Moms Are Drowning in the Mental Load— How to Stop Carrying It Alone with Dr. Morgan Cutlip (E34)

Mom's Guide to Finding Herself
Written By Mom Identity Project

Do you ever feel like you're carrying the ENTIRE mental weight of your family while desperately craving more fairness and less resentment in your relationship? If you're nodding your head, you're not alone, and I've got some great insights to share with you today. We're going to delve into the wisdom shared by Dr. Morgan, the author of "A Better Share," and discover how you can finally address that overwhelming mental load with your partner and, most importantly, bring back the joy and connection to your relationship.

Understanding the Invisible Weight

There's that pivotal moment in motherhood, isn't there? You love your family fiercely, but you suddenly realize you're feeling completely overwhelmed—not because you're incapable or failing in any way, but because of that never-ending to-do list that just suffocates you. It's not just about who tackles the dishes or handles bedtime. It's so much deeper than that. It's about that constant, often invisible mental and emotional labor of planning, organizing, anticipating everyone's needs, and trying to keep life running smoothly.

Dr. Morgan perfectly puts into words what so many of us experience. Women, regardless of whether they work outside the home or not, often bear the brunt of this mental load. It's made up of three key areas: the physical tasks, the cognitive tasks (all that planning!), and that often misunderstood emotional labor of managing everyone's experiences and needs. And here's the kicker: these tasks often intersect, creating a complex workload that can leave us feeling completely isolated and, yeah, totally overwhelmed.

The Link to Our Mental Health

Let's be real, this stuff takes a toll. Recent reports sadly highlight that parents are struggling big time with their mental health, experiencing anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout, and this is only made worse by the relentless pace of modern life and all those societal pressures. When we try to address this in our relationships and are met with defensiveness or dismissiveness? That just adds another layer, affecting our emotional wellbeing and overall satisfaction.

How to Start Talking About It

Okay, so how do we even begin to tackle this? It's crucial that we can actually talk to our partners about this and figure out a better division of labor. Dr. Morgan suggests a few things: First, if these kinds of discussions are hard for you, it’s totally okay to write some things down beforehand! Second, try to bring this up when things are relatively calm, not in the heat of the moment. And this is a big one: Dr. Morgan recommends setting the stage for the conversation by acknowledging that it might be a sensitive topic and trying to minimize defensiveness from the get-go.  

Most importantly, frame the mental load as a shared challenge, not as a blame game. This approach fosters teamwork and makes it much easier to have a constructive dialogue.  

Practical Tips for Finding More Balance

Here are some actionable tips inspired by Dr. Morgan's work:

  1. Initiate those conversations: Use specific frameworks (like the ones Dr. Morgan provides) to discuss the mental load as a shared issue with your partner.  

  2. Seek and give appreciation: Women often crave more initiative, but also acknowledgment from their partners to truly feel valued for everything they do. And you know what? It goes a long way!  

  3. Bring back the fun! Intentionally incorporate play and shared interests back into your relationship to relieve stress and reconnect with your partner. Remember those days? We need to get back to that!  

  4. Practice self-management: Focus on making small, manageable shifts in your daily routine to avoid burnout and prioritize your own wellbeing. Even 30 seconds to check in with yourself can make a difference!  

Rediscovering Joy Together

To really reconnect with your partner and find that joy in parenting again, remember how important it is to play together and cherish those shared moments. Whether it's through friendly competition, watching your favorite comedians, or just being silly together, bringing back that fun and laughter can have a huge impact on your relationship.  

My Final Thoughts

As we're all navigating the complexities of the mental load, let's remember to offer ourselves compassion. Start paying attention to those tasks you often take on without even thinking, and then start having open conversations about the workload. By consciously re-evaluating our responsibilities and embracing a true sense of co-management, we can all be better equipped to create more balance, fairness, and joy in our family life.  

If you want to dive deeper into this topic, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Morgan's book, "A Better Share." It's available in various formats, so you can find what works best for you. You can also find more of her insightful content on social media!

