Secrets to Improving Your Parenting - Realistic Self Care (E23)

Mom's Guide to Finding Herself
Written By Mom Identity Project

Are you a mom constantly running on fumes? Do you feel like you're always sacrificing your own needs to care for your kids? You're not alone. In this episode of the "Mom's Guide to Finding Herself" podcast, we revisit our conversation with Reesa, a licensed marriage and family therapist and mom of two, as she shares the secrets to improving your parenting through realistic self-care. This episode is for any mom who feels like she's drowning in motherhood and is craving practical strategies to prioritize her own well-being.

Beyond Bubble Baths: The Myth of Traditional Self-Care:

We've all heard it: "You have to care for yourself to care for others." While the advice is solid, the reality of motherhood often makes it feel completely out of reach. The idea of self-care is often tied to spa days, bubble baths, and solo Target runs. These things are nice, sure, but they're often just band-aids, not real solutions. True self-care goes much deeper.

Self-Care Starts with a Mindset Shift (This is Key!):

According to Reesa, the foundation of self-care is a mindset shift that allows us to prioritize our own needs. It's about giving ourselves permission to say, "My needs matter too." Many parents struggle with the idea that focusing on themselves is selfish. This often stems from a deeper belief that it has to be all about other people, and that tending to your own needs is somehow wrong. Understanding the root of this belief is the first step toward lasting change.

Deeper Self-Care Strategies (Forget the Fluff):

Instead of focusing on superficial activities, try these strategies for deeper, more meaningful self-care:

  • Self-Reflection (Be Honest with Yourself): Be willing to honestly and vulnerably self-reflect. Identify where your mindset shifted to making it all about everyone else.

  • Self-Compassion and Self-Love (Treat Yourself Like a Friend): Replace the words "self-care" with "self-love" and "self-compassion." Show yourself the same kindness and understanding you give to others.

  • Saying "No" (It's a Complete Sentence): Sometimes, self-care means saying "no" to commitments that drain you, even if they seem important.

  • Reparenting Yourself (Heal the Inner Child): Identify core attachment needs that weren't met in your own childhood and work to meet them now.

  • Create a Safe Space (For Your Feelings): Give yourself the space to express your needs and have them met with acceptance and love, even if it's just by yourself.

  • Find Joy in the Chaos (It's Possible!): Self-care is about finding actual moments of joy amidst the beautiful chaos of motherhood.

Practical Ways to Incorporate Self-Care (Because Time is Precious):

Carving out hours for self-care isn't always realistic, so creativity is key:

  • Therapy (Get Creative!): Therapy doesn't have to be a weekly, years-long commitment. Explore options like weekend intensives, monthly maintenance sessions, or even online support groups.

  • Audible/Podcasts (Multitasking at its Finest): Listen to self-help books or inspiring podcasts while you're doing other things, like walking the kids to school, doing chores, or taking a shower.

  • Community (Find Your Tribe): Connect with other parents who "get it." Find your community, whether it's online or in person.

  • Small Moments (They Add Up!): Take a few minutes to savor a cup of coffee, enjoy a hot shower, or just breathe deeply.

  • Dance Parties (Fun for the Whole Family!): When emotions run high, put on some music and dance with your kids! It's a great way to connect, release stress, and create core memories.

Addressing the Root Cause (The Key to Lasting Change):

Superficial self-care might offer temporary relief, but it doesn't address the underlying issues. For long-term change, it's crucial to delve deeper. Therapy can be incredibly helpful in identifying the roots of negative mindsets and beliefs.

Reesa's Professional Journey (Helping Families Thrive):

Reesa's professional journey shifted when she realized that working directly with parents is often more impactful than working solely with children. She noticed that sending children back to a chaotic or unhealthy environment was like putting a band-aid on a deeper wound. Reesa now specializes in couples therapy to support parents in creating healthier family systems. She also helps parents heal their own mental health and their relationships. Her goal is to help parents invest in their relationships so they remain strong and connected even after the kids leave home.

