Can Writing a Book Make You Feel Like You Again? Here's How One Mom Did It with Tara Pyfrom (E27)

Mom's Guide to Finding Herself
Written By Mom Identity Project

Ever wonder how to process a truly difficult experience, or how to turn deep pain into something positive? In this episode of the "Mom's Guide to Finding Herself" podcast, we continue our inspiring conversation with Tara Pyfrom, author of "The Ocean in Our Blood." Tara shares how she used writing as a powerful tool for healing and self-discovery after surviving a Category 5 hurricane, and how this journey led her to becoming a published author. This episode is for any mom who feels like her own story is buried under the everyday chaos of motherhood and is longing to find her voice again.

The Chaos of Motherhood: Where Did My Story Go?

As moms, we often get so caught up in the whirlwind of changing diapers, packing lunches, managing tantrums, and endless to-do lists that it feels like our own stories get buried under mountains of laundry and never-ending responsibilities. We might feel like there's simply no time or space to process our own experiences, let alone share them with others. Even when we do get a chance to talk, the conversation usually revolves around the kids and their needs. This constant focus on everyone else can make it feel like we've lost touch with ourselves and our own narratives.

Processing Trauma Through Writing (A Path to Healing):

Following her family's harrowing rescue from the hurricane, Tara knew she needed to process what they had been through. She started writing down her experiences, not with any intention of creating something for others, but as a way to understand and make sense of what she had endured. It was a way of creating much-needed space for herself. Her therapist encouraged her to write it all down as a form of behavioral therapy. These initial therapy pages eventually became the beginnings of her book.

The Journey to Becoming an Author (From Pain to Purpose):

Tara had written poetry in her 20s and 30s, but she never considered herself capable of writing a full-length book. However, as the therapy pages began to accumulate, she realized that she could transform her story into something more. She decided that completing her book would be a powerful goal, a way to process her trauma and turn it into something new and meaningful. She describes the book as a physical representation of her healing journey.

From Therapy Pages to Published Book: A Path of Perseverance:

Tara’s journey to becoming a published author involved several key steps:

  • Writing for Herself (The First Step is Always the Hardest): Initially, her writing was solely for herself and her therapist.

  • Sharing with Trusted Friends (Vulnerability is Key): She started sharing drafts with close friends to get their feedback and support.

  • Seeking Feedback from Strangers (Honest Opinions Matter): She then shared her work with friends of friends to get honest, unbiased opinions.

  • Self-Publishing (Taking Control of Your Story): When she realized how challenging it would be to secure a literary agent, she decided to take the reins and self-publish.

  • Learning Marketing (Spreading the Word): She taught herself how to use social media and podcasts to promote her book and connect with readers.

Resilience: Finding Your Strength in the Storm (Whatever It May Be):

Tara's story is a testament to the incredible resilience that lies within all of us. She emphasizes that it doesn't matter what your "storm" is – whether it's a natural disaster, a personal crisis, or the everyday challenges of motherhood – you have the strength to get through it. She points out that you might not even realize you have this resilience until after the fact, but it's always there, waiting to be called upon. Tara's book, "The Ocean in Our Blood," is meant to convey that powerful message to others.

Parenting Through Trauma (Finding Strength in the Moment):

During the hurricane, Tara found herself relying on the parenting skills she already had, but in a more subconscious way. She focused on projecting confidence, even when she didn't feel it, and giving her daughter positive reinforcement. She also learned the importance of keeping promises to help her daughter manage her expectations and feel safe, even in the midst of utter chaos.

The Power of Sharing (You're Not Alone):

Tara also discusses the importance of sharing your story with others. She notes that sharing stories, whether through writing, conversations, or other creative outlets, can help you process your experiences and remind you that you're not alone. Even sharing your story with yourself through journaling or reflection can be a huge step toward healing. Tara's experience shows us that storytelling is a powerful tool for connecting with ourselves and others.

