I had the space or not,

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: I was gonna do it.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Okay, so wait, you were in school at the same time as all

of this?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah, so I had him right at the very end when I was about to graduate, and so when I was going through the bulk of [00:24:00] it, I was going through my clinical intern hours. Yeah. Yes.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: that's a whole other layer of mental you know, demands and, and deadlines, but wow, to then be doing clinical hours where you are now taking on the mental load of other people as well, because that's emotionally taxing.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: yeah. Especially when you have nothing left to give.

So, whoa, you, you had a journey. Wow. What was the second one like? What was your transition from one to two?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: So he, he was a surprise home birth.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Oh,

wow.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: So a very different journey. My, my second one was two weeks late, didn't want to come out the womb. He said, no, it's nice and safe in here. I'm going to stay. And my second one was About two weeks, maybe a little a little more than two weeks early and said I'm coming out so fast You can't make it to the hospital

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: yep,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: And so [00:25:00] he was he was a whirlwind and then I think that's a really good start to just how he does life to be honest with you

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: yep, oh

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: He he was very different in the sense that he had He had a milk allergy, so he could not take breast milk and we had to go to, to the all the way, you know, broken down amino acids kind of formula, if you will, and so, once we figured that out, which, that was a little bit by that point, I had really exercised my voice of advocating for my children you know, my first one, that was That was probably the biggest lesson he taught me was how to find my voice, how to advocate, even with medical health professionals and people that, again, previously I might have seen as an authority, I shouldn't talk back, I need to make myself small.

No, I learned how to become very big and very loud in that sense. And so, So his, his journey, we were able to get to [00:26:00] his solve much quicker and figure out what formula he needed. And once we figured that out, things, things were clicked a little bit better. And so in that, that instance, I was kind of forced into more of the, the normalcy as normal as , we possibly get, if you will, in the sense that now the stressors were just having a toddler and a newborn.

And so, you know, that.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: take it. Right? At that

point.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Exactly.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: You've handled much worse. And then, yeah, I'm sure there was a grieving process for you going into having another feeding challenge, but at least this one was something that you could have a solution

for.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah, there was absolutely, again, I think I very much battled a similar of, now he's going to formula, what? I can't, you know, my breast isn't doing it. Again, kind of those, what's wrong with me? Narratives that were trying to kind of sneak out and, and challenge my [00:27:00] world. But it was something that we were able to.

Move to and just gosh, the relief for me that he's getting fed in the way that he needs to be fed. And he was, he was able to thrive and he wasn't any less, you know, here I did breast with, with my first one and gosh, look how hard of a journey that was.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Right. Absolutely.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: this is going to help all of us be able to show up in a better mind space then by all means, let's go.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Absolutely, I totally hear that. I mean, feed your kid however you

can,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: like that's exactly what you did. Is, are things easier now? Has, or have this been an ongoing issue for

you?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: So both of them have been on the, you know, lower ends of growth charts. Getting anywhere, getting on the chart is a struggle for my children. However, they are, they're eating. And that's, especially with everything that, that I went through, I will [00:28:00] take that any, any day of the week. So, you're telling me they're not living up to somebody's chart.

Okay. They're eating, they're getting fed, they're eating food autonomously, which at this point, that's what I can ask for. And more often than not, they're actually great eaters by all, you know, by my accounts at least. And they're getting what they need and they're the type they're, they're such good eaters now in the sense that they will self regulate even sugar.

Like they'll be like, no, I had a piece of candy a week ago. I'm good. I'm like, okay.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Okay.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: I'll, I'll take it.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: It sounds like you've done a wonderful job of, of trying to help them be aware of what they need to eat and how, and become, you know, mindful eater. So good for you. I mean, I like that could have gone for you. I would, I mean, if they were just eating French toast sticks every day for every meal, if I were you

at that point, I would

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Oh yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Thank God, [00:29:00] you know, whatever you're eating, calories are

calories.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: that they're eating well and, and mindful and making good choices. That's a huge accomplishment for you.

So

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: that

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: I absolutely do. I think again it's one of those perspectives now that I'm out of it that I am absolutely able to kind of see a little bit more of it than when I was knee deep in it. It's, it's hard to see those things when you're, when you're in the thick of it.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: tell everybody where they can find you and what you provide, how can people work

with you?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes, so you can find me best way is on embrace renewal therapy dot com. And that's going to have links to, to everything, to my socials to workshops that I do. And I do many of my workshops virtually. And so people worldwide. really can, can attend. I will say many of them are on Pacific standard time, but I do try to move the times around to be able to accommodate for [00:30:00] other folks as well.

I have tons of blog resources and articles of just little tips that you can kind of, Sprinkle throughout your day.

So there's lots of resources in that way. And I also have a video cast a mom cast, if you will. But mine's on the, on the whole parenting side and it's called the real family eats. And again, it's really inspired by that, that heart that I mentioned that it can be so incredibly lonely when you're struggling and when you're in it and it feels like no one else, Has has seen the struggle or knows the struggle and that we're so alone in it because if I reach out, I'm going to get so much judgment and so much backlash.

And so we kind of stay inside. And so, so much of that in my mind comes from just the slew of stories that we see of the perfect parent and what it looks like all those you mentioned the word should. That's probably my least favorite word ever because again, it's so much of these messages of what you should do, how you should be [00:31:00] parenting.

And so instead I'm talking to real life parents and we are pulling back the curtain. No more of this perfect parent. We're talking about the real stuff that actually happens behind the curtain. At the same time, guests are coming on and they're teaching me a recipe that they love, whether it's from their culture or something that's a big hit with their kids, because again, tired parents here.

Half the time we have like the same rotation of foods and it's like racking your brain to try to find something new is just one more thing on my list. So instead you can come on, you can hear a story that looks a little bit like yours. Maybe hear that you're not alone in your struggle. At the same time, bonus, you get a recipe that you can add without even having to do the Google search of trying to find, Oh, is this going to work?

Does this even taste good? This is tried and true recipes that other parents are bringing on. And so you'll be able to see that on my website as well.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: That's great. Thank you so much for your time and for all of these [00:32:00] insights.

I, I appreciate it. I'm very grateful for what you've shared with our audience and with me today.

In the next episode, Reesa is going to come back to share with us the secrets to improving your parenting through realistic self care.

Until then, take a moment for yourself and remember, you are an amazing mom just as you are. I would love to hear how this episode has helped you. Scroll down to the comments or reviews and leave me a note there. This will make a big impact in helping moms like us find the show. Make sure to click those five stars and follow so you can join me on this journey of finding ourselves.

Mom Identity Project https://momidentityproject.com
Previous

Secrets to Improving Your Parenting - Realistic Self Care (E23)
Next

Why You Feel Like A Different Person Since Becoming a Mom (E21)