Key Takeaways (Remember These!):

  • True self-care goes far beyond superficial activities.

  • Self-care requires a mindset shift: Your needs matter.

  • It's okay to say "no" and to show yourself self-love and self-compassion.

  • There are countless creative ways to weave self-care into your daily routine.

  • Addressing the root cause of your struggles is essential for lasting change.

  • Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's necessary for your well-being and the well-being of your family.

Connect with Reesa (She's Awesome!):

You can find Reesa at embracerenewaltherapy.com, where she has links to her social media, workshops, and blog resources. She also has a video cast called "The Real Family Eats" that highlights real-life parenting stories and recipes.

What's Next? (Don't Miss It!)

In the next episode, we'll explore how sharing your story can help you reconnect with yourself.

CONNECT WITH REESA

LINKS | WEBSITE

Keywords: Self Care for Moms, Parenting Tips, Mom Support, Motherhood Journey, Mom Identity, Realistic Self Care, Self Compassion, Self Love, Mental Health, Couples Therapy, Mindset Shift, Reparenting, Community, Balancing Motherhood, Joy in Motherhood, Burnout, Mom Life, Postpartum Self-Care, Parenting Relationships, Family Wellness.

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For Your Binging Enjoyment…

23 Audio

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[00:00:00] The episode just before this one, I met with Reesa, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Reesa shared her journey to motherhood and how medical complications completely rattled her sense of worth. In this episode, she's going to share with us the secrets to improving your parenting through realistic self care.

Welcome to Mom's Guide to Finding Herself, where we share stories of side hustles and surviving while parenting young children. I'm your host, Krissy Bold. Let's make motherhood less lonely and help you find joy in being you again.

We've all heard it a thousand times. You need to care for yourself in order to properly care for others. And yes, this is solid advice, but the reality of motherhood often makes it feel completely out of reach. There are days when brushing your teeth or finishing your cup of coffee feels like a monumental achievement, let alone carving out time for a yoga class or a salon trip.

Motherhood has a way of taking every ounce of energy, [00:01:00] love, and focus that you have, and then asking for more. It's no wonder that a lot of us feel like we're running on fumes.

And what's the first thing we tend to drop from our plates? Ourselves, right? We've all heard about self care and what comes to mind. The spa days, bubble baths, and maybe even that magical solo target run. But let's be honest, those are band aids. Those aren't cures. True self care goes much deeper. In the last episode, we heard Reesa's powerful journey through the ups and downs of motherhood. She navigated medical complications for both herself and her children. She shared the doubts, the fears, the overwhelming sense of failure that so many of us can relate to and how she found her way through it.

Today Reesa's coming back to share with us something that's It's equally transformative. The secrets that she's discovered both as a mom of two boys ages 10 and 8 and as a licensed marriage and family therapist to improving your parenting through [00:02:00] realistic self care.

Now these aren't grand gestures or weekend getaways, they're practical, achievable strategies that you can weave into your everyday life.

Reesa is licensed in the state of California where she conducts in-person and telehealth therapy, and she runs workshops nationwide. Reesa specializes in couples therapy where she supports parents creating healthier family systems by prioritizing their own relationships.

She works to help support parents in healing their own mental health and their relationship health.

Because taking care of yourself isn't just about surviving motherhood, it's about finding actual moments of joy in the chaos. So let's hear what Reesa has to share. I'm so excited to share it with you.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Let's talk more about how all of this impacted your professional journey. We talked about how you were working on your clinical and whatnot, but and how your relationship was struggling with all of this. So how did your experience in motherhood affect professional path, your

[00:03:00] goals?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah, so, when I first started my clinical hours, very similar to as I mentioned, this narrative that I was good with kids. And so I actually started out more working with the children side of things, cause that's what I was, that's what I knew, that's what I was quote unquote good at. And and I would get so many that were really struggling, and I would have parents that would drop off their kids and say, fix my kid.