Finding Your Shelter (We All Need Support):

Tara also shares the importance of leaning on others for help. She recounts how acquaintances offered their home as shelter, which she and her family gratefully accepted. This experience highlighted for her that there are likely more people who want to help than we might imagine, and that we should be willing to both give and receive that help when it's offered.

What's Next? (Don't Miss It!)

In the next episode, I'll share tips on discovering new passions, hobbies, and side hustles to help you feel more like yourself again.

Tara's book, "The Ocean in Our Blood," is available for pre-order at www.tarapyfrom.com

Keywords: Mom Identity, Motherhood Journey, Rediscovering Yourself, Self Care for Moms, Mom Support, Parenting Tips, Resilience, Writing as Therapy, Share Your Story, Self-Publishing, Trauma, Healing, Inner Strength, Side Hustles for Moms, Finding Your Voice, Published Author, Motherhood and Trauma, Postpartum Healing, Finding Your Passion, Creative Writing, Storytelling, Inspiration.

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For Your Binging Enjoyment…

27 Audio

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[00:00:00] In the last episode, we heard Tara's amazing story of how she and her family survived a Category 5 hurricane. In this episode, she'll tell us what happens next and how she found herself writing a book and becoming a published author.

Welcome to Mom's Guide to Finding Herself, where we share stories of side hustles and surviving while parenting young children. I'm your host, Krissy Bold. Let's make motherhood less lonely and help you find joy in being you again.

if you listened to episode 24, you know that we talked about how podcasting helped me rediscover parts of myself that felt lost in motherhood. And if you listen to episode 23, you'll hear about how important storytelling in motherhood is. Now there's something powerful about sharing our stories, right?

Whether we're telling them or listening to them, stories help us make sense of our experiences and remind us that we are not alone. But you know what's funny? As much as we need to share these stories, it feels [00:01:00] pretty much impossible to find the time or the space to do it. I mean, when was the last time you had an uninterrupted conversation with a friend?

Most of the time, when we do get a chance to talk, I realized that we spent the whole time talking about the kids. I couldn't even tell you what was actually going on in their life. And let's talk about those playdates that we're supposed to use for mom connection.

Between making sure nobody jumps off a ledge or is eating rocks, there's barely time to finish a sentence, let alone share anything meaningful. Even with our partners, those precious moments after the kids are in bed often turn into getting on the same page about potty training or what we need to get from the grocery store.

You know, as moms, we often get so caught up in the daily chaos that we forget to process what we're going through. We're changing diapers, getting snacks, handling tantrums, and somehow in all of that, our own stories get buried under mountains of laundry and endless to do lists.

And that's why I am so excited about today's episode. Today's episode [00:02:00] is part two of my conversation with Tara Pyfrom. is a mom to an 11 year old girl.

She was born and raised in the Bahamas, and she's the author of her memoir, The Ocean in Our Blood. If you listened to the episode just before this one, you heard her incredible story of surviving Hurricane Dorian with her family. But what we didn't get to, and what I find absolutely fascinating, is what came after.

How would you even begin to process something like that? Especially when still being a mom who needs to pack lunches and help with homework and all of the other things that go into the day to day life. For Tara, it started with literally just one page, not a book, not a grand plan, just one page at a time, writing down her experience.

It wasn't about creating something for others. It was about creating space for herself to understand what she'd been through. so whether you're dealing with everyday mom stress or processing something bigger, I hope this conversation reminds you that your story [00:03:00] matters.

And sometimes the simple act of just telling it, even if it's just to yourself, can be the first step in feeling whole again.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: I am so excited to be back here with Tara again.