CONNECT WITH DR. MORGAN CUTLIP:

Website:  DrMorganCutlip.com

Instagram:  @DrMorganCutlip

Find Her Books:

Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself by Dr. Morgan Cutlip

A Better Share : How Couples Tackle the Mental Load  (pre-order) 

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For Your Binging Enjoyment…

[00:00:00] Do you feel like you're carrying the weight of your family on your shoulders and you're ready to create more fairness and less resentment in your relationship?

In this episode, we're going to hear from Dr. Morgan Cutlip, the author of the book, A Better Share, who Shares How to Address the Mental Load with Your Partner and Bring Back the fun.

Krissy: There's a moment in motherhood when you realize that no matter how much you love your family, you are drowning. And it's not because you're incapable. And it's not because you're failing, but it's the sheer weight of this never ending to-do list that is suffocating.

It's not about who's washing the dishes or who's putting the kids to bed. It's about the relentless mental gymnastics of managing an entire household's needs often without anyone noticing. For [00:01:00] me, it's managing all the little details, right? Making the doctor's appointments, the snack preferences, tracking the last time we bought diapers, knowing when we need to buy new shoes.

It's this constant, invisible workload, and the worst part of it is it's really hard to explain, right? You don't even know how to put it into words other than just saying. I'm exhausted and every time I do try to talk about it, I get the same response, which is wonderful. It's, you know, make me a list.

Tell me what I can do. Tell me how I can help. And while the intention behind this is great, I mean, it's wonderful to hear. It only makes me feel more alone in all of it, because the problem isn't just the tasks, it's that I'm the only one who knows what even needs to be done. So when I first heard Dr.

Morgan Cutlip talking about the mental load, it was like she finally put into words something that I had been struggling with for so long. The [00:02:00] mental load isn't just about chores, it's the invisible labor of planning, organizing, anticipating, and emotionally buffering every situation to keep life running smoothly for everyone else.

And as research shows. Women tend to carry the bulk of it no matter how many hours they work outside the home. Dr. Morgan has spent years studying relationships and emotional wellbeing.

She is an author and a relationship expert. She uses her down to earth style to offer couples and individuals the tools that they need to tackle the trickiest relationship issues and offers a fresh perspective and powerful frameworks.

She has a really special way of translating the psychological theory and research into practical, accessible, and actionable advice which she shares with her clients and on social media through Dr. Morgan cutlip through her. Books, her courses, her podcast, and her blog. As co-founder of My Love thinks.com.

Dr. Morgan earned her master's in human development [00:03:00] in family science and her doctorate in counseling psychology. And this book, a Better Share will be available nationwide on April 8th, 2025.

And in today's episode, she dives deep into why the mental load is so overwhelming, how it affects our relationships, but most importantly, what we can do about it.

She also shares with us her own personal experience of struggling with the mental load in her own marriage despite all of her expertise. And like so many of us, she had to figure out how to shift that balance before it became too much.

Dr. Morgan not only validates what so many of us are feeling, but she gives us the tools to change it.

We're back today with Dr. Morgan Cutlip who has two kids, ages nine and 11. And Dr. Morgan is here today to share with us her expertise on the mental load. You have literally written the book about this and I am so excited to dive in. Thank you for coming back. Aw, thank you for having me.

So your book on the mental load is called A Better [00:04:00] Share and it's the perfect title for it. So tell us, this is kind of a new buzzword. What is the mental load?

Morgan : Okay. So if you will allow me, I'll give the sort of in the weeds definition, because I think that's helpful for women to understand. So the 30,000 foot definition is that it's the seemingly never ending to-do list that we carry around in our heads. That has two key components. The first is that it's usually made up of invisible tasks. This is key to understand because when it's invisible.

It's hard to get it appreciated and acknowledged, and it's also hard to explain it to someone else if they don't see the things. The second piece is that it takes up cognitive real estate, so that basically means that it crowds out. Space in our brains, energy in our brains to hold other things like the ability to find peace, presence to remember things, to regulate our emotions, and to get in the mood for sex.

So, you know, if we, if we're [00:05:00] overloaded with a bunch of stuff in our brains, it's hard to access the space. Other things, uh, everybody has a mental load. I feel like. I just gotta say that for the record, but. When it comes to the home and family life, time and time again, research is, is showing that women carry the bulk of it.