And they would leave. And the difficulty with some of that is, if they themselves, and most of the time it was coming from a place of like, this is so overwhelming, please just help it. While I go put out the 50 other fires that I have going on as a parent. And the difficulty though is when I would send them right back to the same kind of chaotic home environment, it was like a band aid.

And so for me it was feeling very like, fruitless. And I was just like, Oh my goodness, I feel like I could help so much more, but I'm missing something here. And so I really sat back and then going through my own [00:04:00] motherhood journey and just how stressful it was on my own identity, on my own wellbeing, on my relationship wellbeing.

I thought, gosh, I, I think I need to zoom out a little bit. And instead of necessarily just focusing on my attention and energy, I actually need to be going back to the parents and I need to be working with the parents because That if we can, if we can provide support for the parents, gosh, how much more capacity could that free up for them to be able to show up in the way that I think most parents want to be able to show up for their children.

And so I went back, I got some extra certifications to really be able to do work specifically with parents and with the couple relationship and being able to Help support them, pour back into themselves, know that it's okay to pour back into themselves and to pour back into their relationship and it doesn't reflect on how good of a parent they are or how selfish they are.

That's very much a narrative that I see come up a lot for a [00:05:00] lot of parents. And, and instead really being able to invest in this relationship that they're going to be Hopefully left with when these children launch and leave us that we're at that point we're left with ourselves and potentially left with just our parent partner and If we've let that go so far Like that is such a hard battle to of reel back in by the time our kids launch when they're you know 18 19 20

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: your whole, I can see this whole plan for you, like going into it thinking you're going to work with kids because you're so good with them, and you love them, and it's something that you really enjoy, it's a natural path, and And to have this self awareness of like you could be doing so much more in that other end.

Wow. I mean, amazing that you chose to do that and especially based on your experiences all throughout leading up to this, your own, witnessing [00:06:00] experiences and living through them, but also the ones you had with your, your spouse moving into parenthood is really great. So there's a lot of secrets to parenting, right? We don't necessarily, there is not one secret, there are a lot of secrets or hacks that we all have to how to improve your parenting journey or make things a little bit easier. What is your secret to improving your parenting journey?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Honestly and as again how anti this is to maybe what's out there, what society, whomever tells us it is, it actually starts with us and being able to make space for us just as much as we are good at making space for our children. And so that's probably the number one thing. And so most of the stuff that I work on with folks starts from that core.

It's It's figuring out that mindset shift that allows us that permission to be able to say, Hey, [00:07:00] my needs matter too.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Wow,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: hard to access, like, we know that we feel that it's in our core, but where do we start? How do we

get there?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah. So I think a lot of it really starts on, on being willing to honestly and vulnerably self reflect. And where did that core shift? Where did that mindset shift to, it needs to be about other people. Going towards me, going towards my needs is way too selfish.

And really identifying, where does that start? Because that's when we can really figure out that route first, then we can start, okay, now implementing some of these more like topical coping skills and, and strategies. Now we can get in there, but if that route hasn't been figured out, if we don't even know that that route exists, honestly, it's really hard.

All these things are just those, again, going back to that, those outside bandages that are going to [00:08:00] help. Yeah, in the short term, but really if we're looking for some of that long term, it's really figuring out some of those roots. And sometimes people are, if you are self aware enough to be able to do some of that journey work on your own.

Oh my goodness, you are miles ahead of so many people. So great on you. Please go ahead and start doing some of that reflecting for others. It is helpful to get some of that outside perspective. Someone who is able to look at you in a really compassionate way that maybe you're not quite ready to do yourself yet.