Thank you so much for coming and telling us your story.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Thank you for having me back.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: So the last time you told us all about your, your journey through this to motherhood, first of all, so you told us about your journey to motherhood and adopting your, your daughter and, and all of the amazing things you went through your first year with a colic baby and all of that and the traveling you did, but then your life got upended by this disaster of a hurricane so where we left off, you had just been rescued in, like, a boat. Right? You were taken off, you were brought to a shelter. So, let's pick up there. What happened next?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: So the the rescue boat took us from our, you know, broken home. The, the structure itself was there, but everything inside was, was wrecked and, and, you know, not livable at all. [00:04:00] were transferred to a staging area, so it wasn't actually a shelter. It was a, this place is safe, you're gonna have to figure out where to go from here. With five dogs and a six year old who have just had a near death experience. Staging area, we got dry clothes and we got food and water and everyone was able to kind of breathe for a moment while we figured out where we were going to go. Shelters on the island were not an option. We had five dogs. None of the shelters took dogs. So as it happens, some acquaintances happen to come by. can take you somewhere. Where do you, where do you need to go? We're going to go to these, some of our cousins. Okay, let's go there. We don't, we, we don't know if they can actually house us, but we're going to go there anyway.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: We'll show up.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Hey, can you

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: a place to stay please? And as on the way to where we were, you know, kind of headed in the direction, we met up with another acquaintance and said, no, come stay with us. We've got like this huge house and we've got a generator. So we've got electricity and we're in a part of the island that wasn't flooded.

So everything's [00:05:00] safe. Come stay with us. Okay, thanks. So that's what we did. We had some wonderful people that took us in, fed us our, they had young, young girls at the time too, so that all the kids were playing, and she had dry clothes, and we all had beds to sleep in, and all of the comforts that we could possibly need in a post traumatic disaster zone of a situation. After 48 hours, we were able to get on, A an evacuation flight. It wasn't actually a formal evacuation flight. Some news crew had flown into the

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Huh.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: news story on a little plane, so like a ten seat

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yep.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: And we're just standing out on the runway with, you know, our thumbs in the air.

Can we, can we get a lift to, to Florida please? They took us.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Wow. So you jumped on this news plane with, what are you, what kind of dogs do you have? I need to, I need a picture of this.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: so picture is we had four dachshunds, sausage dogs, little

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: and a husky mix.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: You had a Husky [00:06:00] mix

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yeah.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: in all of this. Whoa. Okay. Okay. So you hop on a news plane with you, your six year old, right?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Mm hmm.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: your four dachshunds and your Husky mix, and you go to Florida and what happens in Florida.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: In Florida, we kind of tried to, to settle. We had a place to stay. We, you know, what, what do we, what do we, what do we do? Okay, we need, we need to go purchase some clothes. We need to get a rental car. We need, you know, all of the, it was very day by day. What do we need today? What do we need tomorrow? That led us into conversations about what are we going to do after

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: All while processing PTSD, near death experiences, nightmares anxiety, panic attacks, all of those things. We decided very early on that Going back to the island wasn't an option. [00:07:00] was very much a disaster zone. There potable water was an issue. Looting was an issue. There was no school.

There wasn't going to be school for our daughter for months. We didn't have a place to live on the island. Finding a place to live in a disaster zone, pretty much impossible. So we decided we were going to stay in Florida for a while and just kind of Get some therapy, get our daughter into therapy, try to start to recover a little bit. And we found out very quickly that we weren't going to be allowed to stay in Florida for time that we wanted to. political situations at the time were not great for, for folks trying to find find a resting place temporarily. There was a concern that all of the folks that were leaving the Bahamas post hurricane were trying to immigrate illegally to the United States.

We were not. We were just looking for some place to sit for a minute. So we kind of had to start the conversation about, well, what are [00:08:00] we, where, what are

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right. Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: we settled on, so we had no, no route to legal immigration in the United States. And we were not willing to do the process illegally.

That was never going to be an option.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Sure.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: So, we threw up our hands and said, Right, okay, we're, we're going to go to Canada.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: There you go.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: We'd visited Canada once, west coast of Canada. That was it. We'd never been, never really been to Canada. We planned an

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: move in three weeks.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Not just an international move, an international move from an, a place that you weren't a resident of

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yeah.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: so this is like triple,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: all of the boxes.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: holy cow. So how did you decide on Canada? Just because it was close physically, geographically, and, yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: close geographically at

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Well, compared to, I mean, like,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Like some,

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: some of the others.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Well, I mean, England, England was an option too,

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Okay.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: weren't interested in, in going that far from [00:09:00] family.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yes, that,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: on east coast of Canada because we had family in New England.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: was driving distance. East Coast because we, despite the fact that the ocean tried to kill us, we couldn't live away from the ocean.