Even if they work out of the home, even if they work full time, they're still carrying the bulk of the mental load and the home and family life. If you can imagine, we're gonna talk through a a Venn diagram, so we're gonna do three circles.

So everybody like, kind of like get the picture in your head. So when it comes to the mental load, there are three domains of tasks. The first is the physical. That's like just doing the things, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn. Stereotypically men thrive in the physical, so they'll be like, just gimme a list, you know, tell me what to do.

I got this, like I did the dishes, why don't you feel better? That sort of thing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's the physical. The mental or the just cognitive is the second circle, and these are the tasks that require thinking [00:06:00] through making a list. You know, what am I getting at the grocery store? Our work related tasks are usually in that category.

The third circle is really the d. Differentiator. This is in a stereotypical relationship when women are trying to explain this to their partners. This is what they don't really understand. But the third domain are the emotional tasks. So these are like the ongoing cause and effect analysis that people are making or a woman is making to try to maximize positive experiences of her family members.

So it's like that future cast. Staying, you know, sure, I'm going out today. How do I make sure, you know, my son or my daughter doesn't have a tantrum? Like what, what things do I need to take with me? What do I need to arrange? How do we make good educational choices so that they're surrounded by good students and good people, but then also will get a good edu?

You know, it's like these high stakes things that require a lot of time and energy and [00:07:00] research and heart and deep knowing of our family members and. The tricky part about the emotional domain or the emotional labor is that it's, you can't really hire it out unless somebody really knows your family well.

It's very hard to explain to your partner if they don't think in the same sort of way. Yeah. And it follows you everywhere. And I find that this is the piece that will sort of whiplash us out of the present and pull us back into this state of overwhelm. So the final piece that's important to understand is that the majority of tasks of home and family life occur at the intersection of these three circles, which I call the triple threat.

Mm-hmm. And what that means is that the seemingly simple things like making dinner. Can be unpacked like a little suitcase to reveal all these tasks from each domain. So I'm, you know, I'm, I'm gonna actually cook dinner, chop it, you know, chop the stuff and shop for it. But I'm also [00:08:00] gonna be thinking through what's in my fridge, what's in my pantry, looking at recipes, making the list.

And then I'm also gonna be thinking through. Who's going to eat what this kid on, like this? Yes. Yeah. Yep. But then if they don't eat enough, they're gonna get hangry and lose their minds later. Mm-hmm. And then they're gonna be hungry at bedtime. And like, how do I, you know, so I think why it's really important to understand this definition of it is because a lot of times, and it's just unfortunate it happens this way, but as women, we usually come to our partners and we talk about this, we'll sort of start to say things like, I'm really overwhelmed.

And they'll be like, what's going on? And we're like, oh, you know, I gotta. I gotta pack lunches for tomorrow. I gotta take the kids to soccer. I gotta fill out these enrollment forms. I gotta call the dentist and they're like, Uhhuh, because seeming like each thing seems pretty simple. When we explain these things to our partner, a lot of times we can start to feel kind of silly. Mm-hmm. Kind of like, why? Why am I overwhelmed by these seemingly simple tasks? And a lot of times the response will reinforce.[00:09:00]

That self-judgment when they say things like, okay, we'll make a list and work it through, or, well, what do you do? You want me to just handle one of these things or just tell me what to do? I'm here to help. And so we feel a little bit like we aren't justified in our overwhelm, but when we understand that one task can be unpacked to include all of these three areas, it starts to make sense.

Why this feels so heavy. And I think as women, we need that sort of normalization and that framework to understand how to explain it to our partners. Yeah. But also then to offer ourselves some self-compassion.

Krissy: That's powerful. So I for you listening, if you now have a list like I do in your brain of all of the things that you need to get done, you feel, feel free to pause and put it in your notes app so that way you can clear your mental load a little bit.

But I asked a question on threads of why, in one sentence, why do you think so many moms are depressed? And the number one answer by and far and away was some version of the [00:10:00] mental load. Yeah. And I'm curious if you're seeing in your research, if. How closely the mental load is linked to mental health.

Morgan : Yeah, I think it, it has I have to go back. When I was originally researching my book, I didn't find direct evidence, but I know that more and more is coming out because we're seeing, like even in the Surgeon General's report on the state of how parents are doing, you know, parents are struggling, parents are, are really struggling with their mental health, their sense of overwhelm, their anxiety, their depression, burnout, and I think a lot of it has.