And so really starting there and then some of that also is really supported if you do have a parent partner, being able to do some of that journey together because that can be incredibly healing as we start really figuring out how to really reparent ourselves, oftentimes, and also have some of those really core attachment needs met in a different way that allows us the space and capacity to say, this is a [00:09:00] safe place.

for me to say my needs and have them be met in such a accepting and loving way instead of all of this judgment that I'm currently really good at hearing.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah, that's wonderful advice there. There's two pieces to this that I'd love to revisit and touch on one, one of them being the superficial band aids that people put, like, I feel like that's what self care is

like,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: We see self care in all these different ways as being a spa day or a hot shower or a craft, but that's not getting to any healing or improvement.

It's relaxation. It's filling your cup, but your other issues are still going to be there. And then the second thing is what you said about reparenting yourself in a way of you can, as a. No, uh, non-parent be totally fine. Self-sufficient. Great. You're, you're going through life and you're [00:10:00] feeling good, and you have absolutely no mental health issues or anything's going

on, right.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Sounds nice.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Right. It sounds wonderful, right? I feel like I look back on, on, you know, Krissy in my twenties and I'm like, you, I mean, I had issues, but like I, I have anything I felt like I needed to work on. And but then you become a parent and it's a whole different thing. You are. There's so many issues that come up from maybe your own past or your belief systems or just the visions you had for yourself that aren't becoming

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: reality for whatever reason. So I mean, I know that's a lot and one, one thing that I just said, so maybe we should take them one at a time of let's talk about the self

care piece

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: hmm.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: it. But I think that's really I think a myth. for a lot of people, right? The myth of self care in this superficial

way. Right.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: is also a mindset shift of what we're going into it with. If it is like, Oh, I just need a [00:11:00] shower because I haven't showered in 10 days. And people say that that makes you gross. And so I'm, I'm showering for that reason. Oh, that's my self care. I did that again, it's that shift of this is something that I'm required to do versus this is something that brings me joy and want to do and that gosh, it fills my cup.

And so I think that's some of the shift with, with the self care where we could very much have be going into it as this like really, like you said, topical way of going, well, I'm doing all these things. So why is it not working? But some of it is very much going into, are we doing these things because this is what somebody told me I have to do.

And so it's just one more thing to put on our very long to do list. And then if it is. Gosh, that makes it so hard to attain because, like I said, if your list is already a mile long, why in the world am I going to want to put something else that someone told me I need to [00:12:00] do on my list? And then we're going into it with this like, Oh gosh, this is just, okay, I'm doing this because I have to.

And so it's, it's not really a shift of really nourishing our soul. And so for me, when I talk to people about self care, sometimes that self care is saying no. saying no to that critical voice inside of us. And that's us allowing space and capacity for self compassion and self love. And so that really, when, when I talk self care, that's what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about how can we show ourself a little bit of compassion? How can we show ourselves a little bit of that love that many people are so good at giving to others that we forget to do it for ourselves. And so. In that moment, if that self care of saying no to that, you know, we're talking holidays, there's so many of those commitments and so many of those, I want my kids to do this and I want them to have this amazing holiday experience.

And so we put this [00:13:00] mound of pressure of showing up in all of these different ways. And so sometimes that self care is going to look like that self love, that self compassion of saying. I think it's okay for us to stay inside and maybe we just get our PJs on and just have like a little cozy movie night.

And again, if that's going to nourish your soul and it's not about what anybody else wants you to do, it's not that this is what my children need in order to have an amazing holiday experience. That is the kind of self care. So, really for me it's replacing that self care with the words self love and self compassion instead.

So really looking at what are you doing and is that really coming from that place of self love or self compassion.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Definitely. I definitely can feel that. It's, there's so much comparison and so much trying to think about what if or what should I

be doing

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: just doing what you feel is right for you and your family is enough and it should be and yeah. And I'm also a huge advocate for therapy. I think [00:14:00] it's, I think everybody should at least be going for maintenance checks,

whether you think you

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: health issues

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Mm hmm.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: maintain a relationship with somebody and give yourself that gift. So that way when some things do crop up, you have a resource already available to you. Because like we talked about a little bit before parenting brings up. So much, through, throughout, I'm sure it doesn't stop. I mean, I'm only three and a half years in and I'm sure that I'm not at the end of this journey, am