We couldn't imagine living inland.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: too, it's too much a part of who we are, part of our souls. We couldn't, we couldn't go away from the ocean. And after that, we threw a dart at the map yep, that's where we're going to go and try. Didn't know anyone when we got here. Had never been here before.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: And please tell me that this is where you've stayed. You haven't had to relocate several times since.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: No, no, we, we, we got here with, so we're going to try and see what happens. And we're here, we're still here five years later, same town that we showed up to.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Good. And it's been great?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: It's been, it's been really

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: great as it can be. Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: obviously the first

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: were very tough. There was a lot of mental illness

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Sure. Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: of sadness and trauma and, therapy and all of those things. But. on the outside of this [00:10:00] process now, five years later we can see that being here is the right place for us. This was the right thing. We had to have a terrible catalyst experience to get us here, but this is where we should be.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right. Now how was your daughter through all of this? Because now you're not just managing yourself, your dogs, you're parenting too.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yes.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: was at a fairly independent age, so that's helpful, I would think, all things considered, but,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: things, all things considered,

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: yes. Yeah, so

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: she probably acclimated recovered far faster than my wife or I did.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: wow.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Perhaps because of her age. Today, five years later, she says that she has very, very little memory of the experience. We have spent a lot of time talking about it. Most of the memories that she has are a result of us keeping an open dialogue.

Very important when trauma, processing trauma, to talk about it and think about it and discuss how it makes you feel. so, [00:11:00] her age when the experience happened was a in some ways because she has been able to process the trauma really well. Her emotional vocabulary and emotional intelligence for her age. I credit in part to the conversations that we had had as, you know, as a young thing about this is how you're feeling and this is why and all of these things. So she's, she's acclimated really well. We tease her all the time that she's Canadian. For my wife and I, much longer process. Lots of therapy. Lots of being at different places process of healing at different times. So, very rough time for our relationship. But somehow we manage to love each other through the worst possible experience of our lives.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Because all of the things that you're going through, this tragedy, relocating, a move, parenting. They're all, they all can be a devastating factor in a marriage,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yeah.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: never mind all of them

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: All of [00:12:00] them. At the same time.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: at the same time,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yeah. Yeah.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: together in some way for it. I'm sure it wasn't together all the time, but, but you're here and that's, that's great.

I hope you're in it. I hope you're in a good place with that because it's important to have a connection.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yes.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: That's there as a support. So, wonderful.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: in a really good place. Yeah.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Good. Good. I'm so happy to hear that. So, tell me how you've worked through maintaining these family memories and all of these things with your daughter to, to help give her positive memories of the island.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: We, we talk a lot. We

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: a lot. We go over do you, do you remember this place in the island? Do you remember we used to go there with these people and we used to do this? No, I don't remember that. And so we talk about, we talk about the memory. Or do you remember that trip we went on? We went to, we went to Italy.

Do you remember that? Oh yeah, I remember that. We went to this one place and they had the best pasta. [00:13:00] We ate, you ate pasta every single day for three weeks. Which place?

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Oh, well the place that had the, had the, had the, the grapes and the vines. And we, we sat outside. Oh, I remember, I know exactly which restaurant you're talking about. And so it's having those conversations with her and seeing what about the memories resonates with her. And then sharing what resonates with us. And it's often a, an evening activity as we're winding down for the evening. We have these like fun conversations about memories and, and who you remember and what you remember and what, what didn't you like about that experience. And that's been it, it keeps us, very connected, keeps us connected to the memories that are important to us, that we want to make sure that she remembers. We do travel back to the Bahamas quite frequently, but having, going there on vacation is different than having the experience of living there.