To do with this. You know, there's, life is incredibly stressful for modern families. Yeah. We have this sort of perpetuation of hustle culture. We feel this pressure to always be productive. Yeah. We're parenting to break cycles, which is very labor intensive. Yeah. Especially emotionally. Mm-hmm. We have devices that are pulling us toward distraction and so the, the mental load of.

Modern family life is relentless. Yeah. And what this does is it makes it [00:11:00] really hard for us to ever sort of just be, still to find some peace and some presence. And I mean, I know it's like you sit down to just relax at the end of the day and you're like, oh, gotta change the laundry over. Oh, gotta do. You know, you're always right.

Sort of. There's always something not being done. Uh, if you're gonna take a moment, and I think that. I think that parents are finding it harder and harder to do that, and that that does lead to a sense of anxiety, right? Overwhelm, burnout, and depression. And I think the, the other piece to this is that when we're trying to find fairness in our relationship and when women usually are the ones who initiate this conversation.

When it is not met with an openness, but rather met with defensiveness, dismissiveness, or the sort of hardship Olympics. Yeah. That creates a feeling of unsafety, of being not being valued in our relationship and feeling like I don't have a partner who actually really cares about me. I. It might not be [00:12:00] true, but that's what it feels like.

And being in a relationship that is not satisfying, that is not healthy, uh, will lead to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and all of these things. So it's hard to know exactly what's the cause, but it's absolutely related to some negative outcomes.

Krissy: Yeah, and to your point, this is. So kind of new to talk about anyway, that it probably isn't researched.

I mean, what, how much of what we actually go through as moms and women is researched very well. You know, it's not much anyway, so just having this conversation and having your book out here validates that anyway. If there's not the research to validate it, then we need to at least just have the conversation that you are not alone in this and that it, this is a real problem.

Now, in your first book, you talk about a willpower battery. Hmm. How we only have so much cognitive space that we can do before we just lose all ambition. And I'm guessing that this is part of that. Can you explain to our listeners what the willpower battery is?

Morgan : [00:13:00] Yeah, the willpower is essentially like we only have so much capacity to exercise things, to exercise our willpower, and there are certain things that will drain it and certain things that will fill it.

And every, there are a lot of individual differences with how much willpower each of us has. So like, my willpower is not the same as my husband's. We have differences here. So, as you move through your day, things like practicing patients, making decisions, planning things uh, handling your emotions and managing that and sort of like, kind of like regulating all that stuff, drains all the willpower that we actually have access to.

And if we move through our days without ever filling it. So filling it might look like, you know. Getting a good night's sleep is a big one. If you start with a bad night's sleep, you're already at a deficit, which is unfortunate for parents. You know, getting a good night's sleep, getting some extra, all the things that we're told we need to do.

If we don't do these things, we're gonna be operating with a [00:14:00] massively drained willpower, which makes it harder. Then let's say, you know, at the end of the day, this is why people snap more. At the end of the day while you reach bedtime and you're probably tapped out and you're like, just go to bed. It's why at the end of the day, so often if you know, you find you and your partner sort of bickering or things like that, you have less ability to regulate and to manage some of these difficult conversations.

I mean, they even, there's even been studies that talk about. How couples are more likely to have arguments when they're just going on less sleep. It's like, yeah, because you got like, I mean, it's, it's intuitively makes sense, but it's like you just have less to pull from to help you navigate these, these tricky moments.

Krissy: Definitely. Yeah. That burnout level in the more own or own worst enemies, you're not going to get to the list if you don't have the power to get up off the couch because you are just. Need that time to rest, and then it's in a non-ideal time. So how can we avoid snapping at our partners at the end of the day because they didn't do [00:15:00] anything that your brain was hoping they would.

What can we do to proactively work against that?

Morgan : Uh, there's a lot of things. I mean mm-hmm. There's, there's sort of like the individual, so I always usually call that the within and then the between. Mm-hmm. So with a lot of stuff in our lives, we have to look at like as an individual person, what do I need to take responsibility for?