I?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: No, I wish I could say that it gets easier, but knowing that I've got, I've got a middle schooler on the way here, it's, it's not getting any easier.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: I'm sure, I have to believe that some of it gets easier because you're not so worried about them, like, breaking a bone when they fall off the kitchen island, right?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Fair.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: so

there's that

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes. Yes.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: But the rest of it, not so much, but yeah, as your kids get older, I mean, your own middle school experience then starts popping up [00:15:00] as, as being something that you're now working through.

Is, is that what you see? Is that the kind of stuff that you see in your

work?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Oh, absolutely. And I think, I think you hit it spot on in the sense that when our children experience something, even if it's on a very like subconscious body level, if it's something that triggers a past experience that we've had in some way, shape, or form, even if it's a past experience, like the outline of it is similar, gosh, the amount of things that it can trigger for us without us even being aware, it's Absolutely comes up.

I know that, I've heard one of the things I hear so much is that, when your kids start maybe talking and all of a sudden you have to sit there and you go, gosh, that sounds really familiar. Oh, wait, I just did that. Then all of a sudden it's like, Ooh, do I like that? And even just something like that will come up and all of a sudden you're having to be like, but that's the way that I've, I've always said this, or this has been my mindset.

And now I'm seeing it. Quite literally personified outside of my body, [00:16:00] and I'm going oh Yeah Maybe that does need to change But I don't know how to do it because I've been doing it this other way for so long And so it definitely and so then when it comes up again Our instinct is to go towards the anchor because we're angry that it's coming up and again It's not necessarily that we're angry at the kid, but we're angry at that behavior that we're like I wish I could change But I don't know how to and it just all almost automatically is coming up and so So, absolutely, it's something that I see pop up for so many of the parents that I work with.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Now in motherhood, we don't often have time, right? There's, there's no time to build things in. And I think scheduling things is the most difficult thing for me personally, in my personal, like

part of it, like

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: motherhood, but in my personal part of it is scheduling things. So for parents who therapy just seems so out of

reach, what

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Mm hmm.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: some other things that

they can

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: so, depending on what you can do, we can get [00:17:00] creative,

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Hmm.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: people think of therapy and think of it, oh, I have to go weekly, and it can last for years and years and years. Honestly, it can be just getting creative, what that actually looks like. So, for example, because I do work with parents, and like you said schedules are a very real thing.

I make sure that the work that we're doing is really fruitful work. I am not interested in having you go to therapy for years and years and years and years because that's not going to do any one of us and a favor, nor is it really super sustainable when we talk about, like you said, the busyness.

And so for me, if it means that we're going every other week, When you're in the room, we're doing some really like deep work. I even offer weekend intensive. If you can squeeze in a weekend where we can just like get in there and we're going for several hours of just really like, let's, at least do a lot of the tidying, then we can do maintenance like once a month that we can pop that in there or, you know, a workshop.

So those are some alternatives. If you're looking for some of the [00:18:00] professional help that there are options out there where you can get a little bit creative of what. Therapy looks like it doesn't have to be your traditional every week sit there for an hour and maybe we just vent about our feelings, you know, really getting in there, really doing some nitty gritty work.

And then also if that's not something that's really attainable, it's finding, finding opportunities if you're, if you're someone who can throw in an audible while you're, walking back from dropping off the kids, popping in some, something that again, is going to. serve you, not anybody else, not another list thing to do.

But if you find that you're really struggling with setting, structure for your kids and that's something that for you, you just have a passion. You're like, I really want to learn more about this. Popping in something that's an audible tape of something that could be helpful and pouring in you in that way.

It's if for you, it's finding a community reach out. Sometimes there's. It's such a fear that I [00:19:00] see in parents that if I reach out, if someone else sees how ugly I feel right now in all this mess, how messy I feel, there's going to be so much shame and judgment that's going to happen. And so we end up kind of self isolating and it can feel incredibly lonely.