And so

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Sure.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: lot about the time that she spent there when she was young that [00:14:00] she wouldn't necessarily remember. It

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: remember the island positively and not from this, this major experience that you had, because that would be, that would be sad for you for her to have all of her memories tied to that.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yeah, it would be. And, and, and they, they haven't been. It's you would think with an experience like that, that there would be an automatic fear of water or an

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: of the ocean. And we were, we were terrified of that right at the beginning.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: The second we could get her into the ocean and into a swimming pool just to test is this going to be an issue? And it never was.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Great. Great. Now, let's talk about your processing of all of this. So, I, I can't even imagine, I'm sure it's been a lot of therapy, but you wrote a book from this experience. So, tell us how you started this journey.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: So very early on in therapy, my therapist found out that I was a bit of a writer. And when I say a bit of a writer, I was a [00:15:00] poetry writer, I used to write short stories as a child, things like that. And so, she kind of coaxed me into, okay, write, write it down, write down what happened, and then we're gonna read it, and we're gonna reread it, and we're gonna read it again, and we're gonna keep reading it. a, as a, as a therapy, behavioral therapy desensitization.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: And so, those therapy pages that were meant for my therapist, kind of kept adding up, and kept adding up. And eventually I was like, well I have like the beginning of a book.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Meanwhile, my wife had been telling me for years, you should write a book, you're a really good writer, you should write a book. And I hadn't ever. I never thought of myself as a writer, so I couldn't think of

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: being capable of writing a book. But as these therapy pages kind of started to add up, it's like, okay, well I, this, I could do this. I can edit this, I can make this into the story that it is, I can talk about what happened minute by minute, I can talk about our [00:16:00] connection to the ocean and the islands, I can talk about our recovery and how we managed to make it through. so, the book During our recovery process became the goal. That was the thing that was the light at the end of the tunnel. If I can get this accomplished, I can process all of the trauma. I can turn it into something new.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Amazing. Now, I love to hear the stories of breadcrumbs, where people started and going, so you said that you wrote as a child. I couldn't tell from there if it was just like this childhood thing or if it was something that you had continued just dabbling in as an adult.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Dabbling in as an adult, so I would write poetry.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Okay. Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: in my 20s and 30s and as the years have gone on I will share that quite a lot of it was love poetry.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: my wife and I have always had that, that amazing connection.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: That's adorable.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: so yeah, that, that, but somehow I never, that was meant for her,

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yep.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: And so I [00:17:00] didn't think of myself as a writer. I didn't think of myself as being capable of together an entire, you know, length of a book. And yet, like I said, putting that as a goalpost, that was what, that was what was driving me.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right. I can so, I relate to that. Like, having these things that you do and enjoy, but they're not part of your identity. Right? You wrote stories as a, as a kid and you liked that and then you've been writing this poetry for your wife, but that's not something you do. It's just, something that happens.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yeah.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: So to, to hear from your wife and your therapist that the encouragement of just, just try it.

Just dive into this and see what happens. I mean, so great that your wife was a cheerleader in this because having just your therapist tell you it's not enough and having just your wife tell you it's not enough.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Exactly.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: having this team of people in two different aspects of your life telling you to give this a shot is amazing.

Now, if You, you said that it just started in bits and pieces, like you would write this part of the story and [00:18:00] then that. When in the process did you decide, okay, I'm going to go ahead and make this a book?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: a year after the storm, still in therapy, still writing bits and pieces. I kind of looked back at what I had accomplished and realized that I was much farther along than I thought I was. That was kind of the point where it was like, this is enough of a start, right? I can, I can, I can piece this together.