But then also. In the dynamic of our relationship, what are some things that we both, mm-hmm. Might need to take responsibility for and make some changes? And so as an individual, if you find that you are just, you are running on empty every day by the end of the day, then it's time to look at how you're managing yourself and make some changes.

And that was really. Book one for me. You know, this, love your kids Without Losing Yourself was how do you manage your relationship with yourself? Because we have to be active managers of how we navigate some of these things. And so, it's, it's working to make small and manageable shifts that build a little bit of momentum that help you get a little bit of this energy [00:16:00] and space back, which is one part of it.

And. I know, like, I know I'm not unrealistic here. I know in the midst of busyness with kids, it's hard to find those moments, but, uh, I know that you have. 30 seconds, right? 30 seconds to check in with yourself and see what you need. And it might be a, something like changing the way that you're talking about yourself to yourself in those moments and making that shift.

Because negative self-talk drains your willpower, so right. So it might be some shift like that. But that's one piece of it. I mean, the other piece, and there's a lot to unpack when it comes to our relationships and Right. And how we navigate these moments, but, right. You know, I think, trying to think which tip would be helpful.

I think one thing that can be really helpful in our relationships that we need to just do regularly. Is we need to check our assumptions. So I try to encourage, [00:17:00] uh, couples to be fact checkers in our, in our relationship. So sometimes at the end of the day, we're so drained and the storylines that we have sort of integrated into how we talk about our partners start to come to the forefront, especially if they're not so positive.

Sure. And so we are quick to jump to assumptions and draw conclusions. And I think if we got in the habit of just sort of saying things like. You seem a little bit like on edge. Is this about me or what am I to make of what's going on right now? Because I don't wanna react to that, right? Because it's kind of contagious when I feel like it's, it's contagious when our partners are in a bad mood.

So we start just putting things on the, giving the benefit of the doubt more often and ask. For clarification from our partners. So I have a saying that says, gracious interpretations lead to more pleasant interactions. Sure. And I think that we, we really need to put that into practice,

Krissy: right? That's huge.

The assumptions that we make and the [00:18:00] judgements that we make, because sometimes. There are the best intentions, but maybe you have a different preference, you know? Mm-hmm. Like the dishes will get done, but not when you want them to. That's, that's a different argument different than, than the mental load in a way that can be productively worked at collaboratively.

So how and when do you suggest people have conversations about things that their partner could take off their plate? Like what's an ideal way to do this?

Morgan : Yeah. So I think every couple needs to have this conversation because it's, it's, if it's not handled, if the mental illness is not handled in a way that feels fair, that's really when the roots of resentment start to take, take place.

Mm-hmm. So, a good way, there's a few things that you can do. I, I, and you gotta know yourself. A little bit. So if you're somebody who's like, Ooh, these discussions are too hard for me, I really struggle. Then I recommend write some things down, make some notes, make an outline if you need to. There is nothing wrong with that.

Yeah. Helps keep things [00:19:00] on track. Another tip is to do it when things are relatively good. And I know that's a horrible one because people are like, I don't wanna mess up our good moment. Right. With having a difficult discussion or potentially difficult discussion, but you don't wanna do these things in the heat of the moments.

So not when you're parked sitting on the couch and you're like, did you see the dishwasher needed emptied? Like you, that's not the right time to talk about this stuff. And then this is an optional tip and some people love it and some people hate it, but I'm gonna give it, which is that. One of the biggest things I see is when women bring up this conversation, their partners react with defensiveness.

Mm. And so that's kind of like the worry is that you work up all this courage and you must draw all this energy to talk about something that's really important to you. And then they get defensive and you're like, now I'm hurting because of how you responded on top of the party was experiencing. So one thing you can do is set up the conversation by trying to hedge defensiveness.

[00:20:00] So you might say something along the lines of, I, there's something I wanna talk with you about. So this is first thing is, is now a good time or is there a better time? Do you have capacity? They're like, yeah, that's a great time. They always say it's now, they don't wanna put it on. Right? We don't wanna put this, they don't wanna put, they'll, they'll always say now, even if they're, yeah.