And so the difficulty is. It's likely you're probably going to find more than you think someone else who's feeling a little bit of that shame and, and that, that judgment themselves. And all of a sudden when they hear someone else, they're like, what? You too? Like, can we be friends please? And then all of a sudden your community opens just a little bit.

And so finding those opportunities to be able, like I said, it doesn't have to be whole tons of time. It can be the five minutes on the walk back from school after dropping off kids or, Hey, You mentioned a shower. Sometimes, again, we're taking showers because we feel like we have to, but some, for some people, they really enjoy showers, and so

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Hm.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Taking just a couple, [00:20:00] couple minutes, where your kids, you pop them in front of, some sort of activity that maybe can keep them for even just, again, that five minutes where you can take a sip of that coffee and just really, like, ooh, be in that coffee whatever your choice is, those are some of the ways, again, that we're Allowing a little bit space for that self compassion.

And when we do that, it allows us a little bit more capacity to reflect on ourselves to start some of that root work of just, hey, what is coming up for me in this moment? And, oh yeah, I see that. Gosh, where did that come from? And so then maybe your next, five minute break, you can come back to that thought.

It's all about, I love the word creativity because when you're a parent, anything can happen. Finding that time for yourself, finding that time for your relationship takes a whole lot of creativity.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah. I, I can see that. I love the idea of what you said with like audio books and even podcasts, because there's so much reflection and that just happens when you're actively listening [00:21:00] to something like a

self help book

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: help podcast. You, you, are going to start reflecting to yourself. So get a wireless, waterproof, Bluetooth speaker,

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: shower, that's, and then listen to these things if that's your only

place to.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: can kind of like dual purpose it and give yourself some personal therapy if that's what

you need.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: For sure.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah. I, I have so many more questions for you. I really want to dive into relationships too, because we talked about taking care of yourself, but I think we're going to have to put a pin in that for the next podcast.

You're going to have to do this again with me because I have so much more that I want to pick from

your brain

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: get it. You get what being a mom is like and, and how to take care of all these things. So we'll have to do that. And, but for now, I want to hear, I ask every single guest. What their favorite go to activity to do with their kids is, and I, I've asked you ahead of time, and I love yours, so I want, [00:22:00] I want to make sure we make space for

that.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes. So, we love dance parties in my house. And It probably comes from my my arts background.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: But for me, music has just been such a healing avenue for me. And so, for us, when emotions are getting high, we're getting those big feelings. And it doesn't matter who, it could be dad, it could be mom, it could be any of my two kids.

We will take a moment, we've got some of those, whether it's our on our phone or we've got our smart devices that, we say, Hey, just throw on and we'll throw on a song that just has a really fun beat

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yeah.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: just start moving our body in whatever way you're inspired in that moment. And so what ends up happening is, and we, we have to dance, we have to dance for the entire song.

And.

It turns in, because at first you start and it's usually really powerful, but then you're like, Oh, I'm getting tired. And so then your dance [00:23:00] movements turn into something a little silly, a little bit more loosey goosey. And then all of a sudden these really big feelings turn into a lot of laughter and just a lot of connectedness.

And we're coming together instead of having that instinct. I know something I heard a lot was go to your room, go figure out your big feelings later. And so instead of isolating in that way, it's all of us coming together and work. It's an opportunity, in my mind at least, to create a new core memory of doing something a little bit silly, a little bit fun, and honestly we ended up leaving the music on and even though we're not always dancing, that music ends up still staying on and we're just like, okay, now we're going through life grooving a little bit more instead of, you know, ah, life.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Mm hmm. Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: a newborn and my kids are 19 months apart, so my oldest was by all rights, still a baby and I was feeling really just, you know, those postpartum hormones of what [00:24:00] did I do? Why am I here?