I can make something out of this.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Wow. So then you saw that, you saw it coming, and then did it change from there your motivation to, to get it done, or were you still working in bits and pieces, or was this more of like a, I'm writing a book.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: No, this was, I'm writing a book.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Great. Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: this is the goal. I'm writing a book. I, I'm gonna figure out how to turn these shaky therapy pages that aren't meant for anyone's eyes into a story that's meant for everyone.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Beautiful. Now, you put it together, you felt really good about it. What did you do next? Like, I feel, I feel [00:19:00] that same thing of I've created something, I feel really good about it, but what do I do with it?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Started out with some of the first drafts being kind of passed around to a couple of acquaintances, couple of friends. What do you think of this? Is this, like, actually any good? and everyone coming back with positive positive vibes and, oh, this is amazing and, oh, you should, you should, you should publish this. And, of course, that feels good and that feels encouraging, but then these are people that you know that are not going to tell you that it's terrible because that would just be crushing. So from there it went into finding some strangers.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: know, friends of friends of friends who are readers and interested in hearing the story and passing it off to them and well, what do you, what do you think? And they're reiterating, you know, it's really good, you really, this is perfect, you should totally publish this. So from there it went into, you know, How do you publish a book? I've never published a book. I don't know

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: published a book. How do I do that? So lots of internet research, lots of teaching myself, like the steps and the things and the making the errors [00:20:00] and starting again and trying to find literary agents and then realizing that, you know, Getting a literary agent is akin to singing in a bar and hoping that someone notices you.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right. Right. Okay.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: so eventually deciding that the best route for me was going to be a self publishing model doing all of those things and the book is is now physical representation of of everything.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: of everything.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: it exists now. It's real. So,

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: That's amazing. We are so lucky to live in a time where we can do these things independently, where we can self publish, where we can create a podcast, where we can do whatever we want,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: hmm.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: just, if you do the right research, you can make it happen. You can put it into the world and share it.

So, good for you for not just sharing it with friends, sharing it with people you don't know, but also putting it out, self publishing, sharing it into the world, and then sharing it with coming out and promoting it. So tell me how you, what your process has been to share your [00:21:00] book and get people to read it.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: So, I've been teaching myself social media marketing.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah, right.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Knew nothing about this process prior to about a year and a half ago when I started. Okay, how do I, what do I, what algorithm and which, what, which site and all of these things, right? And then oh, podcasts. Podcasts are a good thing. Let me, let me, I've never been on a podcast before.

I don't know anything about podcasts. Let me teach myself about that. So, The whole process has been very much an, an educational thing. I've been teaching myself how to do these things

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: what other people have done and deciding if that's appropriate for me or that isn't appropriate for me or that's working and that's not working. So little bits and pieces as I've gone along.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: amazing. And I, I think that's such an important lesson that can be taken for anybody listening, whatever your idea might be. If you are looking at other people who've done it and you're like, well, you know, they knew none of us knew.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Now.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: We had no clue what we were doing when we started whatever.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: we are [00:22:00] all winging it. Every one of us, we're all winging it. My my daughter said to me two days ago. She says, You really can find, like, any information you need, like, for the entire world on the internet. I'm like, yes. Yes, sweetheart, you can teach yourself anything from the internet.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: And the only thing that's going to make it better and easier is time

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yes.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: it and an experience of, of living through it. So, I mean, just start somewhere. Write that one page. Do that one thing and, and see what comes from it. If, and also know the permission of, if it doesn't feel right and doesn't feel good, you can abandon this.

You don't have to see it

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yep.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: through. needs!

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yep, you can just decide that, that was, that was a learning experience, move on to the next thing.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Right, now tell me how all of this, writing a book, your experience with the hurricane and you're moving and, and changing a new location, all of it, what are your parenting insights? What has, how did your parenting change through all of this?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: I don't [00:23:00] think that my parenting did change.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Oh great, yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: that this experience of the last five years solidified what we were already doing,

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: but in a, in a subconscious way.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: course you're in the middle of the worst experience of your life, you're terrified that your, your daughter's going to drown, and you're going to drown, and everyone's going to die, and, but you, but you still have to parent.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Right, you still have to keep calm, you still have to project confidence, even when there's, there's zero confidence. I do not believe that we are going to survive this, but I need my daughter. To believe that we're going to survive this so a lot of positive reinforcements. No, it's going to be you're going to be okay.