But and then you would say. What I wanna share with you is really important to me. I've thought about this a long time. It's, it feels kind of scary to bring this up, and one of the things I'm worried about is that you might have defensiveness around it, and if you have defensiveness around it, I'm worried.

I'm worried, I'll shove it down, but then it's gonna affect our relationship, or I'm worried that that's gonna hurt. Me a lot, and it's gonna be hard for me to feel safe coming to you, so I need to know if I'm gonna share this with you, if you can handle it without getting defensive. Mm-hmm. So it does two things, and I'm not manipulative, but, but it, it does two things.

One. If they're starting to get defensive, [00:21:00] then it makes them pause before they do because they've probably agreed to not. And the second thing is, if they do get defensive, you can hold them accountable. Hey, you said you weren't gonna get defensive and now we're here. Yeah. And so what's going on? Do we need a break or, or can you kind of set that aside?

So that's a big. A big piece of it. The next is how you frame the conversation and you know, I understand, uh, very deeply the injustices, like in our society. Mm-hmm. The systemic things we're up against. I understand the patriarchy, I understand these things, but the end of the day, I. If what we want in our relationship is a feeling of more fairness, a partner who is participating willingly and taking initiative, then we have to engage in this conversation that in a way that's receptive and that will move the needle.

And I believe that one of the best approaches is to talk about the mental load as the shared villain in the relationship. Mm-hmm. And you and your partner are on the same team, and so that positioning as [00:22:00] well becomes very powerful. So it might sound something like. What I wanna talk to you about has a name, and I just learned about this recently or what, or whatever.

And it captures my experience. I know it's pretty universal. Yeah. It's something called the mental load. And you know, it's, it has felt really overwhelming to me. Mm-hmm. I feel, I feel like I can't relax very much. I feel more stressed out. I actually don't really like who I am right now. And, and our partners feel that in us.

They feel our stress. They're like, ah, they are scared of it, or whatever. Right. But they feel it. So it's not a surprise. So if you call it out, I, I probably feels in my tension and it's something called a mental load and. The reality is, is that our family life, like living in our society, having family is incredibly overwhelming, right?

There is just more to tackle than even two people can realistically do. But I am, I am the one carrying a lot of the home and family. Death. Yeah. And so I wanna talk with you about [00:23:00] how we can navigate this a little bit differently so that we both feel pretty good. Yeah. And, and pretty good about how it's handled.

Yeah. And so that we both have opportunities for rest and to be cared for and to be appreciated. Because with the way that it's going now, I'm worried about who. I am in the relationship. I'm worried about how I'm starting to feel in our relationship and I don't to get any further down this path. So can we come up with a plan together?

Krissy: I love that. I love that. Especially if your partner's a fixer. They've probably been trying to want. To fix something. Like they, every time you come to them, they're like, okay, what can we do? Yes. Well you're like, here's something we can do. Like, yes, it's tangible in, in many ways. 'cause probably what you're presenting to them isn't the emotional part of it.

It's something very physical or mental that they can help with. So that's something you can really point to of like, this is how we can fix, this is how we can do.

Morgan : Oh yeah.

But you know, and I think just to put out there, so I did survey, survey data with [00:24:00] women and I did interviews with men and women for the book. And I asked women, what do you want most from your partner around the mental load? And the number one thing is more initiative. Mm-hmm. And I give a formula for what that is in the book, because that's vague.

More initiative. What the heck is that? So I give a formula for how you can do that. And then the second thing though, which is very important, is appreciation and acknowledgement. Mm-hmm. You know, and there are partners who will be excellent at jumping into this emotional labor piece. Mm-hmm. Or they'll, or they'll have their domain of emotional labor that they really thrive at.

But if they don't. And, and I, I totally think men can step into that. Yeah. But if they don't appreciation and like real quality appreciation Yeah. Goes a long way to help us feel visible and valued in our relationship and all that we do to take. Care of our family. And I think that's one of these pieces that I think is so frustrating as I watch, you know, these dynamics occur in, in [00:25:00] relationships, which is like, it's so simple, it costs you nothing.

Yeah. To give appreciation in a meaningful way, it takes almost no time. And it goes so far to helping your partner feel really valued for what they do for the family.