I've got the, I've got this kid that I am attached to and then this other kid who wants to be attached to me, but I can't be like, what, how am I even, I can't give this kid my attention anymore. And it's hard. So. And on the radio came Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon. I picked him up and we were just going like, ooh, ooh, and it was just like the best moment.

We were twirling and it was the first time I think I really even picked him up and was connected with him since I had the baby. And that song, I mean, he, I called it Get Up and Dance instead of Shut Up and Dance with him. And he would say, you know, cause we would say, Hey Google, play, uh, play this song.

And he would go. Can we listen to Get Up and Dance by Waka Un? And it's just always been this just wonderful song for us now, just because it happened to be playing in that exact moment. And it, it took me not completely out of my rut, but in that moment, a hundred percent, I was no longer in a rut and [00:25:00] it, and you're right, music, it can just transform anything.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: And I think you made such a great point that it, again, it isn't going to be healing those roots, not necessarily, but it allows just a little bit more space, a little bit more capacity to kind of go, okay, let's try this again.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: Yes.

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yeah.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: tell everybody where they can find you and what you provide, how can people work

with you?

reesa-morala--lmft--she-her-_1_11-14-2024_160211: Yes, so you can find me best way is on embrace renewal therapy dot com. And that's going to have links to, to everything, to my socials to workshops that I do. And I do many of my workshops virtually. And so people worldwide. really can, can attend. I will say many of them are on Pacific standard time, but I do try to move the times around to be able to accommodate for other folks as well.

So that's probably the best and quickest way to find me. If you only have those couple of minutes, like we talked [00:26:00] about, I have tons of blog resources and articles of just little tips that you can kind of, Sprinkle throughout your day.

So there's lots of resources in that way. And you'll also be able to see my I also have a video cast a mom cast, if you will. But mine's on the, on the whole parenting side and it's called the real family eats. And again, it's really inspired by that, that heart that I mentioned that it can be so incredibly lonely when you're struggling and when you're in it and it feels like no one else, Has has seen the struggle or knows the struggle and that we're so alone in it because if I reach out, I'm going to get so much judgment and so much backlash.

And so we kind of stay inside. And so, so much of that in my mind comes from just the slew of stories that we see of the perfect parent and what it looks like all those you mentioned the word should. That's probably my least favorite word ever because again, it's so much of these messages of what you should do, how you [00:27:00] should be parenting.

And so instead I'm talking to real life parents and we are pulling back the curtain. No more of this perfect parent. We're talking about the real stuff that actually happens behind the curtain. At the same time, guests are coming on and they're teaching me a recipe that they love, whether it's from their culture or something that's a big hit with their kids, because again, tired parents here.

Half the time we have like the same rotation of foods and it's like racking your brain to try to find something new is just one more thing on my list. So instead you can come on, you can hear a story that looks a little bit like yours. Maybe hear that you're not alone in your struggle. At the same time, bonus, you get a recipe that you can add without even having to do the Google search of trying to find, Oh, is this going to work?

Does this even taste good? This is tried and true recipes that other parents are bringing on. And so you'll be able to see that on my website as well.

krissy_1_11-14-2024_190211: That's great. And I we're recording this right now, and then I'm [00:28:00] going to be recording on your podcast next week. I'm not sure what the release timeline will be like with that, but you can watch for me on Reesa's podcast as well when you're listening, thank you so much for your time and for all of these insights.

I, I appreciate it. I'm very grateful for what you've shared with our audience and with me today

In the next episode, I'm going to share a secret with you. Your story, like every part of your story, is the key to reconnecting with yourself. I'm going to help you understand how sharing yours can help you rediscover who you are, no matter how messy or imperfect it feels. Until then, take a moment for yourself and remember, you are an amazing mom, just as you are. I would love to hear how this episode has helped you. Scroll down to the comments or reviews and leave me a note there. This will make a big impact in helping moms like us find the show. Make sure to click those five stars and follow so you can join me on this journey of finding ourselves.

[00:29:00]

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