You know how you're a really good swimmer. Remember you you're we're fine. You can swim really well. So you don't need to worry about that. When the experience becomes super overwhelming and, you know, can't cope and she lost her brand new glasses that she absolutely loved in the middle of the storm and that turned into a tear filled,

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: [00:24:00] yeah,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: you know, this is terrible. No, it's okay. We're going to get some new ones. I don't know when, but I promise you. will get you new ones. And and so the use of promises and, and keeping those promises to help manage her expectations was again, something that we've always done and just kind of knee jerked into. going to just keep doing what we've always done. And and so a lot of that has, has really shone through during this experience. And despite having zero calm. During, from when the storm hit till, you know, several years later, calm didn't exist. But, maintaining a, an imagined sense of calm for her.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Wonderful advice. I mean, I can, I hear what you're saying, and I hear myself in it, too, where, you know, whether, whatever the level of disaster is in your day,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Mm hmm.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: it [00:25:00] all seems big to them.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Yes.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: I mean, clearly this one was,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Was

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Astronomical and actually big, but, you know, to a three year old losing their, whatever, their toy, it seems like it could, might as well be a hurricane that has lost your entire home.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Mm

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: So, yeah, those same messages, I love your point about making promises, but promises you can keep. So,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Mm hmm.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: that is a promise you can keep of, yes, we will get you new glasses. I don't know when, but we will,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: do it.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: right? That's fantastic advice. Do you have any final messages that you want to share with our listeners?

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: I want everyone to know that it doesn't matter what your storm is. Your storm could be an actual storm where you're faced with death and 185 mile an hour wind. Your storm could be accident. Your storm could be a domestic violence situation. Your storm could be, I can't [00:26:00] afford to buy food this week.

It doesn't matter what your storm is. You have the resilience within yourself to overcome it. It doesn't feel like it at the time. You don't realize you've had the resilience until after the fact, but it's there. I promise it's there. I promise it's there in every single person listening. You have the strength to get through it. And the book really is a testament to that. The book is for any parent that thinks that they just, they just can't keep doing it. They can't. I don't know how. I'm never going to make it. You can do it. And that's what the book is, I'm hoping, going to convey to everyone who reads it. That, that idea that resilience lives within you.

Yep. Mm

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: I love your message too about finding your home or finding not a home but your shelter. You just showed up and hoped that they would help you. And I think that there are so many people in your life, you know, maybe you might not even talk to them, have talked to them in 20 years, but [00:27:00] if, if people show up at your doorstep.

and you know their character,

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: hmm.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: they're likely going to help you. So if you feel alone and you feel like there's no help out there, there's probably more than you think.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: Absolutely. I mean, there are the folks that took us in after the storm. Like I said, they were just acquaintances. They were people that we said hi to in the school drop off line. And then they said, come to us. We'll look after you. We'll take care of you. And we weren't in a position to, you know, no, I don't know you that No, thank you.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Yes.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: the help whenever it's offered. Be willing to give the help whenever someone asks.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Wonderful, wonderful. Tell us where we can find your book and find you.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: yes, so, it's www.tararum.com. T-A-R-A-P-Y-F-R-O-M. The book is available for pre-order through pre-order through the website, and it will be in retail stores. So in Barnes and Noble and on Amazon next summer. So you can [00:28:00] get it now. Order it through the, through the website or. Preferably not. Wait until next summer and get it on Amazon.

krissy_1_12-06-2024_100335: Perfect. Well, Tara, you are inspiring. I truly appreciate your time today. You're an incredible woman and an incredible mother. Your daughter is very lucky to have you. So, thank you for sharing your time with us today.

tara-pyfrom_1_12-06-2024_110335: I appreciate it. Thank you.

in the next episode, I'm going to share with you how you can discover new passions, whether they're hobbies, side hustles, or both, that will help you feel more like you.

I'll give you some specific suggestions you can use as you try to find that next thing. Until then, take a moment for yourself and remember, you are an amazing mom, just as you are. I would love to hear how this episode has helped you. Scroll down to the comments or reviews and leave me a note there. This will make a big impact in helping moms like us find the show. Make sure to click those five stars and follow so you can join me on this journey of finding ourselves.

[00:29:00]

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