Krissy: Yeah. And, and, and it's such a gift to give somebody the exact answer. Yes, the, there's no more guessing game. We don't need to try to read each other's minds and.

The last thing I really wanted to touch on, and we don't have much time, so you're gonna have to buy the book to read it is about bringing fun back into your relationship. Mm. Because we are so stressed out and this is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be fun being a mom, and it's supposed to be fun living with your best friend.

So, so tell me just maybe one quick tip on how we can make. This a little more lighthearted and back to where it should be.

Morgan : So true. That's like what we fantasize out about before we get married, right? Like we just get to hang out all the time and then Yeah. Then life gets, you know, transactional. I think we have to remember how to play together and that just depends on what you like to do as a [00:26:00] couple.

So like, my husband and I are competitive, so anytime we can go play a game yeah. It just like brings the fun back into our relationship. Another is I we both love com comedians. Mm. And so we. Can go see a comedian, which is like the splurge, or you can watch one at home, right? There are so many. And then you're laughing together.

You have inside jokes that you can share together. You can talk about it later. So it, it sort of like gives you more stuff to work with in your relationship. Yeah. And creates more opportunities to just be light and fun together. And I know it's a cliche to be like, have more fun, but it really does make a big difference in your relationship.

Krissy: Oh, I love that. We need to bring more of that. It just, I, I talk about this a lot on my page too. Like, we need to find the joy in motherhood before we can reconnect to ourselves what makes us happy. I think that's so important. So do you have any final takeaways that you want our, our listeners to, to walk away with?

Hmm.

Morgan : This is always very hard for me. I'll give one, which is you [00:27:00] know, something that I had to get really intentional about that I think that maybe women can just kind of check themselves is I call women the bounty quicker picker uppers because we are super absorbent and we just kind of take tasks on without any negotiation or conversation.

And so I guess I wanna challenge your listeners to start paying attention to the things that you just do. In the dark. Mm-hmm. The things that you do without, you just take care of it and nobody even knows that you did. And, and here's the unfortunate part, is when you take care of it and nobody knows about it, it is now your responsibility because no one's got it on their radar.

And so the first piece is identifying when you do that, and then the second is. Stop doing this. Right. Stop doing it

Krissy: right.

Morgan : Have a conversation, have a negotiation. Narrate it out loud. Let your partner know what you're doing so that some of these tasks you don't take on more than you already have.

Krissy: Right. Allow yourself to be a part of a team, right? [00:28:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially if you have that. So tell us where can we find your book and when and where can we find you? Yes.

Morgan : Sure. So my book, uh, the full title is A Better Share How Couples Can Tackle the Mental Load for More Fun, less Resentment and Great Sex.

We didn't even talk about that, but that's a big piece of it. I know, I know. There's a lot to unpack. Oh my goodness. So you can get the book anywhere you'd like to get books. I. So it's on Amazon, Barnes and Noble Target. It's on Audible. I read the book and you get all the, like the, the downloads and everything.

You still get when you get the Audible version. Okay? If you have a Spotify, I'm doing one more Spotify, uh, account. You get 12 hours of books every month for free. You can pre-order it there and you can find more about me on my website, which is Dr. Morgan tli.com. It's Dr. And that's the same as my Instagram handle.

Dr. Morgan tli.

Krissy: Fantastic. Yes. Follow Dr. Morgan on Instagram for all of these bite-sized chunks on how to really connect with your partner, with yourself, with this mental load idea and, and [00:29:00] really get to the root of it to, to help fix it. Thank you so much for being here with us. I'm so grateful for your time and to share you with my audience 'cause you've been such a big part of my life.

That and my motherhood journey that I'm, I'm grateful to, thank you. To share you with more people.

Morgan : Oh, thank you for having me. Really appreciate.

Krissy: In the next episode, I'm going to tell you about some of the hobbies and interests that I've tried as a mom and how you can start to try on new identities to find one that fits you. Until then, take a moment for yourself and remember, you are an amazing mom just as you are.

I would love to hear how this episode has helped you. Scroll down to the comments or reviews and leave me a note there. This will make a big impact in helping moms like us find the show.

Make sure to click those five stars and follow so you can join me on this journey of finding ourselves.

Mom Identity Project https://momidentityproject.com
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